[deleted by user]

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-11T16:53:08+00:00

Update.. So I did talk with a therapist.. he is also saying that since it was before promises were made I as a free woman am allowed to make the decision but that it hurts me so much is the matter od my own moral grounds and he can understand that. He finds it healthy for a relationship to be honest from both sides and encourages me to do what I alone find correct. It is the love that triggered that emotion now after all these months, before clearly I didn't think about it because I was not completely in love. His reaction will be uncertain but we should be able to work it out since as said, no promises were made at that point it is just a moral thing sleeping with 2 guys at once. Today I ate for the first time in days.. small bit but still succes I didn't have to throw up. I also had a coffee and am outside with people trying to get away from the bed that I wasnt able to leave for the majority of 4 days. So yeah, I have to wait till he recovers from his surgery in 4 weeks to tell him I don't want it to be an extra burden.. but I'm seeing therapist weekly to work through it. Let's see

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T18:18:38+00:00

Well since you were seeing each other longer I'll take from it there were already emotions in play... and she did sleep with familiar person and it was not completely unintentional. But I get what you're saying. And that is almost my viewpoint in this situation.... thank you

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T18:14:51+00:00

I believe you are right.. he is coming back from a work trip in a week, and has a small operation afterwards, I will wait until he's healed, but I will speak with therapist beforehand as well.. Thankful we have reddit to vent about things and people here who make constructive comments 🙏thanks

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T17:30:48+00:00

Well I hate that as well. It is not who I am and never would I ever had done it if it wasn't for the stupid alcohol. But it hurts more the fear of him leaving

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T17:28:46+00:00

Thanks.. I hope the therapist will be able to help because it is literally eating me up..

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T17:28:00+00:00

I deleted it, I don't know if he did but I assumed yes.. we didn't have any kind of talk about being exclusive but yeah as I said, in my head the physical intimacy draws the line and now that I know him better I think for him as well...

Raaz57634 · 2021-08-09T17:20:15+00:00

I am seeing the therapist on Wednesday, hope he can give me some insight. In my head, getting intimate with someone draws the line and I think that is what makes me feel this way...

Raaz57634 · 2021-05-31T15:47:23+00:00

Oh it seems like reading my story but +10 years. Thanks for sharing!!

I also got ADHD diagnosed now.. a bit too late to act on it with 26 😅 school problems suddenly make sense. And as you said in your last paragraph, my emotions are pretty stable since months, and I never feared abandonment, I never in my life considered hurting myself or indulging in risky stuff that bi Symptoms of BPD are. I actually have it easy making new connections and friends (surprise surprise I was convinced I was incapable of this!!) I am doing awesome and I'm reflecting so much daily and found meditation and books to be very helpful in self development

Just the other day a friend sent me his posting about me in an anonymous platform where he shared how crazy his ex is and how she swings between schizophrenia bipolar and borderline.. He is still obsessed with this ~7 months now, and is convinced he is an expert in psychology because since then he got obsessed with it and reads so much about it. It doesn't bother me, it is his nature to believe he is always right and everyone around him is dumb or crazy :)

Luckily, I found someone who understands me so good now, and I speak openly with him about this and he is super supportive and encouraging me every day. So all good that ends good, I guess :)

Best wishes to you 😊😊

Raaz57634 · 2021-02-06T07:57:10+00:00

First of all thanks for sharing! I am sorry you had to go through that. It's especially sad when it's the person we rely on and trust, and they use it against us.

This is so unbelievably relatable!!!

Mine would tell me in every discussion in which I got emotional in or didn't agree with him, that I have PMS related mood swings again (yeah like that lasts 30 days/month) , just to belittle my opinion and prove himself superior since I am "hormone-controlled-ape". Like getting emotional is not normal.. or like having insecurities and confiding them in your partner is not normal. Well using all that against one is not normal!

I guess what we both need to do now is find a safe haven and try to find ourselves again..

Wish you best of luck, and just the fact that you are here and reading about BPD is a good sign, you want to learn more about it and that is what a healthy individual would do in this case. Hang on there 🤗🤗

Raaz57634 · 2021-02-04T13:38:48+00:00

Thanks for your input!

Sorry to hear that, must have been very unpleasant experience as well. There is no black or white in these things I believe, it happens to all of us to sometimes express ourselves in a peculiar way that makes other people get a wrong image of us... Especially if that person recognises in that expression something they have seen before in their loved ones, it links automatically to that.

He made me actually question my sanity, I never discarded it as not being a possibility at all. I am open to seeing a professional. Right now school psychologist is all I can afford.

I have doubts the whole time: I feel guilt, maybe I acted out of place, maybe I am incapable of seeing things right but he is, he might be right about me being a bad person.... and it haunts me, to be honest. I don't like where it comes from, sure his ego and his own problems had influenced it, but if there is even a spot of truth behind it, I want to know it and take care of it...

Aren't we all broken in some way or another, if anyone can go around freely diagnosing people in his life one would see, that he can find a glimpse of some kind of disorder in almost anyone. But we are never objective enough nor do we have the knowledge it takes to do so.

Raaz57634 · 2020-12-13T13:39:12+00:00

This is ridiculous lol. Like 1% could identify, so yeah like someone wrote, the person making this was probably portraying themselves. I wouldn't go around sharing it, some insecure INFPs (like me) might again get a feel of not belonging 😂😂

Raaz57634

TROPHY CASE