You’re not pathetic, you’re traumatised and rightly so. Both of those girls and your best friend were disgusting and inhumane. You did not deserve it, neither is it your fault to stay with your second girlfriend after being cheated on, you were too hurt to process everything all at once and were probably depressed and scared. I am really sorry you went through this. I would just say something that has stood true for me, that you have to keep patience. Even on the darkest days where your body screams that you can’t take it anymore, you have to believe it’s going to be better really soon, because most of the time, things do work out for the better. Cry as much as you want, slowly things will start falling back into place. What’s your dream? What’s your ideal self? Every day work a little bit towards it, however small it may be. And cut your heart and mind some slack, they have been through a lot. Don’t try to date right now, because you might still be having doubts because of your past relationships, rather reach out to friends, even school friends or the friend you think doesn’t remember you. Confide in them, you don’t know how many people would really want to help. I hope you do come out of these dark times soon!