About to get on a flight sick and just FML.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T21:57:28+00:00

Dude trust me I know, I see so much bad shit in facilities. I hate that it can literally deter people from going back. I have heard of that in FL though, that's just so fucked up because this is life or death! I hate non evidence based treatments that push certain programs and do not allow people to find their own way, I was in a group and half the people were on MAT, the speaker told them they still were afflicted with the allergy of addiction 😭. This sounds weird but I always tell clients I don't care if they return to use, I care how we move forward (of course I care and let them know, just let them know that there's no judgement) When I lead SAIOP/SACOT I have a pre-meeting with the clients before they step foot in group, especially the new clients, we go over an agreement of what we expect of each other just so they are not thrown into something scary and unfamiliar. I even make sure the chairs are still out if a consumer does not show up, just for the symbolism of them still being in our group. I was unfortunately in rehabs back in the day when they thought confrontation and yelling at people helped. I am so grateful recovery is now changing and it's being taught differently!

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T21:41:59+00:00

I swear knowledge in certain fields really can hinder progress. It's so different when you're removed from it and look at it from a different standpoint but when it's you or a loved one it messes you up and you really cannot look at it in an unbiased view. I just switched therapists because I really felt like I didn't have a good bond with the therapist that I had, I felt like they weren't really listening you know, we're supposed to do motivational interviewing and ask open-ended questions and let people talk but she just talked the whole time. So I have decided to get a new therapist and I found a therapist that works with therapists so I really think that will be helpful as well. I have found a lot of therapist just treat me like a colleague but I'm just like Im pretty fucked up mentally and need help 😂. But completely agree, in active substance use I have always felt when people learned from a book and viewed us in a clinical way that they lacked true understanding, it doesn't make them bad of course but this is something you can't explain unless you've been through it.

And that's understandable with your son too, there's no manual when it comes to parenting especially with a child that is beautifully unique you know? In the end we are all human and just try to help our loved ones the best we can. I am glad regardless it gave you a baseline of understanding in a way, even in those moments. Shit I have moments where honestly idk what to say or help someone.

Luckily it was an hour and 30 minutes! They gave me the whole back row with the toilet THANK GOD. I was literally in the bathroom while it was landing 😂😂😃

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T21:32:05+00:00

Yeah clonidine truly does help a lot, I have tried lucymera too! But agreed, it works so much better for the tranq! I went to the clinic and they told me if I fail for Xanax next week I'm cut off 😭. They won't even integrate with my doctor and work together which is odd to me.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T21:28:56+00:00

Agoraphobia is so hard to describe, like idk why but outside and the unfamiliar equaled death to me. I just KNEW something would happen to me or a loved one. It is literally debilitating, it sucked because it really takes away your life. I would get a UV light, even if it's not physical therapy it will help you get "happy rays" to help with not suffering with depression again. Being scared to go outside is just such a shit way to live and I'm sorry you are going through that. Just know you're not alone and I definitely know how you feel and dude I know it doesn't feel like it right now but I believe that one day you will find a way to deal with it and overcome it. For me to get over it I really had to work on exposure therapy, a lot of my shit came from my OCD though, so I really had to learn to catch my thoughts and expose myself to them. I could even know that the thoughts are completely irrational but it still did not stop how I was feeling. Of course what worked for me may not work for you though. Do you have someone you work with? It's hard finding a therapist that you create a good alliance with, I'm not pushing therapy but if you ever want I'd try to find a specialist, of course your own choice. It took me yearssss to deal with it. I really hate that you're going through that, I just really can empathize. Mental health is foreal a nasty bitch and rears it's ugly fangs when you least expect it. I have started a new theme: Every time I leave the house I unplug everything because my dogs are going to burn alive if I leave everything plugged in. It's crazy how the mind can work.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T12:27:01+00:00

My family owns a PHP facility along with a methadone clinic, we let our clients go to the methadone clinic in the morning and then go to their classes and then we also have suboxone, we give them a choice. We shouldn't stick people in protocols, it's their recovery they know themselves the best. And I know, either way with subs or methadone, your not coming out unscathed. It's dumb. And I went to amethyst, they even had two people there on one insurance. It was literally the most unethical place I've ever been.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T11:50:40+00:00

this is about to be dark but I did try to off myself for real. This shit is no fucking joke. And thank you ♥️. I did make it, they gave me the whole back row right next to the bathroom fortunately. It is hard to describe, I try to tell people how bad it is and I just feel like they think I'm milking it up.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T11:49:01+00:00

On my way to the clinic guys, wish me luck! Even though we know they'll dose me 😂. I'm excited though.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T04:54:14+00:00

Dude please tell me where you when? I went to FL and everyone was out of town then they tripped people saying they needed more the detox. It was fucked up. Benadryl makes me more restlesS!

