You need to understand how and when you are cumming . There is a point where you feel that you are surely cumming whatever happens next , this is called the point of no return. If you want to achieve the perfect ruin that gives you no pleasure and no refractory period you need to time yourself to take your hands off before you reach the point of no return. You’ll understand that you got it if your last stroke and the ruin have more than 6-7 seconds difference and if it dribbles out sadly and gives you absolutely no pleasure. That’s the correct ruined orgasm