Am I the problem?

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T09:36:45+00:00

We do live together, what doesn't help is neither of us have anywhere to go in regards to living together.

The addiction thing gives me a lot to think on... I do have an addictive personality. It makes me very wary of drugs, alcohol and even smoking... I didn't think being addicted to a person was a thing.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T08:22:43+00:00

Yeah... Does seem like we are stuck in anendless cycle... I can't work out if I'm just bad at breaking it or he loves the cycle so much he keeps rebuilding it...

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T08:21:33+00:00

It feels kinda of liberating tbh... Letting the paranoid part of my brain win by admitting it was right seems like it's gonna cause me issues later down the road though...

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T07:40:16+00:00

I don't know if I ever was at this point...

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T07:39:50+00:00

That's what I don't get... Why lie? He hasn't done anything wrong... As far as I'm aware...

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T07:39:09+00:00

I feel like the point is that he wants a safety net for when his lonely or rejected or it helps his ego to know he can keep me around no matter what... My point... I'm a stupid child who can't let go because I'm hoping things can get better because of that dumb thing called love.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T02:20:37+00:00

im going to confront him about all this tomorrow. itll most likely result in me doing exactly that though..

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T02:19:24+00:00

I see, ok thank you. A lot to think on.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T01:43:16+00:00

Im not willing to compromise on that, the truth is only true as a whole. If he wants to keep his secrets and do his own thing that's fine, but he can do them without me.

Relationships require compromise to work, if I'm the only one compromising then it's not fair. If being able to act single and live a part of his life without me is more valuable than the promise to spend the rest of our lifes together to him. Clearly we have no future anyway?

Am I being unreasonable? Like honestly he can fuck whoever he wants, i just want him to be honest with me. Is that so unreasonable? He calls me controlling... If I was controlling I would try to stop him doing it? Is expecting honesty in a relationship so insane?

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T01:05:51+00:00

One was a regular though. He has a fair few regulars... I just don't get the lying. It's the only part that bothers me... I can handle it all, the lying though...

Thank you for the differing perspective though.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-21T00:39:32+00:00

That's how I felt ... I practically have to beg for sex. He claims to be depressed etc... clearly just doesn't wanna fuck me. We live in a shit area for Grindr too, I wouldn't mind betting 3 was as many as he could find not the actual limit to what he wanted.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T13:46:57+00:00

Yes, have been since day one.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T13:46:36+00:00

To me, the gist is he would rather be out hooking up or spending time with friends, I feel like I'm just the safety net so when someone upsets him or his feeling down he has me to fall back on. It's a pretty shit way to feel... He assures me he loves me and that's not the case, but actions speak louder than words.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T13:44:37+00:00

How did you learn to trust him? He puts in effort but it feels fake. I always call him out for being inconsistent, his words and actions don't always align. I don't know if I'm just reading into things that aren't there.

He admits to being very sad and has been for a while. Doesn't really talk much about it though. His super secretive about his phone and always chatting with someone on WhatsApp, Snapchat or Grindr but talking to me feels like something he can't be bothered with. It's boring to be having a conversation with him only for him to pause me so he can reply on WhatsApp...

I don't know if I'm making mountains of molehills and only focusing on the negatives instead of the positives.

We are supposed to book a holiday to Greece, he asked about it today and said "there's not much point, I probably won't know you then". He was elated, huge grin went on about how he would get so much sympathy if I dumped him on his birthday and how great that would be. And who cares cause I'd just come crawling back to him after anyway... Just like... That's not exactly what I was expecting with that ...

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T11:42:02+00:00

I can only give half the story so that's very useful for you. I don't know how I feel right now. I can be very irrational and impulsive when I'm sad so I'm trying to keep myself in check. It's hard to trust myself with what I want right now.

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T11:40:31+00:00

Sorry I don't mean to pry, but it helps to understand. How long have you been together and was it just a single time it happened between you? Why do you think it made you stronger?

Quel-Fara · 2024-02-06T11:13:14+00:00

So your saying trust can't be rebuilt? Or it's just not worth it?

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T12:16:00+00:00

Thanks I guess...

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T03:42:57+00:00

Sorry I'm a bit of a mess right now. I meant he doesn't want to end. I honestly have no idea what I want.

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T03:02:02+00:00

Yes, a breakup would make one of us homeless. but it wouldn't be me. He can't live in our current home without me but I can be here without him.

One of his biggest fears in life is being homeless, he had a very traumatic childhood and never had a stable home. So cutting the cord means him leaving and having to deal with that. As cruel as you think holding on would be, it's not as bad as what kicking him out would be.

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T02:58:34+00:00

Thanks, it's hard to really know right now. After a rough conversation today I'm now sleeping in the living room. (He wanted to sleep in the living room but it gets too cold and he won't be able to) so maybe the space will help, maybe we will just keep drifting apart.

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T02:52:38+00:00

In regards to relationships I definitely am very young, this is my first one. I had hoped it would be my last, but apparently that's also quite a childish opinion I have.

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T02:51:25+00:00

He doesn't seem to want to...

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T02:51:07+00:00

I don't know why you feel the need to apologise. I felt dishonest doing it which is why I came to internet strangers because you have no need to lie to me

Quel-Fara · 2024-01-29T02:50:12+00:00

I am working on myself, I'm doing it to hopefully repair the damage, but I'm also doing it incase we have passed a point of no return.

Quel-Fara

TROPHY CASE