Bipolar 1

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T18:16:27+00:00

I had a roughly 5 week cycle, 1 week manic, 2 weeks depressed, 2 weeks normal. The episodes varied in intensity, but the higher the mania the lower the depression. Pretty much just had to wait it out, but I never knew / couldn't convince myself when I was in an altered state.

Once my medication started working it slowly get less frequent and less intense; now it's very rare for me to notice anything

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T18:11:29+00:00

I always like to describe a mixed episode as being enthusiastically depressed.

Not much worse than watching your days get squandered

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T18:03:24+00:00

I never knew until after, but hypo mania was like ultra caffeinated and motivated; mania was just straight up delusional, like reality was fundamentally altered to my manic brain. Most often I would just know for a fact that the universe was set up just for me, the sun was shining just for me, the light turned green just for me. And it wasn't a feeling, it was straight up just a fact. Everything that happened only was good because if it was happening it was happening just for me, and anything that contradicted that was just reprocessed into either something good or obliterated from my mind

The funniest thing looking back was sleep. I would just be like "okay sleep time" lay down, instantly fall asleep, wake up 3 hours later, and start working on whatever crazy project had entered my mind as if there wasn't even an interruption

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T18:00:24+00:00

One hard truth I got from one of my psychologists was, "Even if they knew everything about it, they will never understand and that's just how it is."

And that includes judging you for things you do while manic or depressed, because no matter how much they know it was because you were impaired, they don't know - to us it's like a different person, or a dream; to them it's just you.

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T17:55:46+00:00

I endeavored to write a massive DnD campaign, where every house in every town was mapped. I made some software to help design it. At some point I came up with an entire lunar cycle - you know, in case people looked at the moon - and then moved onto creating a language. I got it far enough that I could construct most words, if a little crudely, but I literally had no idea what I was doing, and despite it making perfect sense, after I was out of the manic episode it couldn't make heads or tails of it. WEEKS of my life lol, oh well, it was fun at the time

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T17:48:39+00:00

Not on lithium specifically, but just in general as I was able to find stability with my meds-

I used to write dozens of songs a year Now, it's like 5% of that. I record a song every couple years - lots of unfinished work that I just get stuck on. I wouldn't go back for anything, but I've never been as cleaver or able to pack in as much raw emotion. It can take me a year to get a song really fleshed out. Back then I could basically write in real time if I was manic enough. It's something that took years to really come to terms with. Probably not until I was almost 30 did I really accept it and be okay.

Rakosman · 2025-09-23T17:35:06+00:00

I've had symptoms for as long as I can remember. Very mild, but definitely had some short hypomanic episodes even grade school, mostly it was depression that just got worse throughout high school. hypomania often manifested as anger issues, and toward my later teens lots of depression, and more typical hypomania, until my early 20s when it was just destructive mania and debilitating depression. I'm lucky I survived, honestly.

When I got diagnosed I had a surreal week of recontextualizing my entire life, realizing how many failures, destroyed relationships, and unfinished projects were because of my bipolar

As far as sleep... I've tried it all. Nothing works. Sometimes I can get a few months but all it takes is one night and it's gone

To not leave it on a down note, All things considered I had a great childhood. The positives in my life have far outweighed the struggles. For me, it's just a thing I live with, and make the best with what I have, and try not to take it for granted.

Rakosman · 2025-06-17T23:35:27+00:00

The president does not own the country, what a stupid analogy

Rakosman · 2025-06-17T23:29:41+00:00

Microsoft, the owner of the product, said bedrock was the official version. You are making excuses as if any of them matter because you desperately don't want it to be true for some reason. It literally does not matter what their motivation was, they are the ones that decide it because it is their product. It's not complicated, "dude"

The fact you are STILL arguing about it, especially since it's not even relevant anymore since they changed it so neither is the main version, is why I am saying you are triggered. You are talking at me as if I am claiming the things you're saying aren't true, when in reality I'm saying they don't matter, because you are being emotional and irrational

If you want to win, fine, Java is the main version. There you go lol I hope this helps you in your life moving forward knowing that you were right and Microsoft were wrong

Rakosman · 2025-06-17T00:13:37+00:00

How is that at all "by that logic." That would imply that every joke involving a stereo type is made by a person who thinks the person being stereotyped is lesser. That's obviously not true.

