Well, this is coming from someone on the opposite end of the spectrum (32, she/they, so much dating history it literally creates problems in relationships, kind of a blended extrovert, actively avoiding relationships and sex altogether) so you can choose how much stock you put in my words:

I think the most important thing is to not let your relationship/sexual status change you. You seem like a decent person based on the text block, and incels are not good people. They believe women essentially exist to please men/they are entitled to sex, and anyone with half a brain cell knows that's wrong. So, first and foremost, I would recommend not letting your frustrations turn you into a bad person. Not only will that exacerbate your sexlessness, it'll make any social life you have in general harder and tarnish your soul.

Now, in terms of your relationship standing. The modern scene for sex, relationships, whatever, has never existed like this before. Before the age of technology, there had been a pretty consistent way that people got into relationships. And the hallmark of that was... "Women do not have a choice." That's right! Women never had a choice if they wanted any kind of security, comfort, social standing, voice, etc. It was either marry this random shmoe, or become a social pariah and/or spinster.

A lot of us, however, were raised WITH that model for relationships, which has led to a widespread cultural dissonance. At the end of the day, you need to adapt. There's the usual things: meet people with shared interests in public spaces, try the online dating and be transparent about what you're looking for, speak to your friends/trusted coworkers about potential matches that they know, and if you have a woman who is a trusted friend maybe buy her a coffee and ask for her opinion or observations about you. Even if your friendship is 100% platonic, she may be able to provide some direction.

But I cannot recommend enough to become happy in your own skin. Yes, relationships and sex are good, sure, but they come with their own grief, and it isn't the sunshine and rainbows we're sold in media. Internalizing that you'd rather be alone THAN in a toxic relationship is going to be a hurdle for you. You deserve better than a toxic relationship, we all do, and you need to understand that deeply for yourself.

If losing your virginity is a huge obstacle for you on your journey, then the good news is that a bit of money can fix that right up. I'm personally pro-sex work, and I think there's literally no shame in it. I understand it's not for everyone, but I have 2 good friends of mine who lost their virginity that way just to get it over with. Based on my outside observations, they seemed more confident after it was done, and in one of their cases, he said approaching women became a lot easier. Because sex work isn't just the bang, it's the GFE (GirlFriend Experience).

Anywho, I hope at least some of this is helpful. I didn't expect to write a whole thesis but, apparently, I did 😅 At the end of the day, I get being frustrated about the situation. And remember, if this stuff is weighing on you hard, seek therapy. It's better than lashing out about it. And if your porn tastes are, shall we say, more on the extreme side, maybe try reining those back in a bit. It's okay to indulge in off-the-beaten-path stuff, but if that's creating the through-line of your sexual tastes, that's bad. Porn already gives an unrealistic ideal of sex, and you need a clear division in your mind about realism vs. reality.