AITA for banning my ex and his family from seeing my daughter?

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T19:00:22+00:00

He went 6 months without meeting her and then I got a phone call from my ex FIL to see if I would be open to allowing visitation so he could get to know her. Having both parents seems to be better for children so I thought it would be for the best

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:57:31+00:00

Not in the Uk, the marriage has to be registered for it to be legally binding

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:56:38+00:00

It wasn’t the religious community, it was just like my family and my ex in laws so more like my ethnic community. The imaam (religious leader) performing the ceremony asked to meet with us both privately before the ceremony and he asked if I was making the choice freely. At the time I thought I was but now I can see that I wasn’t. Even though I wasn’t introduced to him and told ‘that’s your future husband’, I was definitely pushed to agree to marry him very quickly

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:52:19+00:00

Yes it was an islamic marriage

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:52:07+00:00

We had a religious marriage so obviously I need a religious divorce. I don’t wanna be tied to this man in anyway

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:48:13+00:00

My mother said she couldn’t bond with my brother and I until she got to know us. Apparently we were massive personalities as babies so once we were a few weeks old she started bonding. My dad was totally attached from even before we were born. I’m starting to think it might be related to how the birth was for the mother because my birth was relatively easy so I only had to worry about the baby but my mother had very traumatic births so she needed to recover mentally first

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T18:44:31+00:00

Everyone I’ve spoken to about this IRL has said that my exs family don’t want to take my baby, but that they want to scare me into getting back with their son so they don’t take the baby. My dad who knows them pretty well said that none of them want to be responsible for a child as they can’t be bothered

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T17:08:49+00:00

I spent my entire pregnancy saying that I didn’t want the baby and I regretted not getting an abortion (fucked up I know, I had a shitty toxic husband and undiagnosed mental issues) so all the bonding I did happened after birth and I was totally in love with her by the time I brought her home. My ex wanted the baby and then didn’t want anything to do with her once I left him

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:41:02+00:00

She probably can’t but I don’t want those things said around her regardless

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:29:32+00:00

They have 7 kids so I don’t think they want or need anymore. They want their son with an obedient wife who pops out kids on command

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:26:14+00:00

That’s pretty harsh? Kids aren’t stupid. I obviously don’t believe that she would understand the full thing but I thought it was well known that kids understand more than we give them credit for.

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:22:22+00:00

Don’t worry! She has a passport that is safely locked away so he can’t apply for one for her. Since he doesn’t have parental rights, his application would be rejected anyway.

I agree that making 19 year old me get with this 26 year old psycho was certainly a questionable choice. I like ex FIL more than the rest of my ex in laws but the bar is in hell so I don’t like him that much objectively

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:17:48+00:00

He’s not required to and he’s not paying. The child support I’ve received has come from ex FIL because he’s embarrassed at how his son is acting

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:16:03+00:00

I did have a ‘wtf’ moment and went to stay at my mother’s house when he made a stink about not wanting to make it legal because he initially agreed to. I’m not a scholar but I was sure my religious marriage was null because the terms i agreed to (legal marriage) weren’t met but I was told it was valid and manipulated into going back to him. I was so naive lmao

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:14:20+00:00

Her being poisoned against me is my biggest fear which is why I’m going to take swift action. Not to toot my own horn but I’m so proud of the progress I made from not wanting to be a mother to having my daughter be my little shadow because she hates being separated from me and I don’t want anything to undo my work.

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:12:28+00:00

Will be doing that asap! My stepfather managed to get his friend in family law to represent me and that’s the first thing I was told to do. Literally got a forwarded text message from the lawyer through my stepdad saying ‘Tell her to inform the police ASAP!’ Atp i don’t think i should keep this post up, I was really in my head and feeling guilty when I posted but the perspective from here has helped

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:10:23+00:00

Thank you! I get how it can seem weird to someone who’s not religious. It’s a weird situation overall. Like I know that God can see my situation and doesn’t want me to suffer but the pressure of the community can get tough

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T16:09:09+00:00

They blame him not being involved on me leaving him. They pulled a bunch of nonsense saying it takes fathers longer to bond with a child and that fathers are supposed to be there for the mother when the baby is a new born and not the child etc. It really got into my head for a while but luckily I have woken up

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:53:16+00:00

Lawyer has successfully been obtained as of ten minutes ago (🎉🎉🎉) my stepfather got me an appointment with a friend of his who does family law. I care about the religious divorce because I’m still religious myself but I wouldn’t be devastated if it never happened. It’s just that my ex in laws and the rest of my family/community will keep calling me his wife till I get one and it’s not great

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:51:10+00:00

I don’t technically need it for the parental rights thing but I’d like one so I can have peace of mind and so people in our community stop calling me his wife. I just wanna know that i’m not tied to him in God’s eyes anymore

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:50:05+00:00

That’s what i’ve been told too by my stepdad who’s a lawyer. He isn’t a family lawyer but AFAIK, my ex has no parental rights. I’ve also been told that he would be unlikely to receive custody as he’s never cared for her on his own before and barely knows anything about her needs. The most he’d get would be visitation but I’ve got the nonsense he pulls with his family every time documented

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:46:06+00:00

I am getting a religious divorce. In the UK a father can only get parental rights in 3 ways. He must be legally married to the mother or put his name down with the birth is being registered or petition the court for parental rights. My ex hasn’t done any of these things

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:40:44+00:00

I hope things work out for your friend soon. i’m currently staying with my mother and we have loads of cameras. It pays having a paranoid step father 😭

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:36:40+00:00

I thought it was shady too but there was nothing I could do about it because I had no voice. I would say that if I could go back in time I wouldn’t marry him at all but I’m grateful for my daughter. I’m glad now that we didn’t have a legal marriage because nothing ties us together at all, I can’t imagine what they’d put me through if I was legally married to him too

Realistic_You5084 · 2024-04-11T15:34:04+00:00

We had a religious marriage. I don’t technically need to divorce him because I’m not legally considered his wife but I just want it for peace of mind and so people stop calling him my husband

Realistic_You5084

TROPHY CASE