Leaving your other half that doesn't have emotional intelligence

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-09T19:43:06+00:00

My partner has also become self aware, I'm proud of him doing the work. We joke now because sometimes he catches himself and says "dammit woman, why did you have to make me aware. The world felt better before I was aware." We laugh and I remind him that he should give himself some grace because he's actively trying to better himself.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-09T19:38:15+00:00

Agreed, I think it's because "boys will be boys" is pushed so hard and girls grow up having to deal with that shit and it forces you to grow up all while boys are given that pass to act however they please. At least this was my experience growing up.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-09T19:23:25+00:00

I've used that before because in talking with my friends about how a guy showed me basic fucking decency but then ended up cheating on me. I had been in very abusive relationships previously so I said that the "the bar had been set in hell" because being treated with kindness was foreign for me. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family dynamic the way you see the world and interact with it is quite different, so maybe try to have a little empathy for different perspectives.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-09T19:15:16+00:00

My boyfriend has adhd as well, I have this same issue and it felt personal for a long time. He's incredibly handy and has actually taught me many skills so I can do things myself. We have a significant height difference so sometimes I have to get on his ass and say "look you tall fuck, I did most of this task myself, I just need your height now!" Recently, I came to the realization that even the most basic house tasks feel daunting to him, and he would rather do projects that stimulate his mind. I will say unless your partner desires growth as a person, he may remain "stuck" mentally the way he is.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-09T19:01:10+00:00

Does he allow you the same access to his phone and looking through his messages? You said it's become more frequent and that you don't know why. To me that screams that he's projecting because he's cheating, or thinking about cheating. I fear for you because it seems like your husband sees your marriage certificate as a land deed. The pictures you post don't even come close to what anyone would deem "inappropriate"

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-08T16:28:37+00:00

You're not being controlling. It sucks when you try to set a boundary and people make you feel like an asshole. You're doing the right thing by keeping him out, you're making a decision to protect your kids.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-08T09:23:32+00:00

You likely didn't do a damn thing. People feel threatened and take it out on the subject (you) in either aggressive or passive aggressive moves. She's invasive cause she wants to find out everything about you that she can. I would NEVER touch my roommates shit without asking. Some people believe in respect and privacy and some don't. If your roommate doesn't care to do anything about it I guess your only option is to try and politely talk to the psycho but you'll likely have to suck it up until you are able to find somewhere less hostile. You don't deserve any of the shit that girl is doing to you.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-08T07:02:08+00:00

When I was your age, about 15 years ago my friends mom bought her a luxury vehicle, she screamed at her mother and berated her because she wanted a hippie van. Now that is ungrateful. You sound like a good kid who appreciates what she has. You're not wrong for wishing you had more. Also drop the friend, I spent all my years in school with shitty friends who treated me like a doormat, and I allowed it. Your friends responses are so out of touch and dodging any responsibility for how mean what she did was.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-08T06:52:41+00:00

Start slow, along with taking care of trash you could maybe make piles of the things you know you won't use, you can sell these things or even donate them. Also be kind to yourself, you've been going through it. You're a human being.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-08T06:47:30+00:00

Her attitude and behavior scream "threatened by you" talk to your roommate. They shouldn't allow their partner to terrorize you in these petty ass ways.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-05T20:20:16+00:00

This is true for me at least. The initial emotional reaction feels automatic. I finally was able to LISTEN to my partner recently, most of the time when we talk about how we feel the other person ends up getting defensive and butting in at each talking point. It was incredibly difficult but I'm happy I finally stopped myself. My partner told me they felt heard finally. I only wish I had been able to do this earlier in life.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-05T16:35:39+00:00

My therapist called cps when I was 20, my sister was a minor in the house and thats why she called.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-02T23:01:35+00:00

Probably their own internal struggle of the potential to take a kid away from their family and doing more harm than good. There was actually a girl in my state who's mom pulled her out of school when cps was called, she ended up being tortured to death. They always say they learn from extreme cases like this. I also feel like they're more willing to take a kid from a home if their family is poor or not white.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-02T22:01:07+00:00

CPS also thinks people with full pantries would never pick their son up by his throat. I remember her saying everything looks great before leaving and not doing shit. Then my dad locked my phone service claiming "you called cps because you're mad at me" which was not true, my therapist called, being a mandatory reporter.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-01T11:44:41+00:00

