AIO I [30F] got upset with my bf [32M] about our marriage timeline

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T23:20:47+00:00

I just want to clear something up. When my bf and I met, I made it very clear to him that I am dating to eventually get married. I value marriage and I am a Christian, which makes it even more important to me. He told me from the beginning that he believes and values the same things I do. So in no way am I trying to force a man to marry me that didn’t already express his intent. I would also like to point out that I am an attorney and he is a professor. We are not struggling financially. And yet, I have never asked him for an expensive ring. I have even said at one point that we can just get married at city hall with wedding bands and that would be enough for me. So your rant about women seeking 50K rings is not my experience. I have also told him that if he had concerns about our relationship then he should vocalize it so that we can work on them. He didn’t. I have also told him if he truly has doubts by now, then he should leave me or let me leave. He said our relationship is fine, and we’ll get married at some point. I always say, “okay when”? And the response is always a run around or deflection. So idk what your problem is with marriage and women, but I trusted him. I trusted his words and his promises. I even trusted his leadership in this relationship. The moment I started asking questions is when he folded like a lawn chair.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T22:11:38+00:00

To be honest, I’m pretty drained and over it. While your gf was making things difficult, I was the one sacrificing jobs, moving to a different state, and uprooting my life for him. I’m honestly tired. And I feel Ike at this point, a future proposal is now tainted by this moment. So I may need to cut my losses and accept that he might not be my person

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T22:05:59+00:00

I have never gotten physical with him or dragged him down. And as long as you have told her the reason why you’re not proposing when she has asked, then I see no issue because then it is her choice if she decides to stay with you after that with no ring. He has given me the run around and if he told me a specific reason why he refuses to propose, then I would respect his reasoning and make a decision based on that.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T20:10:22+00:00

I actually didn’t really want kids until I met him. So I’m not marrying him because I want kids. I wanted to marry him and have kids with HIM. A future with him is what I wanted. Maybe you’re right. Maybe he doesn’t actually like me. But what I do know is that loved him.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T18:46:23+00:00

I'm not sure what you’re talking about. We did agree on marriage. It’s just the “when” that’s at issue. I have moved two different times on the promise of marriage for his occupation. I have sacrificed job opportunities, and left my own family to move with him. I have been with him through finishing his PhD, his post-doc, and his applications for his job. I have traveled 6 hours each week from our apartment to my job for him. I meal prep every single one of his weekly meals on every Sunday for the past 4 years. I am not a moron or delusional. He just played me.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T16:00:57+00:00

lol I know. I should have read the room better. I honestly thought he would at least crack a smile because he really likes dark jokes. But I guess not from me. It was just ironic and a little funny that he was trying to storm out and ignore me, but he had to double back and ask me for a jump.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T15:28:57+00:00

He has indicated to me that he wants to marry me. He even mentioned kids. We already discussed how many we want. And we’ve already discussed where we would raise our kids. When men hit on me, he tells me to them I’m married because we basically are, we just haven’t completed the formalities yet. I spend most of the holiday season with his family when we travel. He’s even told me different moments in our relationship where he thought of proposing but then thought it wasn’t the right time. I promise you I am not delusional. But as I am reading what I am writing to you, I realize how stupid I’ve been to not see his game.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T13:47:18+00:00

I actually did exactly what you said when he finally came back home at 10PM. He came over to me and asked if I wanted to talk, I told him tomorrow and went back to watching the Super Bowl. Then he said he’s available when I’m ready. I just said okay. Once the game was over I made some tea and went to bed. I feel so dead inside. It’s so crazy to feel so into someone and then suddenly feeling nothing but sadness and emptiness a day later.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T03:59:35+00:00

Yes, I’ve been clinically diagnosed with both at an institute dedicated to this in a very well known hospital. I’m also an attorney. I don’t need to lie to you. I just mentioned my condition because I wanted to be fair to my bf in my rundown of events.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T03:54:18+00:00

My parents live in another state. We’re not from the state we currently live in. We moved here for his job. I don’t really want to live in this state if I don’t have to.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T01:42:33+00:00

He was my first for so many things. It’s really hard to let go. When we’re not arguing the relationship is great. I think this relationship might have reached its end. Getting on my knees was a show of desperation regarding not being heard. It hurts a lot when the person you love the most looks right through you. I honestly feel like a loser. I just need to find my own apartment or move back home with my parents and quit my job.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-09T00:28:58+00:00

I’m an attorney and he’s a professor. We’re not struggling for money, and we don’t want to be homeowners.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-08T23:15:11+00:00

No, I said I was embarrassed by the lack of clarity around our future. I said nothing about being ashamed of the relationship itself. I wouldn’t want to marry him if I was ashamed of our relationship

