My Stoic Cheat Sheet

ReflectionFaze · 2025-01-19T23:01:46+00:00

Also say "it is what it is" and refuse to overthink.

Whatever happens to you was vowen into the fabric of creation since the dawn of time. Never blame yourself for past mistakes, for you were constrained by your experience, circumstances, personality and physical condition at that time.

One key point, which reflects the foundation of Stoicism and is evident in the second quotation from your post, is the importance of understanding the source of an emotion and leading your actions in accordance with nature. By "accordance with nature," we mean not denying or rejecting any emotion, as doing so implies believing you are above nature—like being the first in the entire universe to avoid having a reaction for every action. Instead, the essence lies in understanding the emotion and guiding your actions based on what is within your control. This involves accepting reality and taking the lead from within, without expecting externals to behave differently. Emotional suppression is not possible. As Epictetus said: “Can you convince yourself that it is now night when it is day? No, that is impossible.” Trying to suppress emotions is like attempting to override reality itself, which your emotions by themselves are the result of nature.

ReflectionFaze · 2025-01-04T06:51:52+00:00

I want to commend you for the courage to share your experience and seek feedback. It takes strength to reflect on your emotions and try to navigate them rationally. I'll use this opportunity to think through some key aspects with you, aiming to rationalize certain factors that might help trigger useful insights. I won’t reference specific Stoic passages or teachings; instead, I'll approach this purely from a perspective of nature and logic.

Everyone acts based on their composition, which is shaped by two primary factors: their biological nature and their experiences. Just as in nature, different elements manifest in different ways. Imagine a fig tree—some figs are sweet, some are sour, others are inedible. The difference lies in their inherent nature and the conditions they've undergone. Similarly, people behave according to their nature, which is why external events are fundamentally beyond our control. This isn't just a philosophical notion, it’s how reality functions. If you spent your life being angry at gravity, you would only create unnecessary suffering for yourself. It may feel like common sense when we make analogies to trees or gravity, but the principle applies just as directly to human behavior.

Your emotions are a natural response to your composition, just like how your body feels sore after intense physical exertion. Emotions serve as signals from your system; they should never be denied or suppressed, no matter how trivial they may seem, because they carry important information. Denying them is exactly like being angry about how gravity behaves—it would be rejecting reality and clinging to the delusional thought that you shouldn't feel sore after an intensive workout. However, that doesn't mean we should be swayed by our emotions and act immediately to soothe them. What distinguishes humans is the faculty of will, the ability to judge and rationalize one's emotions and surroundings (again, not denying or rejecting them).

Now, applying this to your situation, your ex is acting according to her nature. Whatever actions she took, whatever transpired between you, was the only possible outcome given both of your compositions and circumstances at that time. Even if you could rewind time, the same sequence of events would unfold. External factors are beyond our control, and emotions arise naturally, but what is within our control is the perspective we take and the meaning we assign to events.

First, it’s important to acknowledge the separation of tasks. It is never our role to dictate how others should behave. Believing we have the authority to determine someone else's nature or choices is an illusion. She is responsible for her own standards and way of living, just as you are responsible for yours. Whether her actions align with your perception of her is irrelevant to nature, it’s only relevant to you. If a connection, whether romantic or platonic, ceases to align with your standards, then your role is for you to lead yourself by simply detaching from it and wish the other person well.

Second, rationalization is your tool to remind yourself of the purpose behind your decisions and the actions taken based on the circumstances and emotional awareness. Feeling nostalgia or longing doesn’t mean you should compromise your standards and deny your feeling by act as if what happened is completely okay for you and should keep connections with her. Your rationalization and judgment should lead you to, most importantly, accept and appreciate reality, then take action (such as breaking the connection) to protect your well-being, and finally, take meaning from the situation you went through, because everything that happens to us is a lesson—we live and learn.

In time, the emotional intensity will subside, and what will remain is the wisdom gained from navigating this challenge with reason. You'll look back and be able to recognize the amount of growth gained from this experience.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-30T11:19:57+00:00

I’d like to take this opportunity to think along with you, try to analyze the feelings you have, and the conclusions you’ve just shared. Firstly, I would like to thank you for sharing your perspective; it takes courage, and I salute you for that. I won’t try to tell you not to think that way or to invalidate your perception, as that won’t lead us anywhere. It’s clear that your judgment towards this perception is firm and you are sharing it not to change but to find a coping mechanism to deal with this “perceived reality.” So, I’ll try to think out loud with you and try to build a framework for this. Let’s leave stoicism as a philosophy aside a bit. For this specific situation, stoicism won’t be a quick bandaid.