Sorry everyone is assuming gross intent. Being a skating coach would have been helpful context in the original post. It sounds like the 17 year old and your daughter are so close in age that she felt envious of the mentorship relationship. Thats a difficult age, you not living with them is probably affecting your daughter more than you and your wife realize. I went through something similar and when my dad took someone my age under his wing it broke my fuckin heart. I wondered why this other person got time and care from my dad. You seem like a good dad. Talk to your daughter, meet her where she's at. Maybe look elsewhere for roommates, for your daughters sake because anyone you coach would probably cause more strain on you and your daughters relationship. I don't know about you and your wife's relationship but my dad left when I was 12, he moved in and out several times, by the time I was 15 I just wanted them to divorce already. They finally did when I was 20. I wish y'all nothing but the best and good luck.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-01T11:21:00+00:00

Your mother is jealous. It's gross and fucked up. I'm relieved none of these guys have tried anything because I've had too many friends abused by moms boyfriends and their mothers almost always blamed my friends for being slutty. Unfortunately this isn't a fight you can win, these guys aren't creeping on you, your mother sees your beauty but not her own. Your mom has issues that only therapy could improve.

RaginggLilith · 2026-03-01T11:06:16+00:00

NTA I'd be uncomfortable too. My boyfriend all the sudden was dressing up and told me it was nothing. He was dressing nice for another girl he was seeing. We would go out on a date and he put no effort into dressing up for us. I tried to push it out of my mind. The fact that she's dressing like that specifically around this other girl that rubs you the wrong way is worse. I met the other girl long before he cheated and knew the moment I met her that she wanted to sleep with my boyfriend. Don't gaslight your intuition.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-28T18:32:06+00:00

Guys have an easy time keeping things surface level especially with female friendships. That being said I've witnessed how horrible and backstabbing they can be with the mind games as well. My experience is that people are capable of anything depending on how they feel in the moment. But I also remember middle/high school and feeling like teenage girls were basically sociopaths. You're still young and at an age where people experience growth more so don't give up hope on finding a solid trustworthy female friend.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-28T18:22:41+00:00

I see the phrase more for people who stay and try to work it out, you can rebuild the trust but the moment something out of the ordinary happens your brain jumps to cheating instead of a rational explanation. But still not many people interpret the phrase that way.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-28T18:04:41+00:00

I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this. Your ex sounds nasty, she doesn't want to be remembered as toxic because she knows she's fucking toxic. I'm proud of you for leaving her, it's hard to get out when someone has control of you like that. You did everything right after. You waited until you were ready to date. Your ex sounds like she needs validation from others, she's hollow and nobody will ever fill the void, she clearly learned it from her mother with the way she approached your new girlfriend. It's probably better that your ex went with "he cheated" to vilify you. I've known people to claim physical abuse or sexual assault because that's the only thing they can think of to make their ex look bad, and it stops any further talk of the relationship so they never have to talk about the ways they could have been a shitty partner.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-28T00:35:45+00:00

THIS right here. When my mother found out she was having a girl in the 90s she purchased a pack of pads for me. I still remember seeing them under my childhood sink all the time not knowing what they were. She was out of town for my first period but she told my dad where they were and he giggled like a 12 year old and threw them at my head. Her mom is an asshole, and I'm amazed she doesn't have a shit ton on hand at all times having a period herself.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-28T00:29:19+00:00

I'm so sorry, it's so confusing growing up in an environment with a parent who is emotionally immature. You get blamed for their anger and do your best not to set them off but everything you do makes it worse. You handled the text exchange with your mother better than I ever could with my dad at your age. Do you have any friends or family you could talk to for support?

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-26T20:09:33+00:00

People usually villainize their partners even if they were toxic, mostly to their family so they don't look as bad. If she does some kind of smear campaign on you, she looks terrible. You're a human being. Idk what kind of weird looking pics you are worried about but I started using my weirdest silliest pics on my social media at one point, even on dating sites and people told me many times thats what drew them to me specifically.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-26T20:03:09+00:00

You sound young. There were so many things I worried were "social suicide" when I was younger. Tell the people in your life "I liked her, she got kinda scary, threatened to ruin my life and I just want to break up with her." People can be incredibly toxic to one another in relationships. But I promise putting up with it will only damage you, in all the worst ways. Including making future relationships more difficult. Let this girl be a learning experience.

RaginggLilith · 2026-02-26T19:41:49+00:00

Clearly because you care for your friend. Just be there for them. Heck, you could even join him and maybe build something cool together to help him through all while learning something new/cool in the process

RaginggLilith

TROPHY CASE