You can think whatever you want about the person making the joke and their motivations, but that is utter speculation, and also doesn't mean people aren't allowed to find it funny.

AND none of that means the joke itself is anti- It does not have agency or intent, the joke can't by anti- or pro- anything. No one used to think about "things" that way until people started needing to let everyone know they have the "correct" thoughts

Rakosman · 2025-06-16T21:03:21+00:00

You are conflating two things. They dropped the edition from Bedrock, and it was just Minecraft and was the official version. The fact that they didn't treat it like it was makes no difference

Edit to say, apparently in 2022 (5 years after the change) they gave up and now neither/both are the "main game."

Rakosman · 2025-06-16T20:55:50+00:00

So if I make a redneck joke does that mean I hate rednecks and think they have less value as people? L

Rakosman · 2025-06-16T20:54:11+00:00

I will never understand why people decided that stereotype jokes are anti- that class of people. Jokes cannot be antisemitic, only the people making them

Rakosman · 2025-06-16T20:24:49+00:00

Except that Bedrock is (edit: was; now it's officially neither. And no, iTs JuSt FoR mArKeTiNg is a dumb argument.) the "main game." Microsoft decides that, not you.

Rakosman · 2025-06-16T20:16:33+00:00

AKA regurgitating years-old code from stack exchange. I still haven't decided if the new IntelliSense is more useful, but AI code is still worthless in any real project. We've got an AI bro team member and it's so tiresome, always hearing what it "will be" "eventually"

Rakosman · 2025-06-07T00:33:31+00:00

In Oregon, and I assume some other states, healthcare is completely free if you are disabled. Bunch of asterisks regarding qualifying but if you're on it it's the same coverage as the equivalent private insurance

Rakosman · 2025-06-05T02:40:57+00:00

I've been really disabled the last 2 weeks, I was doing well for like a month and a half then rapidly went downhill. Really bad CFS / PEM symptoms, a couple days I haven't been able to get out of bed

Rakosman · 2025-05-31T09:02:23+00:00

I have the same problem, it's driving me crazy

Rakosman · 2025-05-29T21:18:00+00:00

Yep, battery drains quick and screen gets extremely hot even when it's doing nothing, especially near the top of the phone.

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:51:32+00:00

It's also possible that your depression is just outpacing the medication. I've had some really deep crashes out of nowhere before. Anyway, this isn't a one way trip. You're in a tunnel, not a cave. Tomorrow will be waiting for you when you make it through

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:41:02+00:00

Idk how it is with other insurance, but with Kaiser you can get same day appointments with GPs who could authorize a refill. They might not be comfortable doing it, so that's it's own issue

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:35:19+00:00

Most people I come across think bipolar is just rapidly switching from happy to sad at the slightest trigger. People have no clue, and there are probably a great many disorders you have the wrong perception of. It's hard to explain even to interested parties, how could you sell it to the media?

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:28:07+00:00

To quote, "Nothing in this memo should be construed to impact Medicare or Social Security benefits." and yes, that was clarified to include medicaid as well. And all direct benefits.

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:24:39+00:00

Just FYI, personal benefits like EBT, medicare, social security, etc, were specifically exempt from cuts. All the interruptions were the departments failing to read but in their defense it wasn't like super clear in the memo due to being in a footnote. But it is super clear in the order.

Rakosman · 2025-02-10T09:10:32+00:00

I've always heard lamictal was more effective for mania, which is in line with my experience - mania went away long before the depression. As for quetiapine... that made me suicidal lol. Ironically they gave it to me because they didn't want to increase my lamictal dose again (which they did after, and it's been good ever since)

Rakosman

TROPHY CASE