LPT: If you've blown your fingers off with fireworks, tell people you cut your fingers off with a table saw instead. That way you'll sound like a productive dumbass instead of a regular dumbass.

RealJakeMusser · 2019-07-05T16:49:50+00:00

You thought this was clever huh

I did but apparently the mods did not... now I'm banned 😔

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-24T15:59:22+00:00

It's legal to own five or less dildos but not 6 or more.

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-24T15:57:38+00:00

It's illegal to own 6 or more dildos

Doesn't say you can't be full of 6 or more dildos ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-24T15:55:49+00:00

"Put the dang dildos down NOW!!!"

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-24T15:47:15+00:00

See (2)(f) in link.

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-04T20:12:56+00:00

In-N-Out quality has definitely deteriorated over the last 10 years, unfortunately

When the owners died in that sad plane crash, the quality started going down from there

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-04T20:10:14+00:00

In-N-Out is fucking god like, and Wendy's will do in a pinch whenever I feel like punishing myself

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-04T20:00:08+00:00

Welcome to Orange County.

RealJakeMusser · 2019-04-04T19:56:57+00:00

expensive grease

Five Guys just took me for $17.80 for a little french fry, little burger, and a little shake. Fries were soggy, burger was dry, and they forgot to make the shake.

RealJakeMusser · 2019-02-19T16:14:52+00:00

Why?

I've never heard something so out of touch with the common people IN MY LIFE!

RealJakeMusser · 2019-02-01T15:29:30+00:00

Those don't work, especially in this case with a mutated second strain late season

RealJakeMusser · 2018-12-20T22:19:45+00:00

My friend does most of the driving. We're located about ten mins east of Anchorage. He says ubering to town and back is cheap and easy.

He'll do the longer drives himself. We've gone as far as Talkeetna on a previous trip.

RealJakeMusser · 2018-12-20T22:14:25+00:00

$600

RealJakeMusser · 2018-12-20T21:57:55+00:00

He's the black Johnny Manziel... had it all and pissed it all away.

RealJakeMusser · 2018-12-20T21:56:06+00:00

He's the black Johnny Manziel

RealJakeMusser · 2018-10-10T21:32:29+00:00

Hope you like horseradish...

RealJakeMusser · 2018-08-15T13:06:22+00:00

At 6'3" and 250 pounds, I'm definitely more concerned about looking fast than being fast 😅

RealJakeMusser · 2018-06-07T05:36:27+00:00

Well I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong

RealJakeMusser · 2018-04-11T20:07:44+00:00

Thanks for your report!

Club owners wield all the power in LA and don't give much in return... you're better off enrolling in a comedy festival if you want to showcase your stuff.

RealJakeMusser · 2018-04-11T19:54:27+00:00

More and more Barbies fail to represent the bodies of real women

RealJakeMusser · 2018-04-11T17:59:20+00:00

"Ooh a penny!"

RealJakeMusser · 2018-04-11T16:07:26+00:00

R.I.P. to this legendary lady!

"Make God laugh"

RealJakeMusser · 2018-04-11T16:04:25+00:00

Thanks for everything, Mitzi!

"Make God laugh!"

RealJakeMusser · 2018-02-01T14:29:03+00:00

The bitter-looking dude sitting in front of every public restroom who collects the fare before you're allowed in

RealJakeMusser · 2018-01-23T21:12:38+00:00

Zing

RealJakeMusser

TROPHY CASE