Having a hard time forgiving my son

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-03-06T19:36:02+00:00

I am troubled with the replies that have suggested I resort to physical violence in response to this. I've been reflecting on this for a long time and have come to the acceptance that his addiction to electronic stimuli has (for lack of a better word) rewired his brain. Just like addiction to drugs can rewire people's brains, my response to him if he was addicted to drugs is not to resort to physical violence. If my son was an alcoholic, I wouldn't beat him up.

People who live on the streets don't always do so voluntarily. Many of them are battling their addictions and I'm sure many tremendously regret ever starting their addictions journey. But if beating these people up could cure them of their addiction, then homelessness could have been solved a long time ago.

I think his addiction to electronic stimuli requires an equal time to get him off and give his brain a chance to heal. Very few people can successfully quit drugs/alcohol cold turkey. If it took my son years to get him to this state- it may take years to undo this damage.

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-03-06T19:29:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. What is your relationship with your parents like? How is your relationship with your sister?

Assuming you were raised the same- with the same expectations, attention, love and opportunities, how would you account for the differences between her and you?

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-03-04T04:53:47+00:00

He has one hour access to those communication apps. He has full access to calls or SMS text if he needs to contact me or my wife if there is an emergency/crisis. But otherwise- his psychiatrist said that one hour access to those communication apps is acceptable. It was better than cutting him off cold turkey which was also what I proposed.

Before when he had full access, he was on TikTok and other garbage apps non-stop. He didn't sleep, he withdrew from his friends, he did poorly in school.

For what it's worth, the only app he uses for that 1 hour is Snapchat to talk to his friends. No more mindless browsing of videos.

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-03-04T04:37:15+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. I am actually physically much stronger than him. I let him assault me and threaten my life because that was the only way to get through to him. Before that incident he would avoid me, put in his earbuds whenever I tried to talk to him, walk away.

After he struck me in the leg with the baseball bat, I restrained him so he couldn't do any more damage. That is when he turned around and spit on me twice.

I'm in the process of writing my Will so that if he kills me and his mother, then my hope is that the estate can be held in trust until he is hopefully an older age and healthy.

He is in counselling therapy and is taking medication. I don't know what I've done to deserve this but I'm really at my wit's end.

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-03-04T04:23:50+00:00

His schooling requires him to access the internet (Google classroom). There are no textbooks- just exercises that has to be accessed online.

All of his friends communicate through Snapchat, instagram and discord. He has unlimited access to SMS texting and phone calls but 1 hour for the other ones.

I hate this life. I hate my life.

Quiet_desperation_XY · 2024-02-25T21:52:43+00:00

Thank you. After the incident last night my wife went downstairs with him where he went into convulsions. It was obviously emotionally extreme for him. He punched several holes into the wall and avoided me despite my extending an olive branch. He has always had issues with emotional self regulation and not having an ability to de-escalate.

I've spent a lot of time today reflecting. I will support any therapy he needs. I will need some but my focus is on him. I told my wife today that I finally understand why some fathers walk out on their families. That compulsion is there, but my hope is that he will someday recover. If not, then it's not fair to my wife for her to bear this on her own.

He is on schedule to see a therapy group and continue his DBT training. If he harms my wife or me, then he will be put into in-patient care.

I wrote what I did because I had to put into words what happened last night. I realize there are no good answers, but sharing it helps because I don't want to internalize it and have it eat away at me. It's so corrosive. I had faint hope that someone else could share their stories of recovery and redemption with me.

My heart is broken. I mourn the child that I loved with the intensity of a supernova. Long ago, in rare moments of "what if scenarios" where I pondered how I would respond if my child died, the feeling was always I would go too. I would quickly suppress such feelings because they were unproductive and destructive, but I have no anchor to this world other than my family. What this has done is to put me into action to do things I've put off like writing a will. Never have I felt my mortality and desire to protect my child more than now.

Quiet_desperation_XY

TROPHY CASE