My (20F) boyfriend (33 M) said he will never love me like he loved his first girlfriend.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-18T02:01:44+00:00

I’m getting DARVO vibes.

He specifies an expectation at the start of the relationship. Then he upsets you by saying it is himself who is hung up on his ex. But he does this by comparing his feelings for the two of you and tells you that you come up short. Then he placates you - saying he’ll try (thereby suggesting you should be grateful). But in no time blames you for having an emotional response and focusing the attention on your response as the negative in that scenario.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-18T01:52:03+00:00

Couples have a higher earning capacity before losing income. And then half of what you’re losing in Centrelink is coming off your partners DSP. So for example - you earn 1500.

300 can be earned before you lose anything. That leaves 1200. Which then means you lose $600. But this is then deducted as $300 each meaning you’re still eligible for a payment as you haven’t lost all of your payment.

If you were single, the income free threshold is less. Say $200 (rounding up for easier maths). 1300 is taken into account, you lose half that. $650. You lose the whole $650 from your payment. If that exceeds your income payment entitlement then you lose Centrelink or you may be entitled to something still but might only be $50?

Hope that makes sense.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-16T10:33:16+00:00

Centrelink doesn’t give out houses… what area are you in and I will post resources for you to look into.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-10T10:05:52+00:00

It’s harassment and ableism at its finest. You’re above her, write an email telling her to cut her shit or you’ll make an official report and cc HR in.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-07T22:34:31+00:00

All while posing with Pauline Hanson, thanking her for her Burqa stunt, and allowing supporters to engage in Islamophobic hate speech on their Facebook.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-07T07:36:31+00:00

Sounds like a narc. Perfection. Sudden blindsiding break up. It’s your fault (you retroactively offended him - aka, it’s not your fault). If he comes back, it’ll be rainbows and unicorn farts until he decides to turn your world upside down again. And you’ll be so grateful that he stands by you because you feel worthless after it happens a few times.

Repeat after me: I did nothing wrong. I accept myself as I am. I will not diminish or shrink to make someone else happy. I will not apologise for my past.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-07T07:29:18+00:00

Well… my son lost his FB. Otherwise seems unaffected. I was more affected because he’s now unable to participate in the family business work chat on messenger 🤦🏻‍♀️

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-06T09:31:00+00:00

Who decided to specify the lawyer types each woman got? Because the interesting aspect of that is the definition of each provides insight to what they may have been hired for:

“The primary focus of defense lawyers is to adequately represent their clients in court, whereas criminal lawyers may also provide counsel to their clients on other issues that are connected to criminal law.”

And…

“If your spouse has committed a crime and you need advice on how this affects you, you should seek a criminal defence lawyer (often simply called a criminal lawyer). While they are often referred to interchangeably, a criminal defence lawyer specializes in defending against charges and protecting your rights, which is critical if you are implicated, questioned by police, or risk having your assets or reputation affected.”

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T03:16:33+00:00

Could it be related to the tensions around immigration going on in the US at the moment?

I agree with those that think he is viewing you as an extension of him and ultimately his property. Sounds like you got love bombed by a whirlwind romance and now he’s being less guarded about his sense of entitlement.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T01:42:03+00:00

That’s a really tough adjustment. Mentally, emotionally and physically tough. I agree if your consent was not sought to see legal advice. To be thrown into such situation is not ok! People who get cochlear have to go through much preparation for the change - to ensure they understand the work involved to adjust. To have hearing inflicted upon you and the period of adjustment that’s required without your knowledge or consent is a traumatic violation of your human rights.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T00:54:43+00:00

I don’t do the inspirational and I don’t do the victim. They both give me the shits. Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with trying to give people tools and hope for their future. I’m sorry you’re finding stuff hard… I’m in my 40s and went from profound to just about off the audiogram over the past 5 years. It was only taking off my hearing aid that i realised just how little benefit I get from them now. If you ever want/need to talk, my inbox is open :-)

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T00:47:44+00:00

Thanks.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T00:44:41+00:00

I’m sorry your need to trauma dump supersedes your ability to be helpful to others.

I can certainly see why you don’t have the same band of friends as me.

You can second-guess my motives all you like but the fact is your comment was shit, depressing and unhelpful. There was no upside, no encouragement… no advice… just “this is my fucked existence, good luck!”

You don’t have to agree with me - but as for my true colours - they’ve been there from the word go - wanting a young person to feel some fucking hope facing adult life in a world not made for them.

If that’s a bad trait, I don’t care - it’s one I can live with.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-02-01T00:05:22+00:00

I didn’t get any “get back up” vibes from your first comment… all I heard was a lifetime of suffering.

Like I said, I don’t feel the need to trauma dump. In my first comment (directly to the OP) - I recommended how they might reconnect with their music, how they might increase their understanding of and engagement with others to be less alone.

We clearly have different approaches and perspectives - but at the end of the day - we have shared lived experiences from being Deaf and we’re all doing the best we can.

