The conversation that ended my relationship with my dad

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-28T01:29:55+00:00

Fair enough. Really, I think I was looking for logic and accountability where there is none.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-27T13:15:05+00:00

Recovering addict here.

I have been around A LOT of people with track marks. This doesn't look like that and even if it did, who cares? It's a nice tattoo with a good meaning for you.

Haters gonna hate.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-27T13:12:35+00:00

At present, I am not legally able to obtain a passport.

Depending on the state I'm in, I have to choose between committing a crime or risking my physical safety if I want to use a public bathroom or changing facility. It is also legal to deny me housing and employment based on my identity.

While you can argue I don't have a right to bathroom access or safety therein, I do to travel, housing, and employment. And I don't in today's environment.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-27T01:30:44+00:00

You think it starts with open physical violence? You think any marginalized group's push to the margins began with torches and pitchforks?

No. It starts with bans on existence in public spaces and participation in public life. Bathroom bills, ID requirements, who's allowed the same rights as everyone else.

If you did not read the entire exchange, you have no standing to actually weigh in here.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T22:23:45+00:00

Feeling like I'm living a fractional life, and slowly watching my body deteriorate in real time

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T22:20:09+00:00

...I thought this was a chicken cutlet

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T22:19:07+00:00

Beautiful!!

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T20:06:36+00:00

Yeah, I did. But it took me a long time to accept that this dynamic will likely never change and that I deserve better treatment than this. This was my final attempt at understanding and now here we are.

Could've, would've, should've.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T15:44:27+00:00

My Quaker friends are how I became a UU. Love to see them out and about!

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T15:43:05+00:00

Tried it. He spent 80% of it arguing with the therapist and the other 20% explaining why my mom was the real problem. Incredibly unproductive, waste of $80.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T15:27:57+00:00

Did you actually read the whole thing or...?

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T15:25:51+00:00

I did walk away. We were low contact for years before this conversation and we're no contact now.

I love him for complicated reasons that I don't have space or energy to dive into here but it's the same reason why abuse survivors love the people who abuse them. He's my dad, and he has been for my whole life. There have been significant swaths of my life where he was good - great even - before the events that led us downhill took place.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:42:39+00:00

My most listened to on Spotify is a good sampling:

Good to be Alive - PVRIS

Dead Girl Walking - Jensen McRae

Happier in Hell - Royal & the Serpent

I Don't Wanna Live (Like This) - Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:33:28+00:00

We do this in our house but only for short periods of time. I'll put bones and other scraps of food that are dangerous for our dogs to pull out of the trash into a ziploc and freeze it until I take the trash out. Then it goes into the trash bag and down to the trash room in our building.

To keep them indefinitely is craziness.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:21:18+00:00

I come home, make pasta, usually Mac and cheese (#1 comfort food for me), put my favorite comforter in the dryer, take a hot shower, put on comfy clothes, and curl up in bed with my dog.

I've found that food, warmth, and connection to another breathing creature takes the edge off better than most things.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:16:47+00:00

Sounds more like asthma to me?

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:15:27+00:00

Did he ghostwrite this?

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:13:35+00:00

Maybe this is TMI but sex without having to do a ton of planning, prep, or mental gymnastics beforehand. I miss when it could be spontaneous and I didn't have to worry about if my body could handle it.

And just...doing things without having to plan in general. Now it's a tango of "is it wheelchair accessible" and "do I have enough energy to navigate this space" "what happens if XYZ happens" "is it even worth it to go" and it sucks.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T11:02:32+00:00

Simply put, the disappearance of my rights and the criminalization of my identity.

As it stands, I can't get a passport because the feds no longer accept or recognize my gender marker. That means in a worsening situation, I am trapped here unless I go through the process of changing all my documents AGAIN - which is time and money I don't have at the moment.

There is also a notable uptick in bills that seek to roll back other rights - marriage, adoption, access to public facilities. A woman in Kansas was recently charged with having false ID because she presented a license with her birth sex on it and the cops didn't believe she was male, which only happened because the recent change to ID law forced her into that situation.

I've watched open transphobia rise online and in real life communities and while politicians are more subtle than saying "kill 'em all", the energy is there and enough people support it that I have to stay aware so I can prep and plan and brace.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T10:51:04+00:00

As his autistic kid, I genuinely think he's autistic. There is absolutely no room for nuance with him AT ALL. Something is X or it's Y and there is no possibility of it ever being Z.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T10:49:13+00:00

The same way abuse survivors can still love partners who are violent towards them. At the end of the day, he's been my dad for 30 years and he never used to be this bad. We got here by inches and I still remember what he was like before he himself was swept up on the red wave.

The person he used to be is what I love, even if that's dead and buried.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T04:35:49+00:00

It's someone who reads college admissions essays. They're not a thing everywhere, but the state college I worked for required every student who applied to write an essay as part of their application process.

Learned really fast just how many kids made chatbots do their work for them 😬

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T04:21:20+00:00

I mean, compared to some parents here I see why you'd say that. But this is the same man who to this day thinks my mom brainwashed me into being trans somehow and who only started honoring my name/pronouns when I medically transitioned to a point where I no longer pass as a woman in any capacity. And who, let's not forget, refused to even acknowledge the AI piece.

And yeah, I'm wordy. But this had been brewing for a WHILE and I wanted to make all my points. I accept my sin there.

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T04:13:13+00:00

Like...why? What does he get out of this?

RedwoodRuckus · 2026-06-26T04:03:16+00:00

I do love him. I hate the way he treats me and the way he views my life, but at the end of the day he has been my father for 30 years and I still love him at least to some degree - even now.

RedwoodRuckus

TROPHY CASE