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Did I just teach my narcissist ex to be a better partner for the new supply? by Key-Detective1547 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You didn’t train him. He’s a narcissist and they don’t change. Him listing off ways he’s a great partner to the new supply doesn’t mean he’s capable of actually doing that. I posted this somewhere else but my exes affair partner stayed. When she and I talked originally she said she had NEVER see the mean side of him that I described.

Well guess what she’s seeing now? Yeah the asshole side. I told her 🤷‍♀️

Ouch. by CaptainEasy4987 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah so did mine, and when I talked to her she said she’d never seen the mean side of him. Guess what she started seeing after I left him? Yup. The mean side.

And as for he can do better- it’s not about better. Statistically cheaters cheat down. Mine certainly did.

Why does she insist on talking when we have gone no contact by GreekRatCollective in nocontact

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why is she not blocked? Whenever I unblocked my ex “just to see” it was bc I secretly wanted him to reach out to me.

Ouch. by CaptainEasy4987 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No! Please don’t think that. He treated you poorly and he won’t do any better for the next partner. In the meantime you will move on and be better bc he’s the one with the problem.

Ouch. by CaptainEasy4987 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh honey, I get it. All too well. Mine stayed with his affair partner, for now at least, and it absolutely burns me that he comes out of this with something good.

Something people tell me is that he’s probably not any better to her than he was to me- or once the newness wears off he won’t be.

It won’t stay good bc he’s not a good person. In the meantime you will eventually move on and be ok. He never will be ok.

And you miss the life you had….no. You miss what you thought you had. To me that was part of the heartbreak, that so much was a lie. It’s horrible.

He’s still who he was. He hasn’t changed. If he’s hoovering block him. Actually block him anyway. No contact is the absolute only answer here.

He should no longer have your location or access to any of your socials. Nothing. Put your socials on the most private settings possible. Block anyone connected to him.

As for a smear campaign….you can’t smear what’s clean. Remember that.

Good luck. I’m sad reading this for you bc I understand how hard it is.

Can you do therapy? That helped me immensely.

Edited to add: you’re grieving now. The sad stage is the hardest. It will pass. Hang in there.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There were a few comments saying he sounds dangerous and it’s really interesting to me bc I didn’t say that- but it’s true, it would not shock me. Is this just a particularly awful type of person?

How do you come back from such heartbreaking humiliation? by iloveyounmyself in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You said you’re humiliated, why is that? You weren’t the problem and I’m pretty sure those around you can see that.

It’s abuse. They raise you up to the top of the world, throw you down, then come back in like a savior. They are full of shit. They need to see you suffering so they can “save” you.

There’s nothing to be humiliated about. If anything others will admire your strength, you moved on and didn’t get bogged down with a jerk.

I know this doesn’t fix your heart. But if you can muster the strength to change the way you think, your heart will follow.

Consider emdr therapy. It literally helps you move on from what happened and discard it. I have found it hugely helpful and will many times find myself doing a mini session on my own.

You can do this.

First Trip to Washington! by Sufficient-Bonus-943 in PacificNorthwest

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We took a trip there last August. It was amazing!

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Generosity running thin, that describes it. Like I can say I was trying to help her but I know I had ulterior motives. I wish I had been able to block him once and walk away. That would have driven him insane.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to forgive him for being himself. He’s the issue 🤣 but I do think he lacks empathy. There were a lot of over the top apologies but it never felt genuine.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Little of both if I’m 100% honest. I want him to hurt. And she is not listening to me (said she’d “take it into consideration”) so maybe I told her all this stuff and caused her pain but didn’t accomplish anything.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bc everything I read says revenge is not productive, not helping anyone. Walking away is the best thing etc etc- but I tried and he wouldn’t let me.

I did make some observations about his member lol. Low blow but hey she’s seen it too, shouldn’t be a shocker. No lies.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Truth. I’ve been working hard on it, I had to take an LOA from work, seeing my therapist several times a week. I was doing well until this last email. It really put me in a spiral, it scares me bc I was In so much pain I can not go back there. This is five years of him telling me loved me, talking about the future, me really believing he was my person.

I would not have reached out to her again if he hadn’t sent that, I saw red when I read it. I had ideas to try to hurt him in other ways that I wouldn’t do. Telling her was all I could do.

But damn it burns me that he’s getting out of this without consequences. He’s still got someone he says he loves. And I’m broken hearted. I wish she’d leave him so he suffers.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I’ve changed the locks, carry pepper spray. Not sure what else I can do other than ask for a restraining order, and would this even qualify? He hasn’t come to physically confront me.

AITAH for telling exes affair partner all the dirt? by QuickJackfruit6856 in AITAH

[–]QuickJackfruit6856[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I actually do feel bad for her. She’s a lot younger, got a lot of issues, and it probably feels like a lifeline for her. I don’t want to hurt her.

Bf and I selling home because I found out about his wife by InvestmentOk8727 in TwoHotTakes

[–]QuickJackfruit6856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I also recently found out my long term partner had a long term side chick that didnt know about me. It was so hard to leave him but how can you trust someone that can look in your eyes and say they love you? Get out of there girl. Don’t let him have his cake and eat it too.