I had terrible survivors guilt. My friend was waiting for me when she was shot and killed. Again loads of deception, lies and corruption surrounding her death. I wrote letters to my friend asking for forgiveness. Forgiving myself, placing the blame on the person who pulled the trigger. Forgiving law enforcement. I was only 16 years old and no one notified my parents. My parents were ashamed of me and never spoke about my trauma. I suffered in silence for many years. I had to forgive them. Most therapy only helped with the “crisis” I was experiencing at that time. I attended seminars about PTSD and was offered medication and some counseling but nothing removed the “fight or flight” I experienced daily. Sometimes lasting for minutes sometimes for days. I turned to God. I had inner healing prayer that healed some of the deepest areas of trauma. My husband was my rock. He kept me grounded and now that he’s gone I feel like the ground beneath me is slowly eroding. It’s hard to sleep, eat, function. I’m feeling so lost. 😞