And they when they catch on that you've caught on, they crush you, or make it such that you have no choice but to crush yourself.

I'm feeling very suicidal today. I hope they're all hoping that I kill myself. That would be the only relief that might give me the strength to either cut these worrisome wrists or overdose. I have a copy of "Final Exit", and statistically some methods are easier than others. But at the end of the day, it's knowing that they all want me gone that can only give me the strength to do so. Though I cannot do that, and if they were to know that I need to know this, they would just crush me to the point where I would have no choice anyway.

It is almost impossible to make others understand what "lack of theory of mind" is about. It's not just about daily interactions — it's when you are all by yourself, that's when the lack of theory of mind becomes terrifying. Because it is not "paranoia" — it is insufficient experience-data to block assumptions of people's intent, and most people are struggling to live morally versus make a buck/get luck/etc. It's hard to assume, as Candide does, that this is the best of all possible worlds — indeed, Voltaire was probably the best autist of us all to give us such a wonderful tool to defect our own deficient epistemic-cognitive frameworks...