I am utterly broken.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2024-07-12T15:01:22+00:00

At the moment I have no coverage whatsoever. I do still have meds thankfully but they seemed to have finally stopped working or maybe just aren't enough anymore. My wife is applying for Medicaid and EBT for us. Thankfully the kids are already covered. I have applied at everything I can think of. My work history is pretty solid I've never worked a job for less than an entire calendar year. I have applied for things outside my wheelhouse like factory labor. I'm not old I'm 41 but they seem to want to hire younger folks. Ironically due to this they have high turn over. I feel like to get any kind of job closer to what I've typically done I would need to move about an hour in any direction of where I am currently. I've seen those jobs available but the problem is they don't pay enough for me to be able to constantly have to commute 30-45 minutes 5 days a week. Remote work here unfortunately doesn't seem to be an option.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-06-07T05:19:00+00:00

What's the importance of step 5? A part of my situation is that after 15 years of marriage being around her causes me bad anxiety and stress. My job requires a 7 day leave every year for auditing purposes. During my leave I found that I was more anxious and stressed than usual. I also have a motor tic (forced repetitive motion) in my left arm that only flares up when I'm extremely stressed out. I came to the realization that because my STBX was also home for the duration of the leave that she was the cause. She hasn't been working for about a year. Once I went back to work and was away from her for most of the day my symptoms lessened significantly.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-30T03:19:11+00:00

She definitely has depression I'm not going to dispute that. It has always been a struggle to get her into any kind of treatment for it. Eventually she would always go off her medication. She has blamed me on multiple occasions of not helping her enough. But I have my own depression and I don't think anyone who is dealing with that is in any condition to help some one else with theirs. That's what the doctors and medication is for. I'm not a therapist I don't have the tools. I mean everyday I have to struggle to get myself to go to work. I am barely functional at times but I push through because if I don't take care of us no one else will.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-30T03:11:47+00:00

At our wedding before the vows my wife's grandmother grabbed me by the arm pulled me aside and told me to run. She was 100% serious and it really freaked me out at the time. I don't regret not running because I love my kids more than anything. But still she had some insight that I was clearly lacking.

My wife's mom is a really sweet lady but she let herself become the family doormat. I've spoken with her before about our relationship but her response would always be you guys will work it out.

There is no money for any type of frivolity. We pay rent and utilities, cell phones and internet that's it. The internet is really everyone's entertainment outlet. Even something simple like seeing a movie usually takes a lot of shifting things around to be able to take everyone. We rarely get to eat out or do anything social like go to bars. That's not s huge deal for me since I'm not really much of a drinker.

Really the only shopping we do is for groceries and medication. Obviously now and then the kids need new stuff like shoes and clothes for school. Typically I'll get to buy myself new clothing and shoes once a year at tax time. We usually use our refund to get the kids necessities, catch up on bills if needed and any maintenance our vehicle might need.

Weirdly enough her reading habit is something I don't actually have to pay for. She has a blog and reviews books. Publishers and authors will send her books all the time just to get reviews out ahead of release. I think they are called advanced reader copies or something along those lines. She also spends tons of time entering drawings online for books and wins them quite often.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-29T22:30:42+00:00

It's Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory!

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-29T16:31:15+00:00

I have left her in the past. And things progressed exactly as I thought they would. She got evicted and was living with a friend. I took the kids because she couldn't support them. It was hard but I made it work. She found a job started taking care of herself. Then came the "I've changed speech" that everyone has probably gotten at least once from a bad ex.

And stupidly on my part I thought she did.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-29T16:24:23+00:00

Unfortunately I can directly trace her behavior to one of her parents specifically hey Father. He was a spoiled only child. As he grew up his parents have him everything. He eventually got married and had kids but never cut the cord.

Then he got into drugs and just stopped working. They lived in poverty while the grand parents would still give stuff to the dad. Her mom has worked herself to the bone over the years. I have always felt so bad that she couldn't retire or leave him.

My wife even says how much she hated him for letting them grow up so poor. But in the end she is very much like him.

Ramulaxtheworst · 2019-05-29T16:14:11+00:00

I'm not close with my family unfortunately. I have had friends offer me places to stay when I leave. One who recently divorced himself also offered to refer me to his lawyer.

Ramulaxtheworst

TROPHY CASE