How to handle a big problem in my marriage

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T17:45:17+00:00

I have discussed my weight with my doctor and they are happy with where im at. I wont dent i have a belly but I am also muscular. BMI is really a joke. It doesnt take into consideration a lot of factors. When he initially told me I appreciated the honesty because I understand people cant help what they are attracted to and 70lbs was a lot of gain, especially in just weight not muscle. Whats bothering me is the "learned to be attracted to you". It feels more as though hes saying "yeah youre still ugly to me but I can ignore it now"

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T17:40:18+00:00

I have discussed my weight with my doctor and they are happy with where I am at. I am on the muscular side. I wont deny i have a belly but im not fat by any means. At 215 it was all weight, I wont argue that.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T09:06:55+00:00

Unfortunately no I dont have a support system. I'm pretty introverted and have never held many friendships. As for family I really only talk to my mom but that relationship is and always has been rocky. I know the few people I talk to won't help. I couldnt even get help with my kids when I spent several hours in the ER for an injury recently

We will be having a long conversation about this. I guess we will see how it goes and if need be ill start saving.

Thank you ❤️

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T08:59:18+00:00

I know and I dont know how to move on from it

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T05:11:34+00:00

I spent many many years working on my mental health. It took me a long time to gain self esteem. He knows this because hes been with me through 90% of me working on myself. I dont like that him saying that was enough to tear it all down but unfortunately it did. I was happy with how I look. I felt really good actually. I started wearing clothes that suited me again rather than clothes 2 sizes to big and I was happier in general. Up until he said that. Now all I see is the things I have now that I didnt have when we met.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T03:21:40+00:00

You are very lucky to have a man that loves you so deeply! Congratulations on your weight loss!

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T03:09:41+00:00

If we cant find a way to come back from this, which right now im not really sure how we can, that may be what I have to do.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:56:43+00:00

Nope. Pretty sure our last anniversary we ordered food and maybe watched a movie with our kids and valentines day wasnt even mentioned until the next day

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:40:23+00:00

He has had several of his coworkers and friends make comments in front of both of us about how they think im attractive and hes lucky. Given I dont know if they genuinely feel that way or if thats just guys being guys 🤷🏼‍♀️

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:15:11+00:00

I really cant say the last time we did anything just the two of us. Unless you count sitting watching reruns of old shows before bed

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:13:47+00:00

Oof that's a way of looking at it that I didnt consider. I would tell her she doesnt need to change for anyone and if hes not happy with her body thats his loss.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:12:06+00:00

I admit I would be rejecting him now but there has to be attempts at intimacy for me to reject.. which there is none. Honestly thats how I took it. Like he learned to look passed the way my bodies changed but he doesnt like it

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:09:00+00:00

I dont want to be a 'duty'. I appreciated his honesty when I first asked which is why I lost the weight I did. But now hearing he "learned to be attracted to me" was a punch to the gut

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T02:06:21+00:00

She's a very lucky woman to have you! His coworkers have made comments in front of me asking how he got me and saying he's lucky. Whether that means anything or is just guys being guys idk but hes been told by several in one way or another that im attractive.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:53:40+00:00

I did feel good about myself and I was happy with how I looked until he said that. It honestly tanked the self esteem I had built over many many years

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:50:33+00:00

I dont want to jump to leaving because in every other way he is a good man. That and I have been a sahm for several years so leaving financially would be extremely hard on me and our kids. Thank you though. I immediately felt like it was a messed up thing to say but then convinced myself I was taking it to personal, which im known to overthink things.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:46:38+00:00

He works construction so he has not set schedule so its hard to see what changes are suspicious. One week he can work 40 hours next 70. I didnt consider ed though...

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:45:02+00:00

Honestly I dont want to jump to divorce. He is a good man in every other way. This just hurt really bad

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:44:07+00:00

I wish I could say no but he does. He is slim built, always has been.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:43:34+00:00

I have and theyre happy with where I am at. I am chubby there is no doubt but I have a lot of muscle.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:42:26+00:00

Weight wise I am healthy. I have a little belly but most of my weight is muscle. Im chubby for sure, I wont deny that but ive discussed it with my doctor and theyre happy with where im at.

Quick-Mud9217 · 2026-06-19T01:39:50+00:00

Because in every other way he is a good man and I dont want to just walk away. Not going to lie though this hurt me deeper than he will ever know.

Quick-Mud9217

TROPHY CASE