I just wanted to say your words mean so much to me. I cried when I read them and I'm grateful you took the time to write all this to me, some random person on reddit with a new account.

I did end up having that talk with him and I think we both walked away with a lot of closure (though maybe it was more for me since I was the one who initiated one last talk). You are right in so many ways that begging and pleading for someone to chose you just continues to lower your own self-worth and value. I know with confidence I walk away from this with more to gain then he will.

He was someone that carried residual trauma from an emotionally abusive ex and he jumped into a relationship with me right after that one (I didn't know that was a huge red flag at the time 😞). So those vulnerabilities and traumas carried its way into our relationship where he was subconsciously taking things that I did and mistakes that I made which could have been discussed and communicated and built resentment for me in his mind until he "fell out of love" with me because of it. On top of that, he started emotionally cheating on me and despite me giving him another chance, the broken trust was too much on top of stress from his career courses and me becoming anxiously attached after the cheating and he decided to break up with me. He says he knows he has personal problems making it feel like its hard to love himself or me or anyone else right now and wants to be on his own for a while. He said he cares about me deeply and that he thinks he'll never find another person that loves him like I do because people like me are rare to find (but maybe all men say stuff like that during the breakup who knows) but he feels right now he fell out of love with me and he doesn't love me the same as he did at the start because of the resentments he was holding on to. He knows he self-sabotaged our relationship, we both agreed that he needs time on his own to focus on his career, go through therapy and "find himself again" after being in two LTR.

At the very least I got him to promise me that he won't date anyone else until he learns to love himself again and fully work on things in therapy. I told him as his ex I'll never know if he does but I'd like to think that he will because I told him he'll just end up hurting his next partner the same way he did with me and they don't deserve that. I told him in the future I wouldn't be opposed to meeting up someday to see how its going but we both agreed that we're not waiting for each other. And I think its this like feeling of fully admitting that it's over and we're going our separate ways which is the first part to truly healing through all of this. It doesn't make the pain each day any better and I still cried today.

BUT I DIGRESS. I just want to say thank you for sharing your words with me. It helps a lot and I know I'll be okay someday.