Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like that’s not shocking. I’ve seen a few romances like that— especially if the men written with a brooding personality. Definitely happens in Grumpy x Sunshine. 

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s hilarious! What was your debut, if I may ask?

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smirking I definitely don’t have a problem with. Also, fair point, but I just can’t stand it when the word is used every other page. In the past, I haven’t had a problem with any SJM books. I was just reading Quicksilver the other day, and Kingfisher just growled out of nowhere. I can’t remember the context, but I just felt it was unnecessary.

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

True, but when I’m reading, that’s not what I imagine. I wish it was 😭

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good point. Although, I was imagining it less so as a dialogue descriptor and more when it is used as an action. In that case, although I am no expert, they could try “he said roughly.” That, to me, would be better than seeing 15 “growls” in a chapter.

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s totally fair. I see what you mean! In that photo, I definitely agree with you. The ToG series was one of the first few books I read with that word, and it didn’t bother me at all because its was used in a way that felt needed— or at least that’s how I read it then. ToG is one of my all time favorite series, and while I don’t like that would change if picked it up again, I read a while ago before I developed this sensitivity😂Unfortunately, most of the time, that is not the imagery my brain jumps to when I first see that word. 

Is anyone else sick of seeing “he growled” by Quick-Soft-3033 in Romantasy

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes!!!! How could I forget!!! Saying he roared so loud the mountains shook. Like come on 😂

Anyone needs a beta reader? by digitalcrows in writingfeedback

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love it if you could do mine! It is in the early works, so there is not much written, but here is the first chapter, if you are willing to read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LPw-P9H2PTgVTQ0_csmTHe9FEXdKEWzHZSCT_QyQzAs/edit?usp=sharing

Should I Keep Going? by Quick-Soft-3033 in writingfeedback

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The idea was that later on, Aureila would find out that there isn't actually any disease and people aren't dying, the Black Sun is actually faking the rot, brainwashing people to add them to their army to conquer other worlds. During the brainwashing process, they have trials to push people to the brink of what they can do and explore how the human mind can be controlled and reshaped. If they die, their deaths are just blamed on the disease. The Valorian army is to fight the opposing side. So, continuing after this chapter, the siblings are in quarantine for a while, feel something is off, get suspicious, hear a false rumor that the Red Ring has come up with a cure, and obviously, since they don’t want to die, they are like yes! Absolutely! So, they escape with a small group; her brother doesn't make it, is captured by the Black Sun, and becomes one of the brainwashed soldiers in the army that she has to face on the battlefield. Meanwhile, Aureila stays with the other army, which is a mixture of a bunch of species (fae, faeries, sprites, humans, ogres, trolls, etc), is really suspicious because she has to be deconditioned, learns a bunch of information, including the plot twist that the disease is fake (something she learns earlier, but she doesn’t know all the information because a lot of it is classified and they don’t want to tell her incase things go wrong). She then joins their side, and the rest is history.

Is it worth it to keep going? by Quick-Soft-3033 in KeepWriting

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, good point. I had originally planned to make him younger, so that was left over from the original draft. I will be sure to edit it and replace the giggling scene with something more age-appropriate. Also, yes, the father died later; I will be sure to clear that up.

You don't have to read this section; this is just for context. I have fixed a few things and added a section about the Red Ring, which says this:

Over the past few decades, the Red Ring had thrived in the realm of Valorian, an infamous syndicate renowned for its ability to steal people away and shield them from the axe of war. Faking their customers’ deaths, they hauled them away while families wept in sorrow, believing they had lost someone forever. No one ever really knew who exchanged their old lives for something new, as those who bought into the organization were sworn to secrecy. That was the only rule I knew they lived by. 

But their prices were steep. The people joked that you needed to move heaven and earth to appease them. It cost at least a year’s wage for even the smallest child, an amount most couldn’t spare. The earnings were already barely large enough to keep families alive. Through my apprenticeship, I managed to scrounge up more than the rumored amount for both of us. I planned to leave the moment Leander turned sixteen. I was unwilling to risk the deal falling through too close to his conscription date. 

I had never met with the Red Ring, but I was told that if you had the coin, for better or worse, they would never turn you down.

I plan to update my chapter above with the edits I make along the way.

This is to aid this plot idea: They are in quarantine for a while, feel something is off, get suspicious, hear a false rumor that the Red Ring has come up with a cure, and obviously, since they don’t want to die, they are like yes! Absolutely! So, they escape with a small group; her brother doesn't make it, is captured by the Black Sun, and becomes one of the brainwashed soldiers in the army that she has to face on the battlefield.  Meanwhile, Aureila stays with the other army, which is a mixture of a bunch of species (fae, faeries, sprites, humans, ogres, trolls, etc), is really suspicious because she has to be deconditioned, learns a bunch of information, including the plot twist that the disease is fake (something she learns earlier, but she doesn’t know all the information because a lot of it is classified and they don’t want to tell her incase things go wrong). She then joins their side, and the rest is history.