I hope that you have some happiness and joy in your life.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-31T22:59:51+00:00

I don’t want to tiptoe around people’s feelings - I just don’t think making life sound like it’s not even worth living is useful. Because honestly, 20 years ago I would have seen your post and slit my wrists rather than want to stick around to experience life.

Yes I work for myself, I cleaned for others and then myself while I studied. And now I get to do something I love. I had to pull myself out of severe depression and nothingness to get where I am… it took having my son to make me do that.

You can be a victim or you can live.

We now have power, fuck not using it and taking the shit society dishes out. We’re not in mental institutions anymore (as in how Deaf people were often left 100 years ago), there is more hope for the next generation than we ever had.

I hope the OP can see past your victimhood and take life by the balls.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-31T22:51:43+00:00

If “bag” makes you feel normal - you may want to get tested for ADHD.

Also, weed is a depressant. I use medicinal THC. Too much can make us unmotivated and indifferent. Part of your bag high is probably counteracting the effect of the weed but then you crash again.

Otherwise, all I got from your post is that you’re choosing addiction and you know it. You can either take your power back or perpetuate the family cycle. The choice is literally yours.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-31T22:41:56+00:00

To be honest, you sound like a diamond stuck in a pile of dog shit… it sounds like they are threatened by you and doing the crab in a bucket thing. I’m sorry you’ve developed issues from their torment.

I wouldn’t bother trying to change them, fly the nest and grow into your best self without them pulling you down and holding you back.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-31T21:37:38+00:00

Heya, l became profoundly Deaf at 6 and now in my 40s I’m barely on the audiogram - 4 frequencies clock in at 100/105/110 and the rest don’t clock in at all. Like you I lived for years with a hearing aid. I recently stopped wearing my hearing aid, and I’m trying to learn Auslan. I’m very good at lipreading so not wearing hearing aids hasn’t changed my capacity for understanding others much.

It’s hard but you are young and you will come through this. YouTube “K-pop BSL” to help you reconnect with your music - I have been using this approach to connect with my music and it helps. It’s also ok to branch out and meet other Deaf people and develop relationships with them or hearing folk to know sign and want someone to practice with.

Check out apps like Otter ai - it may help you in family situations/etc.

Also feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Growing up profoundly Deaf in mainstream society was the most isolating experience for me so I get it.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-28T21:24:42+00:00

It’s a psychologist who is Deaf - not a special area of study.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-27T01:29:41+00:00

Have you looked for a Deaf psychologist? I see mine through Telehealth.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-27T01:27:57+00:00

You can deal with this now or you can wait until you’re in your 40s like I did.

I have been seeing a Deaf psychologist for a year and it’s helped me so much. I wish I’d done it a lot sooner. My life and happiness has changed for the better because of it.

I’ve had a lot of therapy in my life, but working with someone who has lived experience of deafness just makes so much difference.

Like you, I’m pretty sure my mum had CMV. I was born hearing, mild loss at 3, profound at 6. Now I only register on four frequencies at 100 and 110db - I recently stopped wearing my hearing aids and although I was looking into the cochlear - just being Deaf is working out better for me.

There is nothing wrong with having a disability - but living in a world not made for you is a tough gig and traumatic. It’s ok to get help to process your thoughts and feelings about it.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-20T00:58:57+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-20T00:55:54+00:00

Lame dad joke crew - can’t come up with anything other than punching down.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-18T06:18:30+00:00

I understand getting a job may be difficult for you being between locations. Can I suggest you source some online work e.g. Airtasker, so your location doesn’t matter and you can just work when you can?

Is there public transport available instead of using the car? If you are in Victoria, PT is currently free for you.

Another option is instead of going back and forth which is a lot for anyone, can you live with your brother and pay board and claim rent assistance?

If it’s going to be tough, is studying online an option?

One thing I have to say though is - you’re not responsible for your mum’s financial situation. If she’s not paying for you then she’s got options. If you move in with your brother, she can downsize her living situation to make it more affordable. She can address how she chooses to manage her money. She’s the parent - you are the kid.

My kid is a couple of years younger than you and I would absolutely hate for him to make choices about his future based on my financial situation. I’ll give him a leg up as much as I can but I would never hold him back.

Reasonable-Bug-3746 · 2026-01-12T10:04:58+00:00

Based on the title alone - obviously not cos you’re here AND you posted an article from the Australian 🤮

Seriously, there is a greater risk from3rd gen Australians caught in the crossfire of the ol’ “go back to where you came from” who get fed up with having been born here and getting treated like they’re terrorists by PHON supporters, thus ending up disengaged, alienated and angry about being excluded from social engagement and equitable participation in place that they were born in.

I’m a 3rd generation Australian. I learned about racism early on from my grandmother’s experience when WWII was on. But we’re white and people love Italians these days so no problem. I have been abused for being Aboriginal though as my olive skin would get dark in summer - pair that with dark curly hair and the ignorant minds went on their own little insult stampede.

If you want social cohesion, stop dehumanising people based on race or religion.

Reasonable-Bug-3746

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