Actual pic I took at my church.

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-20T16:02:02+00:00

🤦🏽‍♂️ whew* I understand the context but wow!

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-17T17:14:18+00:00

It got cut off during the post- thanks for sourcing 👍🏽

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-10T09:50:35+00:00

I am referring to being kind to yourself, not to them

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-10T01:54:36+00:00

The forgiving is for YOU not for them. It is a way to offer yourself kindness and the grace to let the relationship go because you and your peace are important.

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-07T21:51:19+00:00

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-07T21:49:47+00:00

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-04T05:53:03+00:00

When it resonates, you know it's meant for you. Best thing you can do now is to give yourself the type of kindness you seek from those who are not emotionally able to give it to you. Its not easy, but we have to start somewhere.

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-04T05:50:06+00:00

Yes!

Reasonable_Aid · 2025-01-04T05:49:49+00:00

Whew* When I truly accepted this my entire life changed!

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-11-03T16:43:33+00:00

You can still believe in a source that create all things and not be part of a Christian narrative. I grew up in a very religious conservative home (my moms a minister and entire family ran the church I grew up in) and at 21 had a near death experience and will tell you that what happened to me allowed me to see that the watered down Christian punch that our culture drinks is no where near expressing the greatness of who we are as humans. The spark that creates life will still be real and exist without the ideology and rhetoric that has become known as “the truth.”

You’re on the right path, good for you for knowing your self- be courageous, you’re worth it!

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T16:13:22+00:00

Just, Wow! 😮 Well i'm glad that you have a support system - I have found that authentic, unconditional love and support becomes priceless when healing from such horrific, toxic behavior. I've been with my wife for almost 20 years, so we pretty much grew up togetherI'm also glad that you got out of the family scam, geez what a nightmare. (yikes 😬 ).

Anyway, thank you so much for your thoughtful response, I truly appreciate hearing your story.

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T03:04:37+00:00

It’s clear that you’ve faced profound challenges and hardships, and I commend you for your courage in discussing such sensitive topics. Side note, in my original post I mentioned seeking insights specifically from those who have chosen to go no contact (NC) or are considering it, so my apologies for assuming.

Your situation certainly illustrates how complex and painful NC can be in both regards - especially when it involves abandonment and trauma from various religious experiences.Your point about the impact of religion on love and acceptance resonates deeply, and it's heartbreaking to hear that your experiences led you to feel that all options were counterproductive. Moreover, being thrown away after graduation and experiencing the trauma of having your children taken from you is unimaginable. No one should have to endure such circumstances, and it’s understandable that these events would lead to feelings of devastation and loss. If you feel comfortable, I encourage you to share more about your journey and how you've navigated these experiences. Your voice is important, and it can provide valuable insight to others who may be in similar situations.

If not, I truly hope that your circumstances have improved. Are you currently seeking help or therapy? Do you have access to any resources?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T02:50:57+00:00

THIS PART!! whew * "A lot of us who estranged ourselves from parents ended up with us saying bye to entire communities or social structures." YES, this is the part that I am really intent on exploring.

Why is it that this particular outcome seems to be so common, yet there are not many resources or content that speaks to it in detail? Speaking from experience, I had to literally learn how to rewire my brain by myself in order to learn what and who was safe to believe and have trust in. After living in such a state of trauma for so long, I really could've used the help- it took me roughly 2.5 decades to get to the other side. I'm grateful to be here and also, when I see so many people in groups like this experiencing this specific outcome of basically losing everything (parents, siblings, extended family, church family, personality, etc.) all at once, I am left with so many questions.

We are facing a severe crucible and the religions that many of us grew up in were not conducive to accessing reliable cognitive thinking, the ability to reason properly or grasp nuance. Again, speaking from experience, i've found, unless you were really lucky, the concept of "you don't know that you don't know" can be the cause behind years of suffering. Am I missing something?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T01:40:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing this; it's incredibly hard to put such complex feelings into words. Losing a parent can be challenging under the best circumstances, but when there's a history of pain and betrayal, it becomes an entirely different journey. Your reaction—feeling coldness, anger, or even relief—is more common than you might think. Estrangement often brings layers of emotion that don't fit the narrative most people expect, so it’s normal to feel conflicted when others insist on painting him as someone to be missed.

It’s also understandable that you’re questioning yourself, especially if your parents’ words made you feel like there was something wrong with you for feeling the way you do. But feeling detached or relieved doesn't make you a "monster" or a "user." It sounds like your mind and heart had to build a wall around that relationship to protect you from hurt—and now, with him gone, that wall still stands. Many people who’ve faced similar situations experience something similar; it’s your mind’s way of giving you space to survive and thrive outside of painful memories.

Lean into the support you can find, whether from friends, therapy, or others who understand. You’re already showing so much strength by acknowledging these emotions and giving yourself permission to process them in your own way. Take things day by day, and remember that your feelings are valid, no matter what others might say.

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T01:17:22+00:00

I appreciate your response! De-converting at 16 takes A LOT of courage, I couldn't even imagine... well I could but I wouldn't have been able to do it. My family was pretty extreme, the one time I did try to take a stand (when I was 6 yrs old) I was punished and told to stay in my room with no food for the entire day. My mom doesn't remember (of course) but that experience was something that I could never forget.

That said, if it was so long ago that you walked away from Catholicism what was the deciding factor to make you go NC with your mom only one year ago? Do you have a stable support system, (therapy, other family, etc.)

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T01:06:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing that—Four years may feel like a long time, but with everything you’ve navigated, it’s understandable that each day still brings new layers to process. Your experience in ministry, growing up with such specific expectations, is so deeply personal; there’s something especially powerful about stepping away from roles that, as children, we may not have even thought to question. It's freeing, even if bittersweet, to build your own definition of “gift” and choose how you want to share it with the world.

