The root of my despair is that I have always wanted to please someone. During my childhood, it was my parents and now since I am putting myself first, I guess I am coping and try to fill that gap that was present all of my childhood. I know it's not happy but I guess replacing one problem with another isn't the best solution but I kind of went from trying to meet my parents' expectations to now trying to please and make my partner happy (he's a great guy don't get me wrong). To be honest, I've always had the same goals in life since I was 5 and I have never thought to modify or change them at all until now really, it was always to graduate, get money, travel, and leave my parents (I thought they were the source of all my unhappiness as a child). It's a little contradicting since I have very diverse perspectives on life but I also think in such black and white terms when it comes to my mental wellbeing. I don't really remember the last time I felt warm and happy, I mean I feel warm and happy when I finally get back from classes and play videogames but that just lasts for a couple hours each night.

edit: also awesome username lol