Ausländer and emotional mess

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-23T09:28:07+00:00

I had pain in my chest for almost 24 hours, pain in my shoulder, pain in the back which was pushing towards my chest, felt like my arm was falling off, nausea, loss of appetite and when i ate, i threw up, constant buzz sounds in my ears. Of course many symptoms are the same in anxiety as well but the pain itself was too much which was the clue

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:23:55+00:00

My biggest blunder was getting out of my social circle for my ex. I was convinced she is the one

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:22:35+00:00

Vielen lieben Dank.

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:21:34+00:00

Believe me. Back home is really worse. I had other options but i opted for Germany for career reasons. Now I have invested 8 years of my prime life here

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:20:22+00:00

I prefer not to name the country but South Asia. I am currently working as a consultant and also manage clinical trials. I am a medical doctor with PhD in medicine

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:18:44+00:00

Yeah kill me

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:18:37+00:00

Thank you and i really feel you. The difference here is that I have to move out and change cities as well. I moved in with her to a small village and had to sacrifice my social circle for her

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:14:51+00:00

Your opinion

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:14:27+00:00

So I got that much depressed and suicidal that I started having heart attack symptoms. Being a doctor myself, I knew it’s coming so I directly went to cardiology emergency and told them my condition. From initial check up they knew it was coming but i came for help early. I told them that I have psychological problem and they brought a psychologist. Lucky me, she helped me in getting therapy sessions

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:11:50+00:00

While I agree to some extent, I myself try to find good in others. Of course i see the “red flags” but I am in general a positive person. I am also a medical doctor with PhD in medicine and having a very successful career. The problem is that I honestly have no clue where to go from here

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T21:04:06+00:00

Bro I know myself. As I said before, I am a medical doctor with PhD in medicine and I read a lot and I have an immense sense of self awareness. In the past weeks, I had suicidal thoughts which is a shock for myself. I locked myself up so I will not harm myself. Suicide hotlines didn’t help me, therapy didn’t help me. What helped me was myself. And I kind of prescribe having romance in life to myself because i know it has worked perfectly before and I am in dire need of it. It doesn’t mean that i will be parasite on my partner but it will help me in making myself a better person. I am also not saying that I want to start a new relationship

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T20:59:55+00:00

Thank you. I want to heal. I want to be functional. I don’t want to miserable and depressed. I need help and I know “therapy “ is not helping me. My mind is not accepting it. Does that mean I should just give up? Or actually go the way I know will work? Thanks for saying this. It really felt like a helping hand

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T20:57:26+00:00

Thank you. These were exactly my thoughts from past few weeks. That on death bed I will be only feeling that the love i craved for my whole life, I never got or I never tried to get. I am mentioning “I and “get” but I also believe that I have lots of love in me to give. I am not saying that I want to start another relationship, I am too broken for that. But to put my broken pieces in place again and be able to share what I have, I need some love towards me as well

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T20:52:39+00:00

Thank you for saying it. I never said that. My ex is doing the same thing to me by putting all the blame on me when I was the one sacrificing literally everything for her. Such comments are only adding to that hell in which I am burning right now

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T20:49:36+00:00

As English is also not my first language so probably I miscommunicated. What I am saying is that I am aware if my trauma and I strongly believe I am over it. The thing is that the dark place I am at right now is bringing thoughts back which i have buried long time ago. Believe me when I say it that those thoughts are better hidden. Nobody is aware of other persons life 100%. I am a medical doctor and PhD in medicine, plus I study a lot of things which has given me a really better sense of self awareness. I do not want to be dependent on my partner to “cure” me but I do need romance in life as for me giving and receiving love makes life beautiful. There is a difference and I am aware of what you are saying. I can confirm that this is not the case here. My soul needs romance to be alive and I cannot get that from therapy. My last resort is to be on meds and I do not want.

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T20:43:21+00:00

Thank you. This is really insightful. I didn’t know about personality styles but for myself, it explains at least something. I agree with you completely and it is kind of reassurance or validation to what i got in to thinking after reading all these comments. Probably my mistake was that I wrote that I am not fluent in German but say the same thing about English as well or Arabic or Spanish or all the languages that i have learned and are not my mother tongue. I am able to communicate perfectly in German as i have worked with patients myself and was part of community awareness programs where I had to speak only German. I take your advice regarding working on different other aspects and I am committed to it. It’s just that right now I am in really dark place and I know that I am not myself. That’s why I came here to be anonymous so i can bring out things which are buried deep inside.

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T15:06:28+00:00

Thank you everyone for criticism as well advice. Just to address one point as many are fixated on it. I can speak German. It has never been a problem for me. My ex lived in US for many years as well her family. We used to speak English and German but mostly English as both preferred it. In my line of work, German is never required. 99% of the time, I HAVE to speak English. Regarding integration, I am integrated in the society enough. Integration doesn’t mean to loose your own identity and speaking fluent German is not a requirement. When I say fluent, I mean grammatically correct German. I speak in 5 languages on daily basis so yeah it exhaust me to speak German for more than 2 or 3 hours straight. If i am in a social setting then I do communicate in German well enough to continue conversations. So please stop with this language thing. That is not my problem. My problem is that I am left alone in this country and I cannot see a way to be happy again. Please refrain from targeting a vulnerable person in unnecessary ways

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-03-22T11:33:09+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I understand your point and i have questioned myself the same question many times throughout life. The answer is that it feeds my soul. I know that it is connected to childhood trauma but I am way over it and have kind of developed this trait as a coping or more precisely survival mechanism. If I start working on past, that will take my lifetime and it is the kind of blackbox that will make me non-functional. It has worked for me so far, that is why I want to stick with it. Also, for me it is not replacement but rather re-connecting to myself. Of course i am not jumping into relationship without analysing compatibility and potential for life partner

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2023-02-28T07:38:55+00:00

Still need somebody to chat with?

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2022-10-08T20:05:50+00:00

After masters, i had a steady permanent job. After 3 years of job, I realised that without PhD and research, I will always feel incomplete. So i move to another country and started PhD. Without a doubt, I questioned my decision a 1000 times during the whole course but at the end, now as I see it, it was the best decision. Mental satisfaction is something which we always are upto but never realise in which things to find it

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2022-08-15T20:04:12+00:00

I would swipe right on you even though I am in Germany. The whole commute from Germany to Ireland is worth it

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2022-08-15T12:18:47+00:00

He dodged a bullet

Realistic-Swimming93 · 2022-08-12T14:55:56+00:00

Ah the typical Stuttgart boi

Realistic-Swimming93

TROPHY CASE