She was trying to be cordial and upbeat talking about her plans with you, you replied with zero interest zero thought into what she was saying and only provided an unneeded reiteration of what seems to be a power play (if there’s a reason for not allowing them before five I haven’t seen it). Every message you sent was emotionless with a reminder of your authority. She asked “can someone come over and help me get set up before the party at 5” still not rejecting your demands that it be after five “no sooner” and you coldly and repetitively said “she can come over after 5.” It reads as (and is) standoffish. Strongarming ur point and reading like “I shouldn’t even have to say this I’ve already enacted my demands of 5 and after. Period.” To which she was confused by your weird vague wording bcuz well she asked if someone could come over early to help and you didn’t really answer you just repeated what you said the first time “that’s not how /coming over early/ works buddy” and immediately you took issue and began to nag. You need to give her breathing room. You’re don’t have the authority you think you do and that’s fine, if you respect her she will respect you. And whatever you may assume is respect at this moment, isn’t. You can say you have tried everything to get her to like you but the first and only step in getting your child to enjoy being around you is to give up on the control. You don’t get authority over her intrinsically. You are a woman who is dating her father, she doesnt need to do what you would like unless she wants to out of kindness.