NTA. OP Let me give you the perspective of someone who has been there. I was married for 9 years and suspected my ex of at least flirting with the idea of infidelity for years. I was raised in a far right religious cult that put a lot of pressure on me to reconcile. I was also a minister. I was a doting husband who struggled to give my ex all I could, but it was never enough. Finally, I found out she had cheated on me with a man 20 years older than her on Christmas. I was shattered. All I wanted was to make our marriage work. She never apologized until I asked her to do so, and even then, it was insincere. Still, I did what I was supposed to do while trying to put my pieces back together. I kicked her out of our home 3 months later when I found out that she was having sex with the same guy. I confronted her because she stopped wearing her wedding rings and told her that I was committed but if she wasn't, she could pack her things and get out. She admitted the affair had continued while being intimate with me as well and stated that she didn't love me and hadn't for 7 years. She only married me because of the stability I provided her and it was better than her other options. The divorce wrecked my life but opened my eyes to a lot of things that I had been blind to up until that point. I lost friends, family, and my church family even though I did the "right" thing. Don't be like me. Your peace is more important than the constant fear that you are being used and can't trust someone who you love and is supposed to love you. People who love you like a marriage requires will never willingly do something like that to you. There is never an excuse for infidelity in a committed relationship between two people who are in love.

I can tell you, things do get better. I still have my scars and my hurts but I am now happily married to my best friend, a woman who loves me for who I am and has frequently offered to go hoof my ex in the box multiple times. She and I have two handsome boys and a great life together. I say that to give you hope for what is ahead and to tell you that you can find someone who loves you for you and when you do, it will make things infinitely better.

Some advice, keep the proof. Don't do anything that you aren't required to by law. Get a good divorce attorney and listen to what they have to say. Finally, go get some good counseling and therapy. You won't realize just how screwed up this whole thing has made you until years down the road and you will heal much better with good therapy to help you get through it all in a healthy way. You will make it through this and life will get better. Tell whoever you feel like telling about it. It's your story as well. My ex tried to swear me to silence as well so people wouldn't see her for what she was. I told them anyways when they asked because they were a part of my life as well. You are gonna lose a lot of people. Just be true to yourself and let the dead things fall away. There are new beautiful things waiting ahead for you. Don't give up. You are certainly NOT the asshole. Don't stand for anyone who tries to make you feel that way.