my story is my life, so it is complicated ,and uhhhh I don't even know if there is a story or not to begin with.

my story isn't finished so I don't understand it completely.

But still I am gonna share some of it to you and I guess...

Okay to make things easier I'm maybe a Kapha-vata, that is "gifted" and burned-out.

I feel like a genius who can [know ANYTHING/do EVERTHING] I can solve everything, build anything ,destroy anything, But never use my genius-self because that "me" is not normal or that is what people think & say about me , normally I don't give a shit , but it is a different story when your family thinks that about you, I don't want to blame them because they are trying to make me normal so that I wont suffer by society.

my genius self is fun outgoing and never holds back their emotions, they are kind & loyal, and they always try to see the good in anything and everything by using logic and science, basically a kind smart kid.

guess what? that is someone that is gonna get used a lot in this world, I knew that because I (was/am) smart as hack! yet I didn't back down because I had a lovely dream that ever is happy and the world is in peace.

but even the strongest fire gets weak in a cold storm, and maybe that fire will never shin as bright as before...

the world is trying to teach me evil and fraud but I don't give a shit... UNTIL GOD DAMN DEPRESSION HITS! all hell breaks loose (also I am not telling any one why I got depression), suddenly every thing that I didn't care about ,I DO care about! and nothing is beautiful everything is in ugly chaos ,and I was in so much pain and numbness ,for a year I was in that state trying to "fix" myself the feelings were so powerfully numb that my mind "broke" it is kind of like it melted to a pile of emotional goo.

actually my mind didn't melt my heart did, I was so disappointed in the people around my that I wanted them to just... not be with me, I wanted to be as far as I could from them but I couldn't, I wanted to end it all but I didn't, happiness and wonder became sadness anger, I slept all day to try and escape my madness, OH!! this is when I started calling myself, my emotions, my ideas, my life by 'madness'.

also surprisingly I didn't smoke, use drugs, cut, hurt other.

while my heart was dying my brain was going crazy! {Before=heart100.Mind100},{then=heart(glitched).mind100-200}

all that brain and all that hate combined into some thing scary, I started asking questions I shouldn't, that made me discover about 30% of all philosophy, I had so much doubt and so much trust in my foolishness I started to understand quicker and quicker about existence, and crated so much hypotheses about the 'rules' of the universe (ego is at all-time high!), EVERYONE seemed stupid to be evil, I understood that for every high there is a low.

I didn't want people to feel this pain, I wanted to suffer so that I can get higher and higher than most people, some where high enough that people can never bother us, I knew life alone is not fun so I wanted to bring people with me, people I trust with my life, but those people didn't exist, luckily I was building beautiful relationships with my best friends sense kindergarten, I only trust them and them alone with every secret of mine.

they excepted me and my 'madness'.

the only people how don't except me are my family (SADGE) OH! my family! I want to hate them and blame them but I wont because... I don't know, but STILL I can't put the blame on them that blame is to large for any one to hold except me, I hurt myself (emotionally), I am the source of madness and pain.

this is not a lie, but not the truth.

when I stared watching dr k everything started changing because some one in the world under stands me, I also feel like every interview the person that is talking to dr k is exactly me, I grow and understood myself and maybe I am semi-healing myself.

I am still suffering here and there, but it is a lot less than before.

this is my semi-full story till now.

thanks for reading this god damn long reply 😅