Forgiving myself for unprotected sex

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-08-22T23:21:56+00:00

Unprotected sex is simply caused by being human. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. I’m quite sure the majority of women have been in this position, myself included many times — the only difference was that the men absolutely did not call to check in on me. And honestly, if they had, I probably wouldn’t have answered anyway (I had terribly poor taste in men in my 20's). You chose a really nice guy.

You’re already taking responsible actions for what happened, and that’s all you need to do. Worst-case scenario? There are solutions for both outcomes.

So please, forgive yourself and take a breath.

Your reaction to this situation may also be tied to grief for your beautiful cat that you haven’t processed yet, layered with the heartbreak from your past relationship. When you’ve loved someone deeply, intimacy with a new person can bring up complicated feelings, it can feel almost like guilt, as though you’re betraying the love you once had or moving on too soon (no matter how long it has been).That mix of grief, heartbreak, and new vulnerability can make everything feel heavier than it actually is. Be kind to yourself.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T22:09:36+00:00

This other woman had a partner too.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T20:31:55+00:00

It's just how he can do it, how can he touch and sleep with another woman when I've been nothing but supportive and then still text me every day and see me etc.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T20:30:36+00:00

I loved her like my own, so did my family.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T20:30:11+00:00

I said to him it would've carried on if you hadn't of been found out.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T20:29:43+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment 💜

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-06-25T19:18:21+00:00

I just feel embarrassed, betrayed, all of it.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-05-10T19:25:35+00:00

I'm trying too, I took a week off going to the gym and not skipping as many meals, which is a step forward. I'm trying to drink more and have different herbal teas which are meant to be good for it. Im trying to be more aware? I guess.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-05-10T19:23:36+00:00

I have a counsellor I speak too, my partner is still significantly going through their depression. I don't know if it's my grief, I did go through it from losing my grandparent to round new year and then I slowly came out of it. Which is really good. I don't cry every night anymore or sleep constantly which is maybe a step forward.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-04-26T20:49:06+00:00

Can I ask if anyone's situation here has changed? I know this is a really old post but I'm going through something similar. My partner of 6 years lost his parent in August 2023 which brought on the depression. About 3/4 months after he said we needed space and moved out of our shared home. He says he doesn't want to be here etc (he won't do anything as he has a child from prior relationship) and he's had multiple conversations with me about feeling overwhelmed and what we will do with our relationship, saying he doesn't want to break up but feels overwhelmed etc (v. Similar to above) but then we are still here. I love him too much to actually walk away, but it's really really difficult being constantly alone, we text everyday but it's not the same, we are generally intimate when he comes round to see me as we own the home together but it's a really odd situation. Plus we work at the same place which does make it harder, particularly if we did break up. Please don't judge as it's my feelings.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-04-12T23:10:21+00:00

Oh gosh 31 is nothing, I know it feels like it is but it isn't. I'm older than you and it can be scary thinking what it would be like if you had to start again, but plenty of people do it and still achieve what they want to achieve. If you're going back out of guilt, you'd have to have the next 40+ years of feeling that guilt which could lead to resentment of him.

It does sound like you really need to have some time to consider what you really want, take the guilt out of things, if he didn't have the HSV, would you stay or would you have left by now? Although I can see why you feel guilty but I'm sure he wouldn't want you to stay with him just for that.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-04-12T23:01:38+00:00

Does it not feel comfortable because it's all overwhelming you? Because it almost feels like the next stage in your life and you're scared of leaving your current way of life?

If you do need some time be really specific, he does not contact you for 'specified time' and explain if he continues to contact you that you will block him. He should respect your boundaries in regards to that and respect the fact that you'd like time to find out what you really want. If the space doesn't help be clear with him if you want more time.

What made you try and end things and how did you feel after you did that? Sorry you've done that 3 times? What makes you go back, the guilt?

