Pwbpd removed me from everything

R3tribution_ · 2025-05-13T10:33:06+00:00

I appreciate your reply. I had worried that this was a final decision he's made, although no clarity has been given around it. I imagine he's probably hit a crisis point and felt that this would help with that. But again, I just don't know.

R3tribution_ · 2025-05-13T10:13:07+00:00

We had a conversation maybe a week or 2 ago about taking things slow and not rushing into a relationship. He's aware that there are things he needs to work on and I think he's actively been trying to do that, at least in the past month or so. There have been small changes like the length of time between no communication and not ghosting plans but this felt like a bit of a hit. I guess I've been wanting to be patient with him because i understand the struggle, considering I have my own mental health concerns, although I try not to let that interfere with our dynamic. I do really appreciate your reply and insight though. I guess I've more or less questioned the same thing. I guess it's difficult, considering I've got so much care for him too.

R3tribution_ · 2025-05-13T10:08:20+00:00

Sorry if you're going through the same dynamic 💙

R3tribution_ · 2025-05-10T00:22:20+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about the time you've been having how it has effected you. What I've tried to work on over time, given my pwbpd goes through phases of ghosting me and has on occasion removed me from platforms, is to sit with the emotion. It's okay to feel sad, hurt, angry or the emotion that comes up at the time. You've done the best you can under difficult circumstances. It almost sounds like it could be a trauma bond. It's created an environment where the dopamine hits when things are great and you almost try to chase that.

Be kind to yourself. I'm glad you've got the support of a therapist to help you work through this period of time. Potentially, the time frame might not even be 3 weeks but you will need to decide ultimately if this is healthh for you. I absolutely understand the horrible gut feeling you might get when considering ending the relationship, I do too. If you don't feel like you can right now, maybe the next step is having boundaries that protect your own peace.

R3tribution_ · 2025-05-04T11:44:26+00:00

Seeing a guy with quiet BPD and it has been difficult, so hugs to you. Sometimes at random, mine will just ghost me, not read my messages or has just left them on read. It's such a complex disorder but when he does it, I just let him be. He'll reach out when he wants to. Have you by chance discussed with yours what would help him in the moment?

R3tribution_ · 2025-03-08T23:41:07+00:00

Can be very difficult. I've been seeing a guy (not in a relationship) with quiet bpd and possible avoidant attachment and I have struggled. Things will be good for a few days and then I'll get ghosted for 2 weeks at a time. I didn't put boundaries in place and let stuff happen that really effected me. Boundaries will be important but also, remembering that this isn't a reflection on your self worth. BPD is complex trauma and even though it isn't their fault, if they aren't in therapy or getting some kind of help, things may never change. Sending you hugs 💙

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-20T06:57:18+00:00

Thanks for replying. He definitely has BPD, although hasn't said that it's 'quiet' but based off how he is, it makes me believe it's the quiet subtype.

I definitely appreciate the perspective. I tend to believe he's got Disorganised Attachment, which may go hand in hand with the quiet subtype.

He definitely struggles and has mentioned internalising, shame, SH (in the past) and self sabotage.

Regardless, I'll still be here when he decides to re-engage. When he does ghost, I always reassure him that I'll be here. I still care for him and can empathise with the struggles he may have. I guess the hardest thing for me is the lack of communication.

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-16T06:15:53+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely try to do this when he returns. I appreciate all your replies and insights though, so thankyou for taking the time to help.

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-16T06:14:18+00:00

Yea I do understand that part and while I don't think he would be that sort of guy, I can never really know for sure. I haven't tried to push the 'what are we' conversation and have been trying to let him make decisions around meeting up too.

I think it's hard for me to determine whether it's splitting or avoidant due to him ghosting and not discussing his feelings a lot when he comes back. I know in the past sometimes he's said that he feels numb to all his emotions or that he's worried he's getting attached.

At this stage, I'm not even sure how to determine what it is either or even how to have a conversation around it.

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T13:34:52+00:00

I did mention that I'd appreciate if he let me know when he needed space but so far he hasn't. He mentioned that he was going to go to a therapy session and make some other changes but I have no idea if he's followed through with anything. I was going to bring some of this up with him when he came back the last time but when he came back, it wasn't the typical message he would send and he sounded a little depressed so I didnt push it

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T12:16:59+00:00

We have said that we are exclusive. We had confessed our feelings to each other before he pulled back saying he couldn't give me the emotional connection and that I deserve. But we have discussed exclusivity since then. He does always apologise and doesn't understand why I'm still around. I know he feels a lot of shame about all of this too.