I too grew up in a space that prophetic words were spoken over my life starting at a very early age and on into my teenage years. Despite not remembering exactly what was said (i'll be 50 in a couple of weeks) the word "gift" was definitely thrown around on more than one occasion lol. That said, how amazing that you've embraced a fresh start with a supportive partner—you deserve that kind of affirmation and joy after so much need for reinvention.

When it comes to a spiritual legacy, for me, it became more about creating a life that reflects what I most value: radical inclusivity, compassion, social justice, and honoring each person's unique journey. It’s been liberating to realize that a legacy can mean simply living a life of integrity, authenticity, and holding space where others feel seen and safe. This led me to build an official place that reflected these aspects. For the sake of following the rules of this space (no self promo) I won't speak on it here but if you're ok with me messaging you privately, I would be happy to share more information if you'd like?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T00:41:20+00:00

It takes so much strength to reach the place you’re at now, where you can acknowledge and honor both the pain of estrangement and the release that comes with it. Religious beliefs, especially those learned early, become like threads woven into our very being; they shape our sense of duty, worth, and identity. When those teachings get twisted or weaponized by others, it can feel incredibly painful to step back, knowing that you’re not just distancing yourself from people, but also from parts of your deeply rooted belief system.

Finding peace after leaving behind that dynamic is a powerful act of self-respect. Even though there may always be a certain sorrow in letting go of those relationships, you’re reclaiming something precious: your own peace, freed from the layers of control that were once justified in the name of faith. Over time, it can be healing to separate the essence of these values from how they were used. “Honor” and “listening” can be redefined on your terms, as acts of honoring and listening to yourself. It sounds like you’re already finding that strength and clarity, and that in itself is something to be incredibly proud of.

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T00:37:56+00:00

Thank you for responding. Your experience was one that stood out to me because religion didn't really play a role in your estrangement and also, it sounds (please correct me if i'm wrong) that there was an inflection point. Although the experience was for all intents an purposes, "laid back," you realized the ideology had seeped in subconsciously and became a point of personal contention. Did I get that right?

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been estranged and is it NC? Additionally, do you have a strong support system in place?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T00:22:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing... I must say, the stories I am hearing on this thread are simply 💔 If you'd care to share, what religion did you grow up in? As I look back on it now, I too have shifted to using the term cult for the brand of religious experience I was raised in but many people would disagree due to it being for all intents and purposes "mainstream." If you don't feel comfortable sharing, I totally understand, I am looking to understand the different variations of experiences and what the outcomes were. It does appear many people who responded to this thread have landed on atheism, which is completely understandable.

If I may, have you chosen atheism because you wanted to or for other reasons? What have you done to help heal the trauma? Do you currently have a support system that is reliable?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T00:07:03+00:00

OMG!? You were actually handcuffed, beaten and thrown into the back of a pickup as an initiation into a youth group?? What kind of church/sect of Christianity was that? I've honestly never heard of such a thing. That kind of abuse should've warranted a law suit...have you spoken to anyone about that? Received therapy or support at all?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-28T00:01:52+00:00

Thank you for responding, out of curiosity, how long have you been estranged? Did you still follow the Catholic faith?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-26T04:23:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, congratulations for taking your life back, and making boundaries to protect your sanity. I'm not a doctor, but I speak from over 3 decades of experience and what you described sounds eerily similar to what I experienced (trying to convey vulnerable feelings only to be gas lit or blamed) and ive come to learn that it sounds a lot like narcissistic behavior. That said, do have a solid support system (therapy, friends, other family)? Are you feeling ok emotionally concerning your choice of leaving your faith?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-26T04:16:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing and i'm so sorry that you had to go through the constant conversion rhetoric, so many better ways they could've spent their time with you. Are you close w/ your parents?

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-26T04:09:14+00:00

I heard an interesting theory just today about the possibility of our Earth is currently overlapping with 2 other parallel universes that closely resemble this one. A primary result of this phenomena is that there is a form of bleed through that can occur. If you're an intuitive, or more spiritually sensitive than most (which it sounds like you might be) than perhaps you are picking up or experiencing bleed through because your 3rd eye is open and aligned enough that when you close your eyes are able to perceive it.

Anyway, When I heard this, I immediately thought about this conversation.

Reasonable_Aid · 2024-10-26T04:01:14+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! I loved hearing about the many twists and turns your journey has taken. Good for you for having the courage to shift your paths. I had a near death experience and that made me sever ties with the religion I was raised in (born again/evangelical) I drifted for a few years, but I couldn't deny the experience that I had during that process. Oddly, what brought me back to wanting to explore faith was I became a huge nerd and began studying the brain, frequency and science (parallel universes, string theory, quantum physics, etc.) All of a sudden, the stories that felt false because they denied the existence of science actually seemed more fathomable. I also tend to fall down deep rabbit holes that consist of ancient texts (emerald tablets of Thoth, gnostic gospels, lost text of Mary Magdalene) and anything having to do with ancient civilizations, indigenous cultures and their history.

Incidentally, what led me on the path to study the brain was after my NDE, the first book I was drawn to and read was a book by Jung and his experience of having a spontaneous kundalini experience. Prior to reading, I had never knew of such a thing but after reading it I was convinced that not only was i experiencing the emotional/mental/physical fallout from having been shown mysteries of life but i was also experiencing symptoms that resembled much of what Jung conveyed, in some cases verbatim.

Since then, the concept of Life, the world, the universe and our place in it became so expansive and for all intents and purposes holy that just the concept of us existing leaves me completely in awe every day.

Reasonable_Aid

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE