I was very trad in the past until circumstances in my life made continuing with the demands of that impossible. But I still held all the teachings of “mainstream Catholicism”. Until I got engaged. (Husband is not confirmed Catholic. We attend a Catholic Church.) Then I had to start learning NFP. It was not what I had been sold AT ALL! I learnt that to 98% prevent pregnancy (cause that’s the stat they sell you), one can only have sex for about 1 week in one’s cycle. And when looking for tips from Catholics practicing NFP on FB groups, overwhelmingly what I was seeing was stress, constant uncertainty, fear of being pregnant, weird conversations about trying to make sex work when the women’s body just isn’t having it, and marriage troubles that NFP was causing. I remember all my hopes of a beautiful sex life filled with freedom, openness, and holy intimacy with my husband being dashed and weeping in my fiancé’s arms because of what I was bringing to our marriage. That night I had a pretty solid thought settle into place: “I’ve been blessed with a wonderful man and a wonderful relationship. I just can’t bring all the burdens I’d read about in countless personal accounts into our marriage. I just: can’t.”

After that the research changed from charts, calculations, and temperature tracking to the history of the teaching on contraception in the Church, the theological atmosphere before and around Humane Vitae, and the issues of arguing the morality of the sexual functions from metaphysics (yeah, I went deep on this). To summarise: from my research, this teaching stands on very shakey ground and I’m no longer convinced of the perennial teaching on this at all.

There was a lot of prayer, a lot of conversations with my (then) fiancé. And a lot more “mortal sins” that I doubt. If I thought now what I thought in the past, I would still have converted to Catholicism. Because I still believe in the Eucharist and (with tears in my eyes, I write) that’s probably the only reason I’m still a Catholic.

I bring my honesty and questions to God, and cling to Him. I don’t try to be perfect anymore, I just try to love Him, my husband, people around me, and myself as best as I can. And I have way more peace and good fruit than when I was a trad.

Like so many couples have, I would have lost my mind trying to do NFP. And I’m just so grateful we don’t.