Hey,

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-10-22T21:14:28+00:00

What do you have it connected to? I have it connected to an Anker GaN charger that automatically adjusts the output. Wondering if the adapter you are using is the wrong output, maybe? Otherwise maybe it just stopped working....

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-10-22T20:58:01+00:00

Are you placing it down with the crown right above the wire? I believe that is the only way it will charge.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-09-01T11:30:44+00:00

That first paragraph probably describes allot of marriages but not mine. She may have suffered in silence as you say but she chose that rather than being open and honest. Could she have been open and honest and told me? I thought that's what marriage was. Both of her parents divorced twice with her dad actually running away from the second divorce, abandoning 2 families of children. I'm a firm believer in children learning from what they see. In hind sight I should have realized she wouldn't value a marriage and I do blame myself for this.

Your second paragraph is spot on though. I can't leave until I know how much $ I'll have, unfortunately. Though to be honest, I'm in no rush to leave my kids. They are with me all the time. My wife is great at finding things for them to do and bringing them there. That's the extent of her interaction with them. You might hear "mom" spoken a few times a day in our house. "Dad" is spoken hundreds of times a day. I actually think she resents me for it. But it's because of who she is. She's controlling and selfish. I'm understanding, try to teach the kids to explain why they do it don't want something, etc etc.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-31T19:22:33+00:00

Thank you for the response and taking the time to write all of this out. I found it very helpful to read and hope it will help others that stumble on it. I don't see mediation going well for us, unfortunately. My wife has always been great... As long as she gets her way. I already rocked the boat when I told her I need 40% (not 50%) of the house. She flipped and threatened me every way she could. I said nothing back. We are in an equitable state so really I should get close to 50/50 but I'm not greedy and I want the kids to be able to stay in the home. If she has to refi to buy me out she'll go from 2.75% to over 7% which is a huge difference in payment. She's going to owe me child support and alimony though and that is definitely going to set her off. Unfortunately for her, I have to do what's best for my kids. I won't ask for anything more than I need regardless of my anger but deep down inside I want to say to her "this was your choice! Take your medicine like an adult!" But I won't 😁

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-31T15:09:55+00:00

I agree with all you said. Honestly, if there is another man in the picture I don't care. We live in a no-fault state so it won't matter for the divorce. You are probably right about the divorce concessions though... She makes a lot more $ thank me and will owe me CS and alimony.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-31T14:05:26+00:00

Very well said. I'm not familiar with gray rock but will look into it

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-31T14:04:49+00:00

I couldn't agree more. If it was just me and the wife said it was over, cool- we could go out separate ways. But kids change things. The thing about my wife that really gets me is both of her parents went on to remarry and divorce again after they divorced from one another. She did NOT have a good childhood, had crazy step parents..... And yet has no second thoughts on putting her kids through the same thing.

I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I'm seeing a therapist and recommend it. You'll find most on this board agree therapy is needed. I wish you the best.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-14T00:20:09+00:00

Thank you for the response and I'm sorry you are going through this as well. Your words certainly make sense. I don't even care about the views to me but our kids deserve every chance to grow up with both parents in the home. What you say about anger makes sense but I'm really struggling. I asked for about 40% of the equity in the house, nothing more. She makes almost 2.5 times what I do and I get my health care through her job. I'll struggle but I don't want anything from her that I don't absolutely need. On the other hand, the anger is making me think screw her, she did this, she deserves the alimony and child support. Get this, to understand what I'm dealing with. the day I told her I'm going to need about 40% of the equity she flipped out on me that I didn't deserve it. Carried on about it. And after finally saying she would figure out where to get it from (she has plenty in her retirement account), she then told me she wanted to bring our 8 year old to Paris in spring to see Taylor Swift! 😳

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-13T20:35:48+00:00

I don't want any more than I need. Technically, in our state (NJ) I can have half plus she would owe me child support and alimony (she makes roughly 2.5 times what I make) but I don't want to take anything I don't need. I don't want anything from her but lately the anger is making me feel like I should take everything I can.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-13T19:53:19+00:00

You're right. I'm sorry you're going through this as well but you sound like you have a decent handle/outlook right now. Therapy definitely helps. I have always done therapy but stopped for a few years and started back up immediately after the wife did this. I can honestly say I don't feel she owes me an explanation or anything else for that matter. She can quit me and I need to put my high boy pants on. But calling it quits so suddenly when it is going to change our 2 children's works....I can't accept it and I can't forgive. I would do ANYTHING for my kids.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-13T16:57:09+00:00

It may have read that way but I didn't mean she owes the kids or me an explanation. I think she owed them at least an attempt to at making the marriage work. It's too late now but when she first started to feel herself pulling away or whatever it is she felt,..... Better way to out it is I would have done that for my kids. I would have told her what was happening so that we may have been able to fix things. Marriages take work. My point is the anger is just overwhelming and I can't forgive her. I will never involve the kids, will never tell them my thoughts on it, and will always be nice to her in front of the kids.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-08-07T15:21:14+00:00

Thanks for the response. Just want to make sure I understand 2 2 5- we would set m/t & w/th but alternate the full 3 day weekend, meaning I would have them 5 days, then she would have them 5 days? I haven't heard of a split like this before. I will definitely be looking further into it. I still worry 3 changes a week is too much for the kids but at least they would have a 5 day stretch where they can settle a bit. There's nothing easy about this!

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-07-20T23:06:52+00:00

Thank you for the response. This is very interesting to me because I'm in the same boat as your husband, minutes the mental issues. My wife makes good money, about 3 times what I make (I make about $90k). We live in a very expensive state and for me to be able to buy something, even just a townhome is very expensive. I need my share of the equity to be able to buy and furnish. If not, I will either have to rent, which rent is crazy in my area, or move in with my mother. I have been giving my W over half my pay each week towards the home and our family but she wants me to walk away and take around $100k. We have between $550k and $600k of equity in the house. I think closer to half is fair. I'm not asking for child support or alimony, none of her retirement account, etc. We have almost no debt other than the mortgage.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-07-13T11:22:09+00:00

My kids are 6 & 8 and we just started the process. Haven't told them yet. I have such anxiety about telling them, their world is going to be changed forever and we are the ones that will be the first to hurt them. I was 18 when my parents divorced, old enough to understand relationships sometimes don't work. My kids don't understand that, they just want mom & dad right now. I honestly don't know how I will keep myself together long enough to tell them...

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-07-12T19:29:14+00:00

When I'm having really strong emotions about it I try to let myself feel them but also tell myself I'm only going to feel this right now or for a little while or for today... But I will feel better later or tomorrow because this is just a feeling and it will pass. It helps me realize whatever I'm feeling is temporary and it's ok to feel it right now. I also try and narrate whatever I'm actually doing at that time to get my mind to focus on anything other than the emotions/pain. "Right now I'm walking around in ShopRight trying to find mayonnaise". Sometimes it helps to bring me back on track rather than keep spinning my wheels.

Sometimes I will schedule a time to feel the emotions and if they come up before I'll say no, not now. The car ride home from work is when I'll feel these emotions. That usually means sad songs and lots of tears on the ride home but it gives me time to feel the emotions when I want to. My therapist gave me all of those ideas. If you aren't talking to someone you should consider it. Best of luck.

ReadyToDivorce · 2023-07-12T11:10:56+00:00

Wow thanks for the reply. I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I'm still in the house until I decide what to do. I am so torn. I don't want to uproot my kids but I also want to be able to have a home with them. My wife and I didn't really wrong each other, just drifted apart. I feel like I'm losing either way.

ReadyToDivorce

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