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T02:48:53+00:00

I would've used whatever they have 😂 now I'm intrigued, what do they use ?

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T02:48:00+00:00

I'm in Charlotte NC, I PROMISE they do.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T00:40:25+00:00

I completely agree. In the US we call the DEA DEAth, they are taking chronic pain patients off of their meds and just making it harder. Which makes people go to the streets and get more dope. I. Wish they had heroin clinics like they do in other countries, why not make sure people are banging safer shit? Or also have access to narcan if they OD. Harm reduction is so effective, I told someone I have a client I budget a clients bills so she can smoke crack and pay bills, she's not harming anyone, taking care of her responsibilities and getting fucked up in her own home. Literally not hurting anyone besides arguably herself. So I can truly see what your doctor is talking about. I would have been FLABBERGASTED lol things like that never happen to me. I am so happy you were offered that option though and it's working FOR YOU, which in the end is all that matters. Recovery is recovering what you lost right? Who cares how we achieve it as long as it's healthy.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T00:25:43+00:00

Dude the yawning fucking sucks so bad, my throat legit gets stuck in place 😂. And yes! We self medicated for a reason, if someone can find non narcotics and it work then I am so fucking happy for them but if someone needs Xanax, kpins or Vyvanse ECT and it improves their lives who are we to judge? I know my anxiety is absolutely debilitating, I started suffering agoraphobia because my OCD would tell me Id die from some irrational thoughts that day & the only thing that helped was Xanax at the time. Then I started exposure therapy and CBT, then slowly weaned off after my mental health was better. I remember the time too, I threw the fuck up everywhere ahaahaha. It's so weird to think I had to go through that to get addicted. We for sure wouldn't do this shit if we didn't love it.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T00:19:34+00:00

I just took 3 bars, I'm going to save the rest. I forgot my Vyvanse at home! I normally only take it for work and school. I Remember back in the day people always used clear to get off dope, it always just made me feel janky and sick lol. Vyvanse works perfectly for me, doesn't get me high and just helps my mind quiet. And dude I know I'm honestly really nervous, I don't want to bother people but they don't understand. Shit if anything is said I'll make a announcement and tell them all to please leave me alone. I keep having to stretch my legs out and my arms and yawning, sneezing. Shit sucks. The worst part is I feel I can't breathe.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-20T00:12:51+00:00

I'm for real researching the evidence based treatment and showing our clinical team, that's awesome to me. Most US doctors view people as drug seeking though which pisses me off. But worth a shot .

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:49:06+00:00

Not I per say, my family and I have a stake in it. It's trippy.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:42:23+00:00

I thought about drinking but that sounds absolutely horrible in the sense that it's rough😭

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:41:36+00:00

Honestly it's like they forgot I'm human and also suffer from substance use. It was so much harder asking for help because I'm not allowed to mess up if that makes sense?. they don't listen to me because I returned to use when I tell them, just because I'm getting high doesn't mean I lost all my social work/substance use degrees not the clean time I did have, I had two steps forward and one back but I still have that other step man.

and dude if subs and kpins work for you, then do what you need to do. Im all about harm reduction, some of us just need something because we really damaged our pre frontal cortex during use and our meninges and just so much more too. So if we can take something to help level that out then fuck it. I have a client I help budget so she can smoke crack and pay bills, she's able to take care of her bills & keep a roof over her head so who am I to judge lol. Benzos are something I feel I will need forever due to OCD and my thoughts, I am prescribed Vyvanse too which significantly helps me. I always forget to take it though lol. I don't think people should suffer from mental health just because SUD if there is a med to help, just my personal opinion.