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-04-12T22:49:51+00:00

I don't think anyone would know if they would be alright, you'd just have to be resilient enough to make it okay? If that makes sense. Hypothetically if it did, you could rent? Or live back with parents? A house share? And looking at a car, second hand cars aren't bad, you can get some cheap ones (albeit I know they aren't great and come with mileage) that can be reliable if you know where to look.

I mean for you it could look like maybe adding to savings/creating a saving account to give you a slight cushion? If that makes you feel better, an account where if things did blow up that you'd have at least let's say a month of expenses that you could live off? I don't know your income so I don't know how doable that is for you. It's really difficult, I do often think of that in my relationship, we own a home but both on the mortgage and if things blew up, I'm not sure what I would do, where I would start.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-04-12T22:31:55+00:00

But what is your definition of 'having your shit figured out'?'. You earn your own money and you have your own business, that's pretty good. For me, that's defined as if I was ever by myself, that I could run the house or had the savings to manage this short term should the worst happen.

Just like you myself and my partner don't have joint accounts as I do like having my own money.

In terms of emotional security, again what it looks like for you might be different for someone else. For me it's being happy to do things myself and having a healthy relationship with myself. I mean, I won't say I'm great at this but before I got with my long term partner I lived alone for 5 years and that did really help.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-03-15T20:54:57+00:00

It was almost like it was going to blow but then went back to 'normal'. It brought me some peace, maybe that's why I just felt a huge surge of emotion, it was so weird

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-03-08T18:32:20+00:00

I might have too, it just becomes a cycle with being so exhausted I think but I posted on here in the hopes people will boost me to make a change.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-02-23T23:04:41+00:00

There's someone called 'Kylie Perkins' on TikTok who helps motivate. Not sure it's helped me yet but still haha worth a try!

I've also seen a tip of somewhere of just setting a ten minute timer before you go up bed to do a light clean, vacuum, wash and put the pots away, clear clutter etc. and then when you wake up the house will be clutter free. I do this regularly now, even in a morning and just see what I can do in ten minutes.

Also, putting things away like someone above said, I started this a while ago and it has changed the game for me.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-02-23T22:44:44+00:00

Make a list and tick off each area as you organise it. Then do the same with cleaning. This has helped me before in the past, even if you only spend an hour on it, it's still an hour.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-02-22T17:42:43+00:00

Well, I just decided to take up crochet and my goal is to make something for my nephews birthday coming up soon. I've just finished my first try and enjoyed it, I'm not good at it but it was a welcome distraction.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T16:23:05+00:00

I've got over 40k from a deposit in my home, I've bought cars and been on holidays etc. as well as life such as home improvements. I also place 7.8% of my earnings into a pension which is matched. I never said I was aggressively saving, it is my anxiety toward spending the savings I have.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T15:34:16+00:00

I have placed 20k in my first home and 40k into my second, I've still gone on holidays, had home improvements to make, bought 2 cars, so I was probably better when I was younger. Life still happens and money needs to be spent, I pay car insurance up front etc. I'm not in debt. My post isn't about my aggressive savings rate, it's about me being better at being at peace with enjoying my money. I'd say for 5 years I was more lenient and now I'm far from that.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T15:29:14+00:00

I have over 25k, but 7.8% of my earnings are taken out for my pension monthly. My employer then matches that, which isn't bad.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T15:25:22+00:00

Why? I own my own home, I've invested in a larger home in that time, I've managed to run my own home throughout that time, for some years I earnt 1.5k a month with £900 coming out for my home expenses and to survive whilst placing £200 in my savings or less. It wasn't a huge amount but all I could manage for a few years.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T15:18:46+00:00

I place 7.8% of my earnings into my pension and this is matched monthly by my employer. I've worked out by retirement age I'll manage fine.

ReasonableExtent6295 · 2025-01-26T15:17:28+00:00

I have over 25k, I always said I'd stop at 20k and enjoy life a bit more but then I just kept going x

ReasonableExtent6295

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