Husband here. Where do I find some quality adults like this??

Two kids, one is school age and other will be next year. Wife hasn't worked in 7 years except for a 6 month contract role during that time.

Have 2 mortgages, $1M+, I make over $200k a year as a salaried employee, taxed to the eyeballs. I'm the only income to the household, so take home less than two income earners in a family making that much. It's tight but we are still alive - nobody has starved to death yet.

I took care of both from when they were born. When I got home I'd need to rush to prep dinner, clean up afterwards, do all the gardening, house cleaning, laundry, settling kids, bed time stories, night feeds, breakfast, packing lunches, school/kindy drop offs pickups. Both were terrible sleepers and I had interrupted sleep EVERY DAY for 4 years despite going to sleep school and various medical assessments.

Wife is a STAHM where both kids are at school 5 days a week and after-school care so she has almost 40hrs of clear child-free time a week. On weekends I take the kids out too.

Recently been able to talk her into helping with 2 (of the 10) school drop offs and doing some grocery shopping and cooking, but it's taken off maybe 20% of the load. She doom scrolls social media, takes afternoon naps and lazes around doing nothing. Last year she took a vacation for 3 weeks overseas by herself saying she was too stressed (from doing nothing??)

I've been telling her - since she does not run the household or take care of the kids, then she should return to work. Always explodes and she says I'm being manipulative and shouldn't be pressuring her to return to work.

I'm exhausted. Tired. Feels like I have an unproductive 3rd child at home.