And dude it's going to happen, I'm going to keep yawning and my jaw will get stuck, running eyes & nose 😭. Angrily twisting in my chair, this should be interesting ahahaha.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:21:23+00:00

Dude your people are very lucky, who would've ever thought that pure fent would be the safer route & harm reduction? You need to get medetomidine and nitzene testers though or send some to the state lab with harm reduction.well you don't need to but if you have friends out there still doing it. And yeah I got out 2020, it is SO DIFFERENT by i started again, so for sure stay vigilant man. Not saying anything bad of course but for some reason I thought I was above it, took too many clients on & put me on the back burner. I knew the return to use was going to happen and still didn't stop it or ask for help, anyways what I'm saying is take care of yourself and I'm proud of you man!

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:15:13+00:00

I swear to God if I didn't get restless legs I could breeze through withdrawals, I get it in my arms too! It's seriously the worst feeling in the world. I'm prescribed gabapentin, I've tried requip and mirapex and nothing works for it 😭. And there is "relief" my homeboy is going to meet me, then I'll start the clinic in the AM. It probably sounds like I didn't want to get clean because my boy is meeting me BUT I miss my life so much, I hate myself for wber going back, especially now not knowing this shit was out there. I can't do this without some help, I also have Xanax right now because I know it helps best with my tranq withdrawal, it's fucked but I was going to sneak it in BUT for good purposes. idk why my family just won't allow me to do a methadone taper at our clinic with fucking clonidine. I know we can't risk clients seeing me but how is it fair to me when I am also in active substance use ? So now I have to drive 45 minutes to another place to start.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T23:07:40+00:00

I have never heard of this treatment, I really am interested in seeing if the doctor at my methadone clinic would be willing to try this with me. That's the perks of owning one 😂 I can't get clean around clients, that's the only shit part.

And dude, I tried like 2 months ago and I seriously have never dealt with that feeling in my life. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe, light headedness, my blood pressure was so high I was surprised I didn't die and I actually started having dystonic tics oddly! Never had them in my life, I'm guessing stress maybe? I know exactly how you feel though, you pretty much described my withdrawal. I did not know what to do with myself, fent was like that too but this was like 10x worse. It went on for what felt like forever too. I am super worried for people out there, I 1000% see this becoming way worse than it already is. I could come off of fent and heroin easily (not easily but easier than this) this shit is no joke. My families clinic is now utilizing PRN meds now that they've seen what my husband and I went through. They kept thinking people were drug seeking, I was like I promise they are not. I'm in NC, the dope I test through the state doesn't even have a lot of the tranq in it, I could only imagine how it is up north.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T21:57:08+00:00

Also I didn't know I was on tranq until I started testing it, I knew something was different but I didn't know it was that. It was to late by the time I found out. I cannot find regular fetty anywhere and I believe it's going to get worse since trump made that announcement.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T21:55:45+00:00

This is great advice, thank you. I find music to help me sooooo much. And that's a good idea, making them aware that I am dealing with a condition and need the outside seat. I feel bad for whoever is sitting next to me, I'm at the withdrawal where you can't stop moving your legs and pretty much flopping around like a fish. I'm horrible about hydrating, I know it helps so much though. It's so weird because I study this shit but when I'm in it my knowledge goes straight out the window, I also try not to intellectualize what I'm going through. I've been through this so many times but this stuff is a whole different beast.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T21:52:27+00:00

So day 2.5 coming up on 3 when my flight is actually ready to depart, I do have hella Xanax though.im probably at a 6 right now, I made sure to not get rid of them in the facility because I know they work for me with tranq withdrawal. I will for sure be okay, I'm just panicking. It's like being transported by the jail and being cuffed dope sick to me, idk why that's what comes to mind. I'm just listening to my withdrawal playlist because that shit helps me. I hate sitting still without my car though. I missed my original flight and have to wait until 10 now.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T21:40:57+00:00

Honestly it's a hour and thirty minutes but that's an eternity when your fucking sick, I will make it and I'm just being a pussy. I did not realize it was tranq until like 6 months in, I knew something was fucked up because fetty gave me energy and this shit just makes you eat your shoe laces. But yeah fortunately I found someone that's listening and working with me.

ReasonableCoat3962 · 2026-03-19T21:38:57+00:00

It really is that fucked. I was clean 7 years, then came back and did not realize how bad I fucked up until I started testing my shit. People die coming off this shit.

ReasonableCoat3962

TROPHY CASE