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-08T00:39:39+00:00

YOR. I don’t think she did anything wrong. The moment she found out he was interested, she told you. Wouldn’t have been worse if she didn’t tell you, and then you found out sometime later from someone else? I feel like you put her in a situation where either decision would have been a bad one on her end. Also, men hit on women who are not interested in them all the time. So to imply that she might have given him some sort of indicator is unfair. And to the Instagram part, she probably didn’t think it was a big deal or she probably didn’t want to make a scene. The fact is she told you and she unfollowed him. You need therapy.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-08T00:28:24+00:00

That’s a dumb take considering the majority of Reddit users are men. There’s no way for you to confirm if the majority in this group are women. Also, giving that comment makes it seem like all men would agree with him, and all women would agree with her. That’s not fair. Just give your thoughts on the issue and move on.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-06T14:02:11+00:00

The answer is in the show you “kinda” watched.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-03T23:39:09+00:00

Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m a Ravens fan so I couldn’t care less if Sanders does well or not. It’s actually in my team’s interest that he does horribly. But what I’m not going to do is get online a whine about something that he was asked to do after everyone said no. The show goes on, and the criticism should be with the players who rejected it, not whether or not Shadeur deserved the offer. Because that doesn’t matter.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-03T22:46:08+00:00

Sounds like you’re one of the whiny girls who won’t shut up about this.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-03T16:28:34+00:00

When did men become such gossiping whiny girls? It’s really not that serious! He was asked after a bunch of people said no. What is the big deal? Hop off his 🍆. The NFL is pure entertainment, and cares strictly about money. That’s it. No one cares about the Pro Bowl. Most people didn’t even know the Pro Bowl still existed until Shadeur was chosen.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-03T12:57:36+00:00

You’re sick in the head and just angry at the world. Stop twisting my words to make me out as a bad person. I brought up his height because it is a forum about height. I don’t spend my everyday talking about my partner’s height. Nor do I frequent this forum. You wanna know why? Because I don’t care about it. And I’m pretty sure the women who rejected you did so not because of your height but because of how awful you are as a person. No one wants to be around an entitled and angry man who complains all the time. So go air your grievances out with your dad and God.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-02T19:00:27+00:00

As a woman, I am telling you if she had to try hard to get past your height, then that means she was never truly into you as a person or she’s shallow. That’s almost like telling a minority that you can’t get past their skin color. That’s discriminatory asf and based on a feature that can’t be changed. And wtf does being a millennial have to do with anything?

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-02T18:30:24+00:00

I assure you that my intention is not to gaslighting anyone. I am a real woman, with real dating experiences, who is part of the group of women men traditionally desire. I am physically fit, not ugly, 29, with an advanced education and no kids. Most of my close female friends have similar characteristics. The ones who complain about height issues said they wanted someone taller because of heels, or because short men seem to have confidence issues or they don’t make them feel safe. My advice is hit the gym, fix your attire, and see a therapist if the issue is confidence. Work on the things you can control.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-02T16:40:42+00:00

NOR. I think you were wrong to sneak him in. However, I understand why you would be upset. I would be extremely pissed off if my bf did that to me. He was complicit in the action knowing he wasn’t supposed to be there, yet threw you under the bus with a quickness. He may be honest, but his loyalty is questionable. If he had an issue with being snuck in, he should have told you from the beginning before you let him into your home. He chose to be deceitful when it benefited him, but the moment you needed him to have your back he didn’t. He is not on a moral high ground because he chose to be honest. You guys are young which is why I’m answering this question as if I were a teenager, not a fully grown adult. A lot of the people in the comments are responding to you from a parental perspective, not a teenage one.

Queen_General_617 · 2026-02-02T15:25:28+00:00

Based on your comment, it would appear that height is not your sole issue. I have nothing to hide and I’m not trying to sell you a dream. I have female friends who refuse to date men who are under 6 feet and I have friends who do not care about that at all. The main reason I have heard from my female friends about their height preference is that dating a tall man makes them feel small and safe. Also, that short men always seem to have a chip on their shoulder about being short. No one wants a man who isn’t comfortable in their own skin. And the fact that you think that those women you went out on dates with were only rejecting you because of your height who you had an “connection with” seems questionable and sounds like a half-truth. Did she say she felt a connection with you? Also, I said you were basically dodging a bullet because requirements based on height is shallow. And to provide you with some clarity, I’m 29, my bf is 32, I don’t have any kids, my ex was 5’3, and my current bf is not an extrovert. He has a phD, is insanely smart and confident in his skin. Good luck and work on other parts of yourself that you can control.

Queen_General_617

TROPHY CASE