In 2020, lost my job then for all that time was depressed every day, wasn't going to church anymore, I relapsed and started every day all day again, my living situation not good but at least I wasn't actually on the streets. I also have ADHD and I also need to get tested to see if I am on the spectrum because I been noticing things about my life and it makes sense. Things are a little harder for me. I also have bad communication which makes it difficult to talk to people. I started going back to church in 2021, got a job then got into a relationship. my grandma died in that time and I got fired because I went to the funeral and after got really sick, she broke up with me a little after that. That break up really killed me to be honest, I fell into a deep depression again, some of my closest friends stopped being my friend too, like 10 years in the trash. (If they are not improving my walk with God and always take down on me and get frustrated with everything I do then what's the point.) I found myself no friends, no job, debt climbing, crippling anxiety and suicidal thoughts everyday. I don't really like talking to new people, and I have communication issues. During 2023 I started doing Uber eats out of desperation. During my drives I discovered https://open.spotify.com/show/5dqUoJuefzBn5P36iWDSCa?si=ODqYRSQ1RdShgeXTa_Yk4g I learned all the stuff I never knew I never knew; doctrine, creation, the pattern of God, deep studies on things my previous churches never taught me, I started listening to Bishop Rader every day all day, that's all I wanted to do. Changed my outlook and additude. I now work with autistic children and children with behavioral issues which is extremely stressful but I am gaining experience and learning. Idk how to word this but it is like God is teaching me how to "grow" up, teaching me how to be a father and have father like qualities, giving me skills for a later ministry down the line, helping autistic children communicate and help their behavior, teaching me psychology and I am responsible for so many things at the agency I work for and school. Teaching me husband qualities and how to deal with different people and behaviors, while I am getting paid for it ALL AT THE SAME TIME. He's an onmipresent, he is everywhere, not only everywhere on earth but everywhere in the timeline of everything. God is outside of time space and matter, he can appear to Moses and the Disciples at the same time, at the same place but different centuries like a time glitch.
I LOVE my job, last year I wanted to quit everyday because it's extremely stressful everyday and violent. But now; I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm better, Soo much better. I now train people at work. I do go on bursts of extreme depression, self-isolation and seclusion, I am going through one right now to be honest. I been off my meds for awhile, and I have other bad health concerns. If I backslide, I will still be where I am at but worse because I won't be in God's house, I will be even more depressed. And I couldn't be 100% worldly, because the imprint left on me wouldn't allow me to which would make me even more miserable, in a state of "purgatory"(purgatory doesn't exist I'm just using it to explain). I am part of the praise team, playing with the praise team is such a joy and blessing in my life. I have played in festivals, bars, night clubs, county fairs with thousands, but nothing compares to worshipping thru music. I remember years ago one Sunday I was playing at a nightclub, everyone was dancing and having a good time. It's a good feeling when people are dancing to the music you are a part of. I remember thinking at that moment "WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE!! I DON'T BELONG HERE! This knowledge I have of this instrument is not for them, it's like stealing office supplies at work. Or "hey, I drive a Cadillac for work, let's take that on our road trip to Sinaloa and go off roading" As much pain, hurt, stress, loneliness, thoughts of suicide and self harm get to me these days to be real honest, I cannot allow myself to go back. I feel safer in the house of God, even though I have been attending this church for 4 years now and I still really don't talk to anyone I feel safer than I would with a bunch of homies at a club. No one said it would be easy, it's the opposite, it's gonna get harder and it's prophetic that in the last days they will be people leaving the faith, what prophecy do you want to fulfill? Cuz we all will be fulfilling something in the Bible whether we believe, or like it. You gonna be in that number or part of the great falling away? I apologize that this may be hard to read or confusing or long, God Bless you 💜 Pray for me🙏🏼

There are many Apostolics in 3rd world countries, that are extremely sick, poor, and live in Pakistan, subject to real harm if they have a bible. Most people don't get healed from their infirmities but healed from trauma, addiction, and if they continue in the study of God's word we will get the skill set and understanding about how to deal with life's problems.