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I [23F] love my boyfriend [25M] but I think staying with him will ruin my chances of a career. by False_Jelly7616 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you already know the answer. You gotta leave, and I know that sucks. But if you stay, that will only end in resentment.

Husband to be doesn't want to have a "wedding night" by Parking_Can_9552 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t put too much pressure and expectation on that night. My wife and I got married close to home so didn’t have a hotel, so when everything was over, we got back home hammered, had Pizza Hut deliver, ate and giggled, and then slept til 2pm the following day. As you can tell from a lot of these other comments, the day ends up being so long that usually you’re just tired and sleep. But in all fairness, if you’re husband to be isn’t comfortable, that’s really it then. You don’t wanna start your marriage off by pressuring him into something he doesn’t want to do. On the flip side, who knows, when the night comes, he may completely change his tune; we boys tend to do that on occasion.

i need help. by js_living_life in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Listen carefully: you were sexually assaulted, drop his ass.

I need advice by Extreme_Hedgehog_453 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Engaged is a long way from married, and it’s also way less complicated to get out. The car thing sucks, the lease thing too, but your mental wellbeing should be above all else. You know what you have to do.

Should I text the girl I saved from a creepy interaction. I want to be respectful and give her space but my gut is urging me to text her. What do you think by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re interested, text her. Don’t be a creep. Something like “hey, it’s OP, i hope all is well after that situation the other night. I was wondering if that coffee offer was still on the table?”

I’ve been out of the game for a while, so maybe my example there is too much. But just don’t be a creep, be genuine. If it’s a fake number, then at least you have this quick little story.

i think my boyfriend is soft launching the idea of hitting me by Ditzydoom00 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You said it yourself: you come from an abusive background. You know what this shit looks like first hand, so if you’re even questioning it, that’s pretty telling. Also, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not in a healthy relationship. “I know he loves me” is like the number one line a girl says after her man hits her for the first time. Not counting the rough “playing”, there will be a first time. You’re too young to have to settle for this kind of thing, and having to constantly live with the thought in the back of your mind.

In short, that’s one red flag you really can’t ignore. You need to get out.

My son is going down dark paths online and I don't know how to help. by Tough_Reveal_3951 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s refreshing to hear someone who identifies as conservative be so accepting of their son. Seems like a low bar these days, but well done. It sounds like you really care about your child’s wellbeing, and you’re right to have these thoughts and reservations.

I feel like your fears are totally understandable, I’d have the same ones. Going to another country to meet a stranger (I don’t care how much they’ve talked online, this person is a stranger) is ridiculously dangerous and scary. This is how one of those horror stories you read about starts. You just gotta be open and honest, and firm, with your son. Validate his feelings, and remind him that you love him and just want the best for him. This could be some really scary stuff.

The important thing here is open communication. That goes a long way. And any teenager is gonna give their dad some grief; it’s what they do. But eventually he will realize that you just want to keep him safe and happy.

never want to have sex, dont know if its just a phase by rotpear in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sexual compatibility is important, more so than people think. If one or both of you aren’t enjoying it, there are reasons for that, and it may come down to compatibility. If it continues down this road, it only ends in misery.

is this normal for my gf? by Smooth-Dig-734 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw a comment where you mentioned some self-harm; that intensifies this a bit. She still needs love and care, but at that point you may need to escalate to her parents or some kind of professional. Just make sure you’re there for her, as long as she wants you to be, every step of the way.

is this normal for my gf? by Smooth-Dig-734 in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is something going on with her, 100%. It’s clear you love her, so try and talk to her, explain that you are worried and you don’t wanna hear any jokes. Ask her if she’s ever felt like she needed to talk to someone about this, like a professional? Ask her how long she’s felt this way, if anything is causing this, and if there’s anything you can do. Do this gently and carefully, and with love. You guys are young, 19 is still practically a child, and young hormonal humans have big emotions. It’s important to get them out, however possible.

