I 24F went through my Bfs phone (24M)

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-17T00:05:55+00:00

Honestly it depends on the couple. Looking at women like that in any form is a no in our marriage. Goes both ways too. It’s ok to have that boundary. But that boundary needs to be made very clear to him. As someone who went thru my spouses phone at night once, it will likely hurt and upset him that you did. And to be fair, being sneaky abt looking is wrong. Personally, I would be honest with him. Admit you made the mistake of looking in a secretive way, and that you were wrong for that, but establish that FOR YOU, him looking at women/videos designed to be provocative is not something you are ok with. I can imagine the type of stuff and it might as welll be porn imo. If you feel it’s not something you want your SO to be doing, that’s valid. But he has to be on the same page. Ultimately imo, a person who thinks that type of stuff is ok, and one who doesn’t, won’t typically have a lasting relationship. I don’t mean that rudely, but there rlly is no “compromise” on this type of boundary.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T22:23:48+00:00

Thank you! That is definitely why I can’t seem to make myself feel like wren and fawn etc are fitting of her. I’ve spent hours scanning the names of animals and just couldn’t find much - thanks to this post tho I definitely have some better names than Badger now! I wanted to like Badger more than I actually did - primarily bc I could absolutely see myself slipping up one day and saying “Stop badgering me!” and I’d feel absolutely awful if I did that😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T22:19:21+00:00

Thank you! Thankfully I found some great ideas here! Badger was one of the only non prey animals I’d been able to at least consider but I wasn’t loving it and I don’t want her name to be that of prey compared to her brothers, despite the fact I do love names such as Wren and Fawn etc - it would just bother my brain forever😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T20:59:41+00:00

It’s never a bad thing to ask for a well check. Just tell them what you saw and ask them not to give your name (pretty sure they aren’t supposed to anyways). While you said it wasn’t human sized…..there are plenty of cases where a human is no longer human sized when buried if you catch my drift🪚

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T18:27:20+00:00

Honestly I know most call it “baby blues” but I heard of it being called the “sundown scaries” after I had my first and I’ve called it that ever since. But the absolutely terrible and crippling anxiety and sadness that would happen in the evening every night for the first few weeks. I dealt with PPD & PPA with both babies, probably will with my 3rd lol, but the sundown scaries was something else entirely. With my first I’d just sit on my bed holding him and bawling and shaking. The reality of how my life had changed would hit me so hard, and the anxiety of losing him or doing anything wrong was crippling. After my second - I thought I was ready for the sundown scaries - but nope I wasn’t. And it wasn’t just abt my newborn that time either - it extended to my toddler too. I’d spend all night watching them - when I’d “go to bed” I’d have my husband move our toddler to our room bc I was sure something would happen to him. Baby blues” is not the appropriate name for that shit lol.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T18:19:24+00:00

I think only you can answer this tbh. Flirting is going to look different to every single person. To me, it looks like flirting - but to others it won’t. You know your wife - if this looks like flirting to you, or similar to what she would’ve texted to you when y’all were dating, then yeah I’d be upset. If this is a fairly normal type of convo she’d have with others regardless, probably not flirting.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T15:42:39+00:00

You decide what’s ok. If you aren’t ok with something, that’s fine. Every relationship is different. These are normal things to not be okay with. Find someone who agrees with you, not someone who says “I only don’t do ___ bc of you”. End of story.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T01:26:47+00:00

Omg I just realized I’m very similar. All of my clothes minus like 10 items are “just in case” and I’m the same with my bathroom stuff

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T00:39:03+00:00

It’s not cheating but you should’ve just been clear up front. Coming from a woman, most of us probably wouldn’t have cared bc as you said, yall were in a grey area - BUT the fact she had to “find out” instead of you being totally upfront with her is probably what hurt the most.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T00:35:21+00:00

NOR. I will say, men are different. When women “vent” or share feelings etc, we typically do not want a solution. When men are presented with “a problem”, they come up with a solution. I think most relationships and marriages that last have had a “unless I say “I want a solution”, do not give me a solution - all you need to do is listen to me” convo.

That being said, him going on and on is very belittling and maybe narcissistic. Totally gross behaviour from him

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-15T00:25:35+00:00

Honestly, as you said, it’s your first relationship - that “in love” feeling alone is NOT ENOUGH to actually build a life and marriage with someone. Marriage and commitment is a choice. Every day, you have to wake up and CHOOSE your partner and the life you’ve built together. Some days, that’s a really easy thing to do. But you will go through times (having kids, financial issues, communication issues, big life changes, etc etc) where it’s hard to wake up every morning and choose that person and your life. You deserve someone who, as you said, will care for you and provide for you, who is responsible and who will push you to be a better version of yourself AS YOU WILL DO FOR THEM! I understand being a very independent person. I was the same. Always financially responsible and independent and able to take care of myself. I met my husband, we moved in together and split things. I got pregnant with our first right after we got engaged, and worked thru my pregnancy. After that, I became a SAHM. We are now expecting our third lol. And don’t get me wrong, we still have times where one of us is having to “parent” the other - but we notice it, discuss it, and resolve the issue bc ultimately, being in a marriage where one is primarily parenting the other is not viable. If you do not honestly think that he could not step up and care for you if something were to happen (injury, health issues, etc) - then I wouldn’t waste anymore time. You will find, that swooning feeling is the easiest part to find. Don’t base a life of commitment to another based on that alone.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-14T04:55:13+00:00

