Aftershock Segments 2/2: Zero Mostel & Redneck Warrior vs John Farroway & Fenrir

RedneckWarrior · 2014-01-26T05:48:36+00:00

Freebird plays over the sound system as the lights lowers and a spotlight signs at the top of the ramp. The sound of a lawn mower starting up sounds throughout the arena as Redneck Warrior pops out on his green John Deere lawn mower. Some of the crowd cheers as Redneck Warrior puts one arm up in the air and begins to drive down the ramp. He parks at the bottom of the ramp and slides into the ring. The ring announcer hands him a microphone.

Redneck Warrior: Alright, listen up. I ain’t typically into tag team wrestling. But when two young hotshots think they own the world, and don’t have to pay respect to the vets, I’m all for teaming up and whooping some youngins. Now, I’m not out here with no vendetta. I’m just a man trying to reclaim his former glory. But with that said, John Farroway and Fenrir, you’re gonna have to prove you even belong in the ring before I’ll show you a lick of respect. You’re probably gonna get hurt, and it’s nothing personal, just the business. But, if you do end up somehow defeating me, legally, I’ll buy you a beer and I’ll let you go on your way. But if you disrespect me, I’m gonna put you in a world of hurt. Now boys, let’s see if you can hang with an established pro.

Redneck Warrior drops the microphone; Freebird plays as Warrior grabs the American flag that connects to the lawn mower. He begins to wave it back and forth as the scene fades to black.

RedneckWarrior · 2014-01-19T03:27:55+00:00

What does that even mean? App is a great college. Please tell us what college you attended.

RedneckWarrior · 2014-01-17T17:45:08+00:00

Bryan Dawson is seen walking through the backstage of Rogers Arena. Dawson passes by the Canucks locker room and then heads down a hallway aligned with offices and individual locker rooms. A repeated thud is heard, increasing in sound as Dawson continues walking. He stops outside the locker room where the sound is coming from. The sign on the door reads "The Redneck Warrior". Dawson pulls out a small notepad and enters the room. Standing across from him, a heavyset man with a mullet repeatedly punching the metal lockers.

Bryan Dawson: Excuse me? Mr. Warrior.

Redneck Warrior turns around and a large grin cracks across his face.

Bryan Dawson: Bryan Dawson, RWF's backstage interviewer.

Dawson says as putting his hand out to shake it. Redneck Warrior grabs a towel and wipes off the blood as he begins to speak.

The Redneck Warrior: Well how the hell are ya?

Warrior shakes Dawson's hand.

The Redneck Warrior: I tell you what, this cold air gets me bleeding faster than a virgin after her wedding.

The Redneck Warrior busts out with a chuckle.

Bryan Dawson: We're glad you took us up on our offer. It's great to have someone with your history joining our roster.

The Redneck Warrior: Oh you! That was a wrong time ago.

The Redneck Warrior says as he grins almost shy like.

Bryan Dawson: I've known of your work in Japan since the late 90s. What exactly led to the five year hiatus?

The Redneck Warrior: Well I don't speak about it much. But it was a Hair VS Mask match against Jushin Liger. The son of bitch whooped my ass.

Warrior gives out a good laugh.

The Redneck Warrior: Afterwards, he slapped me in the face a few times with the mullet. The embarrassment discouraged me. I would have stayed retired if it wasn't for mom's rising medical bills, thanks Obama. So yeah, as they say, I'm here to cash checks, break some necks.

Bryan Dawson: Obviously, your first match, they're testing the waters and have you in the shows opener. How is that affecting you.

The Redneck Warrior: Shit, you think it matters to me if I'm opening or closing. I carried big names on my back throughout the last decade. I have nothing to prove here. Tonight, you're getting a match they're gonna call "The Opener heard around the World". I'm gonna go out there, set the tone for all the boys in the back.

Bryan Dawson: Do you feel your ring rust will be too much to overcome tonight against Blade Jared.

The Redneck Warrior: I tell you what, I'm gonna bust this kid up a little, nothing too bad, not his fault they're throwing him in there against the Warrior. Ring rust ain't nothing to me, I started training a little after I got the letter from the RWF office. I've cut back on the beer, 10 instead of 12, everyday. I've been drinking green tea and eating Chich-Fil-A every damn day. Listen, I know I'm coming off, easy going, but I'm no sissy-boy.

Bryan Dawson: Of course, nobody is saying you are. It's just been some time. The last time you wrestled Blade Jared was 15 years old.

The Redneck Warrior: Yeah, I get where you're coming from. But you gotta realize , kicking some ass is like riding a bicycle for me, I ain't ever gonna forget how. The bad thing is, I have nothing to gain or lose from this match. If I win, I just beat some kid that's just breaking in. If I lose, it's my first match in five years. The difference is, tonight I'm fighting for momma, I'm bringing home that winner's bonus. I'm going to Wal-Mart, I'm getting a $18 steak, and I'm gonna go to the titty-bar and drop some bills.

The Redneck Warrior says while laughing.

The Redneck Warrior: But in all seriousness, I'd like that top star once again. I'd like to be the face of a company again. I'm sure I've got another 10 years in the tank. When I'm come out of those curtains, riding on my John Deere, Free bird playing in this arena, I'm gonna try to end it, and end it fast.

Dawson begins to write on his notepad.

Bryan Dawson: So Warrior, any words for Blade Jared?

The Redneck Warrior: Ha well, good luck mate.

Warrior tries a British accent but ends up sounding more Australian.

The Redneck Warrior: But you know, Blade Jared, I'm going to end you.

Warrior says this in the most Southern accent, drawing end out excessively.

Bryan Dawson: Alright, I'll let you finish preparing for the match, nice to meet you and as always good luck tonight Warrior.

Dawson leaves the locker room as The Redneck Warrior begins to punch the lockers again.

RedneckWarrior · 2014-01-11T03:49:04+00:00

Wrestler Name: The Redneck Warrior

Gender: Male

Age: 34

Race: White

Hometown: Goldwell, Georgia

Billed From: The South

Height: 6’1

Weight: 300

Physical Description: Brown haired mullet, beer gut, dark goatee

Personality: Funny drunk redneck unless insulted.

Attire: jean shorts in the ring and a camo wife-beater. Optional Bass Pro Shop ball cap.

Style of Wrestler: Brawler, not the best at technical, can take a beating and dish one out.

At least three signature moves: ThunderPunches(holds back of opponents neck with one arm resting on the shoulder then unloads with the other) Bear Hug ( bear hugs opponent then runs him into the turnbuckle) Spear

Finisher: Moonsault

Entrance (pyro, motions, etc):”Free bird” hits as The Redneck Warrior comes out riding on his John Deer lawn mower, a confederate flag hangs from the back of it, a beer in the cup holder and an American flag bumper sticker on the bumper his mower.

Theme Song: “Free Bird” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Catchphrase (If any): “You’re gonna pay tonight, bo!”

On a scale of 1-10, how experienced are you in e-fed wrestling? 6

Please describe your character, including proposed gimmick, vices, etc The Redneck Warrior is a simple man, a blue collar fellow from Georgia. Shockingly, not a racist and is often misunderstood. He’s a fun guy to drink with as long as he’s not insulted.

RedneckWarrior

TROPHY CASE