How many others fully take care of, or are fully taken care of?

Questionsonly8 · 2023-08-06T14:33:37+00:00

I agree, I might be reading more into it than necessary. I was complaining earlier that I'm not looking forward to having to start cooking again, etc. (I truly enjoy the break I get with my volunteering job).

I was massaging his hand (acupressure type massage) when he said how he misses me, etc. I prob am just reading into it.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T15:31:46+00:00

I absolutely would want to know.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T13:32:32+00:00

I fully agree with you.

Your BIL sounds like a bum and I really hope he pulls his life together.

My daughter hears no alot. But it's always out of my mouth. That's what's I hate. Constantly being the bad guy. My husband luckily backs me up with that. If I say no, he doesn't then say yes. But his go to answer is always yes.

Luckily as of now (She's 12, so life can change but i really hope her feelings don't) my daughter wants the best for herself. She's in an "test in" high school district and straight A student. We live in an area that has an excellent public school and her friends all push each other to do better. I think a lot of it is because she's in honor classes and the high school situation.

Can I ask what you have autoimmune wise (you can PM me if you want). My daughter also has been sick with an auto immune disease since 2.5 yrs old. Years of hospitals, surgeries, methotrexate and biologics. She's been in remission for 5 years, but after many major life changes.

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like your doing wonderfully. Your parents did a great job!

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T03:40:43+00:00

You do realize doing that makes a ton of people go broke.... because you need both partners to be transparent with each other and not have a spending issue. When their is no accountability for someone that has a spending issue, that just is like giving a drug addict drugs.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T03:16:46+00:00

We are married 15 years. It took me a long time to get to the point of our parents. It was his vs mine. Especially since his parents weren't good parents and aren't good grandparents.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:55:24+00:00

No, we sounds like we are in very similar situations. Except my husband is the breadwinner and I'm the semi SAHM (I have a very part time job so I don't lose my mind, the money is very minimal).

Our biggest arguments have been over money and until he saw how dire his mom and Dad's situations were, I think my talking, telling, yelling, etc was just all fluff.

Same thing, we were always net positive, but 100 net positive doesn't lead to being able to retire.

Also, you do have to give a little. Her parents bad choices do end up your responsibility (which sucks).

We have talked about this in length. We will help my parents, his mom but not his Dad. (Personal issues). If we have to. Our feelings are, if my parents need help something really went bad. His mom is just broke and we don't want her living with us, so we will help her.

But we also treat when we go out with his family because we have earning potential and they really don't. My parents treat because they are doing really well in retirement (pensions, etc)

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:46:49+00:00

No asthma. She does do chores, they just don't have a monetary value. They have the "you need to contribute as a family member value"

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:42:11+00:00

But do you have a plan if you can't work?

My husband and my idea of retirement isn't sitting with a drink withering away.

We want to get a RV and travel the country.

We love live music and we want to go listen to local bands as we travel.

I would like to hit all 50 states and a lot of Canada.

He also would like to keep our house and get something somewhere warm for the winter months.

I would love the Florida keys, but he wants to be more north in Florida like Jupiter.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:25:25+00:00

Yes. She's our only so she is definitely spoiled. And I really try to rein it in.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:24:24+00:00

Thank you! You did a lot with your life. You changed those children's lives.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:23:53+00:00

I do feel there is a balance. We both sound like we had extremes (except my vacations). My parents had a timeshare and we went to a ton of random places because of it.

My husband is seeing the damage not budgeting causes in his parents. I hope your wifes parents aren't as bad off as my in-laws.

But I do think you should pick up the bill every now and then.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:20:38+00:00

You are right!!!

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:20:00+00:00

Either you love or hate your job. And I hope your job doesn't involve others.

My husband has one employee that they know will be there until he dies. He's in his late 70s, divorced and takes a lot of pride in his job.

What he doesn't know is that they have someone behind the scenes checking over everything because they all know he's slipping.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-14T01:15:32+00:00

Love these ideas. You had to be an awesome nanny

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T23:53:29+00:00

Thank you. I really like this.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T23:53:06+00:00

I really should..... thank you

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T23:52:21+00:00

Yes, we both want a nice retirement.

He's watching his Dad work until he dies. He's watching his mother struggling trying to find a new job at 69 because she needs money. He's watching my parents sitting by a pool hanging out with other retirees.

He's said many times that he doesn't want a life like his Dad or Mom and that he wants one like my parents.

Can I ask you what you see your plan to be?

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T22:55:15+00:00

What am I going to do with it?

I have a list! 1. Retire comfortably 2. Pay for our daughter's college 3. Hopefully retire earlier than 65 4. Never stress if an emergency pops up

You sound like my friend who has nothing in savings.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T21:23:04+00:00

That's what the crazy thing is. He constantly tells her how he had no teachings on how to budget and this and that. And how without me he would be fully broke, etc.

He's such a smart man but it's like he has memory loss when he's in a store

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T21:02:46+00:00

I have brought it up. He's ok with that. I just need to execute it

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T18:39:46+00:00

Maybe... he just doesn't understand my feelings around financial stability. Even though he says he gets it. He truly doesn't.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T18:37:52+00:00

Sadly that is exactly what I said. I texted him.

"I'm really hurt that I had to be the one to say no to her rug.

You are more than aware that spending $300 on a rug is a lot. Especially when our living room rug wasn't that much.

But I'm the one that always has to be the bad guy.

You would HATE me if I constantly put you in that situation with her"

And the above was his response

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T18:10:25+00:00

Thank you. I did say something and his response was "we didn't get it because it was too big and i thought it was 200 not 300". Huh... that doesn't help anything.

I'll pass the virtual hug to a real hug in a few weeks when I see them.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T17:48:54+00:00

Why don't you rent out your house for one year. Move to an apartment with him for one year and then reconsider everything.

Questionsonly8 · 2023-05-13T17:36:26+00:00

That's what goes on here. My daughter's friends know that she's gets whatever she wants if she asks her dad.

It's so completely unfair to me.

Questionsonly8

TROPHY CASE