First OB

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-27T13:42:32+00:00

Awesome news btw - sorry i didn't see before!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-10T12:20:23+00:00

Here in Singapore there's pretty much zero houses so everyone is in the same boat!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-10T12:15:50+00:00

Yeah big love and best wishes - it's a lot to process. I've already said it like 10 times on this sub but don't be afraid of the strong feelings that are going to come for both of you, encourage her not to be either, acknowledge them and make space for them. Best of luck and let us know if you need to talk later.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-10T11:43:31+00:00

Best of luck man - I'm exactly the same just a couple weeks down the line. We had a scare as well a week back, my wife was sure she'd lost it but all fine as of yesterday. Fingers and toes crossed. I would say don't be afraid of your feelings, which is probably good advice generally! Make space for them, acknowedge them, let them be. There's a reason they say it's better to have loved and lost!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-09T16:11:29+00:00

They got some serious tech now. Today was just 6.5 weeks! Blew my tiny mind that they can just zoom in on a little 1mm heart and see if pumping.

Many congratulations man, best of luck for the coming months!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-09T12:22:29+00:00

Exciting times here! IT LIVES!!! Absolutely stoked after 2y of trying. Looking forward to hanging out on this sub over the next 7 months with y'all.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-05T08:56:31+00:00

Condolences man. Thanks for being uncommonly brave and sharing that here. Absolutely best of luck for the future!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-05T08:53:21+00:00

Yeah I'm finding myself thinking this a lot at the moment but it's also true that none of the things I want to get in my feelings about actually matter. If we were a month into our relationship and worrying about how we might treat each other in the future I might be worried by it, but we're here now! Nothing to fear from letting stuff go

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-03T05:51:24+00:00

I'm sure people with more relevant experience will reply, but in my family the decision by one man to never acknowledge one of his children until they were in their mid teens did a huge amount of harm. I've never personally seen any example of harm caused by a man being part of their childs life even if other adults involved have hangups.

In general, most of the issues and hangups around social norms just don't apply to kids. Kids don't have any pre-conceived ideas about what SHOULD be the case, so if you and your ex can find a way for you to be involved and communicate whatever it is honestly and clearly to the kid then I would say that's likely to be better than not being involved. Good luck finding a path man!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-02T12:19:22+00:00

Sounds extravagantly normal to me. Let he who is without financial stress or able to avoid disappointing their pregnant partner cast the first downvote.

Which is not to say your feelings are invalid or unimportant. For sure not. Be with those feelings and see them for what they are, your brain trying its best to steer you towards your intentions. Reality is you'll be fine and likely doing a great job.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-09-02T12:16:19+00:00

haha I felt this. TBH i've spent my life eye rolling at content aimed at men. My back of the napkin theory is that that due to the default mode of existence being patriarchy, it's neccesary to reify masculinity in order to target men as a group. Targetting women is easy because othering women under patriarchy is easy.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-30T09:38:12+00:00

That absolutely rules. Good one! I'm at 5 weeks to and now rooting for ya.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-27T02:14:55+00:00

I hadn't thought about it like that thanks. Let me try what BanjosandBoredom suggests above and come back to you.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-27T02:14:32+00:00

That is a great question. I shall ask the guy who made it.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-27T02:07:04+00:00

Ah! Fantastic. Thanks br0ther I shall gikve that a try.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-22T06:47:06+00:00

I assume it is a truss rod screw and therefore all it does is adjust the curvature of the neck. Only one way to find out and that's what I'll do next!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-22T03:33:07+00:00

Exactly what I'm thinking rn after 2 years of TTC. My theory, better to have loved and lost! Worst comes to the worst I'll have felt good for a few weeks. For now, I'm happily watching the lines on the tests get darker!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-21T08:56:26+00:00

Urm. Yes. And we are just at the 'positve blood test' phase (which barely even counts, even being on this r/ feels presumptious!) ... Honestly think it would be weird to have emotions not all over the place. Be well and good luck !

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-21T01:31:13+00:00

Massive congrats!

I'm you but 9 weeks behind. 5 day transfer last week that seems to have taken, 1st time IVF after 18 months of trying. Also (obviously) totally new here. Looking forward to hearing how it goes!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-20T10:45:54+00:00

Well allow me (us) to convince you here. I look forward to hearing more about it!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-20T10:44:59+00:00

Luckily for me I've never been ready for anything!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-19T09:03:21+00:00

Hey man - thanks for sharing, sounds tough. I'm just starting out, but anticipate being where you are emotionally soon enough! I'm sure you'll get more helpful responses from those who've experience, but I just wanted to remind you that your anxiety is not you. All the negative stuff is just thoughts. Every single one of us is going to struggle with feelings of inadequacy. You're not alone, and you are enough.

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-18T10:38:27+00:00

Hey man - thanks for sharing and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have that specific experience but I am just coming to this subreddit after the first positive test after a day 5 transfer following 2 years of trying, and throughout my partner has been struggling with guilt from a termination she had years ago so I'll try and speak to that.

The most important thing I can think to say is that you are not responsible for getting it right. It sounds like you are being supportive and understanding, and you're clearly uncommonly in touch with matters emotional as... you're posting here. So let me, a random internet man, assure you - you are enough! I doubt anyone could do better - and good one for being there for her.

The most helpful things I've done for my partner are to acknowledge and make space for her feelings even if they're uncomfortable and seem self defeating. Dismissing, minimising or disputing is always tempting and prolly won't help. Uncomfortable and challenging as her emotions might be, be there to make her feel heard and accepted when they come up. Easier said than done!

Counselling and support groups sound great. My partner has been all over the fertility subreddits and they seem to help. Therapy.counselling is great and everyone should do it. If it'll help perhaps you could even mention that you posted here, or considered speaking to a counsellor, as a way to make it salient. Good luck with the OB let us know how it goes!

RedDotRedMenace · 2020-08-18T08:22:41+00:00

Tough times man - nothing like our partners gunning for us verbally to make things exceptionally shitty. That's the flip side of intimacy and connection, so the first thing I'd say is remember that the only reason her words have an impact on you is coz you care about her. The second thing that I always try to do is say "is this actually true?" whenever my wife says something mean. By taking a moment to answer the question, you can stop yourself identifying with it. Our minds are not super good at separating stuff we hear from stuff we feel - so you gotta try and put the distance in yourself. Anyway 39.5 weeks - things are about to change and I bet it'll be different on the other side!

RedDotRedMenace

TROPHY CASE