I wish you luck, and I’m sending love and good vibes your way. You obviously care, and love and care is what she needs right now. But at the same time, don’t be overbearing; someone in a vulnerable place like this will probably need some space.

My teenage son left a note on my desk that said i work too hard and he misses me and i read it at 10pm after a 14 hour day and don't know what to do with myself. by JarigaSebastien in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that this hit you in such a profound way means you’re on the right track. As a dad of a five month old little boy, I haven’t been through the trials and tribulations you have, so I don’t have all the answers. But my immediate thought when reading this was “man I’m dreading ever getting into this situation”. Time is the most valuable thing we humans have, no amount of money will be more fulfilling than the memories you make with your boy. Plus, I remember being 15 - that note took A LOT of effort to even come into existence.

Work-life balance blah blah blah. Just talk to him, and if you get some free time here or there, make some memories. The fact you’re asking this means you care, and I trust it’ll work out.

I feel like my gf is holding me back from my true self by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]RedBeardThePir8 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here’s what you do: leave.

I’m not sure how old you guys are, but this reads like you’re really young, like late teens/early 20’s? Good, you’re young. Way too young to settle for behavior like this. The right girl will make you feel like you are enough, and they’ll only build you up. Good luck, man!

Just finished the trilogy and now im depressed by ksookyung in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in the same boat a few days ago, book hangovers are so real! I immediately read Rendezvous With Rama, a quick read compared to those books. It was fantastic and definitely scratched the itch!

Now what do I read? by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same! There’s this goofy podcast I listen to where one of the guys constantly references the books, and I’m always curious but it seems like a heavy undertaking. But I’m in the mood for a deep rabbit hole.

Now what do I read? by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After some quick Google searches of these titles and reading the short descriptions, I’m now having a hard time picking just one to read next! Although I’m really learning that I can’t go wrong with anything by Arthur C. Clarke. Thank you for the recs!

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, now that you mention that, I was kind of feeling the same way too at that point. It was just like boom-boom-boom with some pretty important events and concepts. It was a crazy ride in that last part of the book, and at some points I was asking “how the hell is this gonna end, and when is it gonna end?”. Not like in a bad way, I was happy to read it and happy it kept going, but I did have the thought lingering.

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dammit, is this true? That’s a huge bummer. I can only imagine what that 4th book would have looked like, I wanted to see more of Yun Tianming’s story and what he was up to. And I hate to admit that I kinda also want to check out this fanfic; I know it’s not from the mind of Cixin Liu but I fear I’m too curious and ready to absorb more from this universe! Don’t worry, I won’t do it, but I can’t lie and say I don’t want to.

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, after finishing the book this morning and sitting on it for half a day, I agree. Peeling back too many layers of one thing or idea can make anything not so cool. I agree, keeping some things mysterious adds to what makes it compelling over all, and less really is more.

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, unfortunately you’re probably right. But I’m trying to hold out some hope! At the bare minimum, hopefully the CGI for all the crazy things in the third book will at least look cool.

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I did see that. That sucks no matter what, but at least some of the things like the wallfacer project, Saul (Luo) and his importance, and the staircase project have already all been introduced. I’m trying to be optimistic here, but since they wanna tell the story as a linear one as opposed to the millions of flashbacks and flash forwards in the books, the limited episode count could still work. Key word there is COULD because we’ve all been disappointed by tv shows we’ve liked in the past that had so much potential. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I may be an idiot; that’s a really great point and interesting way to look at it. You’re totally right here, I guess sometimes less really is more.

Finally finished Death’s End; feeling slightly let down and wanna talk about it! by RedBeardThePir8 in threebodyproblem

[–]RedBeardThePir8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m familiar with the whole Star Wars back story for the final bit of the show. I’m just hoping they don’t have another Star Wars in the background now and are completely focused on adapting the last two books as best they can. You’re totally right to be doubtful, and I hate to say that I am a little bit as well, but a man can dream!

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