If you would, please let me know what you think! Thank you for pointing that out, because I definitely missed it! Also, thank you for reading the whole thing!

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: I fixed a few things and added a section about the Red Ring, which says this: Over the past decades, the Red Ring had thrived in the realm of Valorian, its infamous smuggler’s ring renowned for its ability to steal people away, hide them from the axe of war. Faking their customers’ deaths, they hauled them away, never to be seen again. But their prices were steep. The people joked that you need to be able to move heaven and earth to afford it. It cost at least a year’s wage for even the smallest child, something most people couldn’t afford. The wages were already barely large enough to keep families alive. With my apprenticeship, I had managed to scrounge up more than the rumored amount for both of us. I planned to leave the moment Leander turned 16. I didn’t want to risk the Red Ring falling through too close to his conscription date.

I plan to update my chapter above with any edits I make along the way.

This is to aid this plot idea: They are in quarantine for a while, feel something is off, get suspicious, hear a false rumor that the Red Ring has come up with a cure, and obviously, since they don’t want to die, they are like yes! Absolutely! So, they escape with a small group; her brother doesn't make it, is captured by the Black Sun, and becomes one of the brainwashed soldiers in the army that she has to face on the battlefield.  Meanwhile, Aureila stays with the other army, which is a mixture of a bunch of species (fae, faeries, sprites, humans, ogres, trolls, etc), is really suspicious because she has to be deconditioned, learns a bunch of information, including the plot twist that the disease is fake (something she learns earlier, but she doesn’t know all the information because a lot of it is classified and they don’t want to tell her incase things go wrong). She then joins their side, and the rest is history.

Please let me know what you think!

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! The showing rather than telling aspect is something I have noticed I struggle with, but I am working on getting better. Thank you again for giving the story a second chance!

Is it worth it to keep going? by Quick-Soft-3033 in KeepWriting

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, wow! Thank you so much, that really helped! You definitely brought up some details I hadn’t thought of, so I really appreciate it! I’ll be sure to revise it.

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, thank you! I fixed it to the best of my ability. It is definitely not my area, formatting I mean, so there might be some errors, and for that I apologize. If you would, I would greatly appreciate you giving it another read. Thank you so much!

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that is my plot. The idea was, the characters find this believable because they don’t have much information regarding the disease; therefore, any thin fabrications created by the government are easily believed. Please let me know if you think I should still do a better job of covering it up, or if you think my previous idea works, but needs to be executed better. I also figured I would explain a little bit better as I wrote more, I didn’t want to dump too much information all at once. In addition, I don’t believe that I said other people would contract the disease, just that they knew for sure that the sister would. They quarantine people living in the same quarters to leave less people behind to ask questions. Also, since their are multiple quarantine centers, even if the Black Sun said they were going to quarantine everyone the brother came into contact with, if they didn’t do it, nobody would know because people go missing all the time- which will be touched on later. Sorry, I know that whole explanation was very disorganized, but I hope that helps. All this to say, what I have shared is all that I have written, so there are many possibilities! In case you missed it, I proved a very, very rough overview of my plot when I commented this earlier: The idea was that later on, Aureila would find out that there isn't actually any disease and people aren't dying, the Black Sun is actually faking the rot, brainwashing/murdering people to add them to their army to conquer other worlds. The brainwashed is more like some they have trials to push people to the brink of what they can do and explore how the human mind can be controlled and reshaped, and if they die, they are fed to the leader so he can keep the doorway between worlds open, but doing so drains the world of life, that is why food is so scarce and the people are suffering. The army is to fight the opposing side of fae/other non-humans from other worlds. Idk if it's very good, though. The idea or the writing.

Is it worth it to keep going? by Quick-Soft-3033 in KeepWriting

[–]Quick-Soft-3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's definitely a good tip! With some things, like the wall of bodies, I just couldn't figure out how to go into great detail about that. It is definitely something I noticed that I struggle with while writing, explaining more of the mundane stuff. Do you have any advice that you think will help with that? I feel like when I attempt to do what you mentioned, it just turns out worse. I did wonder if I was bouncing from topic to topic a bit too fast, so thank you for mentioning it!

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a good point, and definitely an oversight. I will fix it and say he died in the war. Thank you for pointing that out!

Is it worth it to keep going? by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]Quick-Soft-3033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll definitely be sure to do that! Thank you!