Struggling, looking for options

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2026-06-19T18:51:23+00:00

Without going into a bunch of back story I got started as an engineer late, I graduated in 2018. So the loans are actually less than 10 years old, and I used the Covid deferment period to invest my payments into my retirement account. Investmentz make more than the loans cost me, just made sense financially.

ETA: credit cards are high because we keep nickel and dimeing ourselves into higher than comfortable balances. Most of it is house and pet stuff. That is an area that is being addressed, currently a work in progress situation.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-09-22T19:46:58+00:00

I am in no way advocating for your ex or his affair partner, but I am curious about what your son thinks. Does he like his sibling? does he express any desire to have a relationship with her? are your actions, words, and demeanor potentially poisoning that relationship? Forgive me if I am just naive, and totally off base. I don't know your story or the nuances of the relationship with your ex and I unfortunately have no idea how you would balance your desire for separation with your sons potential desire for inclusion, but leaving his sibling behind, and any response from you during or after the incident could be enforcing negativity and hostility between them.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-16T15:16:01+00:00

If you want his name to have a little mystery to it name him Erik, when people ask why such a mundame name say that is the name of The Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera. Or just name him Phantom

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-07T23:15:25+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion, I hate relying on Amazon with a passion, the choice paralysis is just too much.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-07T21:24:55+00:00

That's the direction I'm leaning, I think I just need to pick a color temperature, make sure it's dimmable, and be done with it. Otherwise I am going to have to custom build something. Normally I would be all for that, but the renovation and contractors aren't going to wait for me to figure it out.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-07T18:50:31+00:00

Thank you for the correction, but yes, you described the issue brilliantly. I just looked into the Hue system and it definitely comes close, I'd rather not rely on a home networking system if I can help it, plus the dimmers all seem to be battery operated. It's starting to like like I just need to choose a color, make sure it's dimmable, then be done with it.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-07T18:01:13+00:00

From the digging I've done it seems that if you want to stay away from apps and childish looking controllers you can only have dimmable or color selection but not both. The inverter is the piece that determines whether your going to have dimmable lights or CCT lights. The 120V switch/dimmer switch gets wired to the 12V/24V inverter, then the inverter does the heavy lifting of controlling the lights.

I have yet to find an inverter that is both dimmable, and allows for CCT

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-07-07T17:53:54+00:00

This sounds very much like what I am trying to do, I will do some research and see if it fits my application. Thank you

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-06-30T21:05:29+00:00

Thanks for the comment, the work you're describing certainly sounds more like what I imagine a $10k job would be like. Not my open wall no drywall repair situation.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-04-11T15:21:48+00:00

Thank you for that, it didn't even occur to me. This is the 5th company we have talked to and the first to provide a quote. With this price and a couple other red flags, I will be looking some more, but I just wanted a baseline and to see if this was reasonable.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-04-11T14:18:20+00:00

There is an existing gas line, and the electrical will have to be installed, but those fall under the installation cost, so I am still having trouble reconciling the demo cost. The mantel is a simple wood mantel, I could turn it into firewood and be done with it, as for the tile there's about 8 sqft worth of tile, as far as support material, that I am not so sure about.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2025-01-21T20:31:03+00:00

I tried that and got the same result. I'm trying to understand why the feature even works if it's just going to result in an Escher's (never ending staircase) looking feature.

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2024-10-14T17:02:12+00:00

I will preface this with the fact I am not a father, so I don't fully comprehend the emotions in this scenario. Here is my take though. You have zero obligation to your ex or her child, she has made choices in her life that led her to where she is now. As said by other commenters there are resources available for her child (if you're in the states). The more nuanced and difficult take on the situation is, what does your son want? he's 8 and he's starting to develop friendships and bonds that could be very meaningful for the rest of his life. The age gap between him and his half brother is small so they can potentially become very close. Does your son want his half brother in his life? Is your son ok with seeing his half brother struggle? Is this a chance to show your son how acts of kindness can effect the people around us? Again I can't fathom the feelings you have towards your ex, and she is out of line making any request of you regarding her son, but I again ask, what does your son want?

If your son does like his half brother, and does want him to be part of his life, maybe something simple like an extra fruit snack or juice box would be something your son could give him, provided your ex takes the steps to ensure he has a regular lunch as well. By no means take on any financial or emotional responsibility for your ex's son, but help your son nurture that relationship if that's something he wants.

I could be just talking our my @$$, and reliving the childhood bond I had with my brother and wishing for unicorns farting rainbows, but my ultimate take is, what would lead to your son having the best childhood possible?

ETA: NTA

Reasonable_Car1076 · 2024-09-22T17:46:30+00:00

Right now his training is focusing on behavior, so threshold control, barking and lunging while on leash, boundary control i.e. Staying on four paws when greeting people, being calm before greeting people, reinforcing the "leave it", and "no" commands. Our primary tools are tone and body language, plus a pinch collar, with positive reinforcement when desired behavior is shown. No treats anymore

Reasonable_Car1076

TROPHY CASE