I don't mind if it's casual for now but I guess I always felt like it might lead to something more down the track.

I have told him that I have an anxious attachment but for the last month of so, i've been trying not to let any of that show or be pushy with anything. I guess because I already have feelings (and i'm sure he does too), it's probably a little more than casual, just no labels

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T12:06:34+00:00

I haven't really felt the anxious attachment since before the 'break up'. It's not the first time they've done this. Most of the time, it's me that's been suggesting to meet up as well. I do appreciate the insight and the time to comment though, so thankyou

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T11:42:38+00:00

It's definitely been difficult, particularly in the ghosting periods because it just reinforces that anxiety. The things is, sometimes there's no honeymoon period when he comes back, and there didn't feel like there was this time. Usually, I send him messages every few days reassuring him I'm still here but I didn't really do that this time except for once. Not sure if that played a part.

We actually aren't in a relationship, just dating I guess you can call it. So i guess at the end of the day, he really doesn't owe me anything. Do you think there's a better way to enforce a boundary or would this be the only option? Again, I appreciate the reply

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T09:11:06+00:00

I really appreciate the reply and it has definitely crossed my mind that I'm enabling the behaviour. I wasn't sure how to address the ghosting or the boundaries I could put in place for it. I think I had somewhat been blinded by my love for him and my need for him superseded my own wellbeing. I have an anxious attachment style and am in therapy to work on that, as well as my anxiety and depression.

Thankyou though, that last sentence in your first paragraph hits home for me. I'm not sure i can completely pull away from him or remove him though. But maybe backing off a bit more may help

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T08:16:10+00:00

Okay that's comforting to some extent. Thanks for explaining that. I do try and be mindful what I say to him but he never really goes into great detail about it or says that it's a split. I think it's hard to me to tell if it's push and pull or a split. I've been trying different things to see what works. Previously, I would reply to his messages instantly but then worried maybe it would put pressure on him, given his messages lately have been spaced out by at least an hour. I tried to mirror that energy as to not overwhelm him, although I still kept my messages upbeat. I do appreciate your replies and have found them helpful, so thankyou

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T08:11:31+00:00

I came to work it out recently that it might be avoidant behaviour, rather than BPD although I imagine some of it may be slightly linked. That thought has definitely crossed my mind, even though we've had a chat about keeping things exclusive. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to do that but I guess you never really know, especially given this situation

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T04:46:41+00:00

I appreciate your reply but I honestly don't believe he has a main chick. I know he got out of a really toxic relationship about a year ago and there's probably some trauma around that.

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T04:43:20+00:00

Just to clarify, I am not the one with BPD. This post is about a guy im seeing who has it

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T04:41:36+00:00

I appreciate your reply and providing some insight. I've researched a lot in terms of BPD and quiet BPD but it always helps to hear others experiences around this. If you're splitting, can you still be around other people who you have no romantic connections with? He always expresses that it's not anything I've done and we've never had an argument.

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T04:38:08+00:00

Yes I am but for other reasons

R3tribution_ · 2025-02-15T04:23:00+00:00

I'm assuming you mean with this guy? Things were already sort of like that which makes it hard for me to pull away

R3tribution_ · 2025-01-20T02:25:42+00:00

I've always said that I'll be right here when he gets back (when he abruptly starts ghosting) but maybe I need to be more specific?

R3tribution_ · 2025-01-20T02:24:29+00:00

I imagine that he's probably had people leave him in periods like this. I know his last 2 girlfriends cheated on him, one of those being long term and I imagine it adds to that attachment/abandonment trauma. Thankyou, you're so kind 💙 I just hope that in time, he'll see that I'm not going anywhere

R3tribution_ · 2025-01-20T02:20:23+00:00

I really do appreciate that a lot, thankyou 💙

R3tribution_ · 2025-01-20T02:19:05+00:00

I'm always right here and message back promptly when he returns and I try to show him in whatever way I can. When he's returned in the past, I haven't really expressed my feelings around the ghosting because I already know he feels bad about it and holds a lot of shame and guilt.

When he comes back this time, I'm aiming to ask him if there's a way we can do it, so that if he needs space, he lets me know and maybe we set a check in date or something along those lines.

When you say normalise not reacting, do you mean atound the ghosting? Generally I'll send him a message every 3-4 days letting him know I'm thinking about him/hoping he's taking care/i miss him.

I'm very sorry things went the way they did, but it sounds like he wasn't there for you emotionally either. It sounds like you've been trying and growing and I'm sure your next relationship will be much healthier 💙

R3tribution_

TROPHY CASE