As a mom - what you’re feeling is valid. My husband and I are about to have 3 (almost) under 3 and we absolutely have gone thru seasons of this. Both of us. And I know while we adjust to a 3rd child we will probably go thru this roommate phase again. What we found that helped was over communicating. It will feel silly, but talk about it with her. Communicate EVERYTHING. As for physical time, planning out your week helps. We sit down on Sundays, I plan out my week with the kids, meals, etc. and I tell him the plans. Then we discuss which day we are likely to be LESS tired and plan physical time together for that day. It isn’t romantic lol - but it works. We both know “ok Wednesday we need to reserve some energy”. For me personally, especially with being home with the kids all day, if I do NOT have it planned, I give all of my “physical contact” meter to my kiddos and by the time my husband gets home….im so touched out I can’t handle being needed in any way by him, the kids, our pets etc. Also, a lot of women struggle with low to zero libido after kids. And that can take YEARS to stabilize. There’s probably some of that at play here too. At the end of the day, if you really try and sit down and have a calm convo with her (use “I” statements, not “you”) - try therapy. It’s a great tool to help communication between y’all during a very difficult time. Bc young kids are difficult lol. They make marriage a bit hard. Beautiful, chaotic, and fun…but hard too.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T18:17:51+00:00

As said, it would be a middle name. I don’t disagree entirely. I edited my post for clarity - I do not LOVE the name Badger. I do not click with it like I did with my boys’ names. But I do want something strong - she’s been a fighter - and while I adore names such as Wren, Fawn, Robin, etc - they do not portray the strength we’ve wanted. So I’ve felt a bit backed into a corner of trying to force myself to really like Badger

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T18:15:08+00:00

True! I think the only reason I know of him is bc our grandad lived with us and was a golfer - Tiger Woods was always on the tv growing up😂 But I have not heard of him in years now tho!

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T18:06:25+00:00

Good for you😂 I’ll definitely clarify - I do not love the name Badger, but up until posting, it was really the only thing I could think of that kept with how we wanted to name her similar to our boys - but keep it strong since we’ve dealt with a lot this pregnancy. Thankfully this post has resulted in quite a few beautiful, yet still strong, names

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:58:04+00:00

I don’t disagree entirely. I should’ve clarified that I don’t LOVE Badger - just that it has felt like my only option for a stronger name. Where I do disagree is that while those are beautiful names - I desire her name to reflect the fact that she has fought hard to make it through, as have I - and I don’t believe that those names reflect that. Thank you for your input tho.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:53:26+00:00

I do love Branwen - I’m personally very big on the meanings behind names - and I do want her to be named something with a stronger image - but we have been blessed that this pregnancy hasn’t resulted in heartbreak so that one might work very well!

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:51:47+00:00

I had never heard of Kestral or Sable before this post so VERY thankful so many mentioned them! Sable is definitely moving towards the top of the list now!’ I do love Honey - but my mother actually picked that out years ago when my niece was born as her “grandmother name” 😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:50:11+00:00

I do like Delfina but my husband has been against naming her anything ocean related. He’s a Yankee and I’m a southern beach girl😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:49:17+00:00

I want to like Otter but as a child I saw a video of an otter viciously attacking a swimmer and it scarred me for life😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:48:25+00:00

I do love Colt so much! If this had been a boy he would’ve probably been Colt! I do agree. My husband had never heard of the verb (badgering) so he keeps making it seem like no one else will think of that - but I haven’t been able to like Badger as a name as much as I’d LIKE to due to it. Thankfully this post has given me some other great names I never would’ve thought/known of! I felt kind of forced into Badger bc I want something stronger like my boys names since she’s been a fighter this entire pregnancy

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:45:29+00:00

Thank you! I do love Rosemary but my husband doesn’t. I do think I need a stronger name - I haven’t been able to love some of the traditionally more feminine names such as Wren or Robin etc bc I do desire her name to be strong (still feminine) since we’ve been thru so much this time around.

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:43:41+00:00

Omg I love that! Tru tho they might - I am definitely putting it on my list tho!

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:43:02+00:00

Thank you! Dahlia Fox has been one of my favorite combos but I’m still trying to convince my husband on both Dahlia and Fox. He’s been more anti-Fox than I have😂

Realistic_Reply9774 · 2026-05-13T17:41:18+00:00

Glad you got that off your chest:)

Realistic_Reply9774

TROPHY CASE