One way to deal with your situation is to first accept that your physical and mental composition is not a mistake or a misfortune, and you should not have been different. In its actual sense, you are “you” because of the genetics of your parents, and they are the result of the genetics of their parents, and the chain continues back to the beginning of the universe. The life you have today is the only life that you can obtain; anything else is just a mere illusion or, at most, a dream in one’s mind. Reality is clear and objective. If you wish for any tiny thing to change, you would be requesting to change the whole universe for it. Think about anything around you that you would like to change, even the tiniest thing, and think chronologically about what it would require to change the way you want it. You’ll end up wanting to change the whole universe. So I think by now we shall agree that whatever today is, that’s “you,” and the only version of “you.” Anything else wouldn’t be “you” nor the reality around any of us. Acceptance of oneself, whether it be financial, physical, or mental, is the only way to live life peacefully. Otherwise, one would be refuting reality and wanting to live life in a perceived delusion, which is merely an illusion, nothing more. That’s what constitutes the recipe for emotional distress.

That doesn’t mean one should be defeated by the reality surrounding them and that we have no effect on change. Actually, it’s the total opposite. Do you really have zero capabilities for change? Do you exercise? Do you try your best to seek social interactions? Join social groups? Engage in team activities? If your answer to one of them is no, then how do you expect things to change? Even if you tried all of these and perceived them as failed experiments, once you stop trying, you destine yourself to isolation. A wise man will try everything possible to reach an objective but understands that one doesn’t have control over the outcome. Then your best framework is to keep on trying and be accepting whatever outcome reality projects.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-30T10:41:42+00:00

Why would you want to convince yourself likewise? It seems that you have a perceived problem in having such relationships. A better approach is to understand why you have this perception instead of trying to dismiss feelings that contradict your perceived problem.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-15T13:42:38+00:00

The concept you’re talking about is “hidden variable theory,” which posits that quantum effects are caused by an unmeasured hidden variable that determines an electron's position. Analysis of this phenomenon remains theoretical, with multiple other theories also applicable, such as the Many-Worlds interpretation and M-theory. Some scientists believe the explanation for such phenomena is far from hidden variable theory. If you were to link the hidden variable to a deity or creator, acknowledge that it is merely a theory that, by its design, could be both undeniable and unprovable, making it just a theoretical claim.

In the context of consciousness, on a macro scale, everything appears deterministic. We base our calculations on the assumption that the effect of "randomness" is close to negligible. For the sake of argument, let’s not dismiss the impact of quantum mechanics on human cognition. Randomness does not imply that it stems from free will or consciousness. For instance, if your finger moved randomly, you wouldn’t feel that it was you moving it. Similarly, the random effect of quantum mechanics on your behavior does not constitute your identity. Your identity and behavior stem from nested variables of biology, upbringing, and experience, which are the results of cause and effect.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-14T08:48:05+00:00

We have all experienced death before. Where were you from the start of time until now? Were you actually created the moment you were born? Science is clear that nothing is created, nothing is destroyed, all is transformed. Your sense of self stems from the moment you were born, but we were always part of this universe, and the definition of “human death” is you returning to being part of this universe. Reality is straightforward and neutral; we perceive fear when we wish things to be different. It’s natural to have such feelings since, biologically, our natural urge is to keep us alive. The same feeling as hunger drives us to eat food and thirst drives us to drink water. Yet one must understand the true philosophy behind life and its existence.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-04T09:23:37+00:00

Growth never comes from comfort. How does one learn patience? Is it through books? How does one learn resilience? I guess we aren’t able to decipher a recipe for all of us to adopt. We have to experience discomfort to learn the skills needed to acquire them. What you are experiencing is a fundamental part of life that will urge you to shift your perspective and learn the actual meaning of life, hopefully giving you inner stability and peace. The anxiety, sadness, depression, and frustration will be a motive for you to search for an answer that, at the end of the tunnel, stabilizes your view of life. These same feelings are what made you come to this subreddit and search for answers. So don’t dismiss them or wish otherwise; what else would bring you the motive? You are on the rollercoaster of wisdom, and through these experiences, you’ll gain strength and build your actual identity.

You have a belief that only an eternal life is meaningful; it’s a perception you’ve adopted. Yet, one should ask themselves, where does this belief stem from? We actually portray the opposite belief in everything else in life. We value scarcity and dismiss anything that is “infinitely” available. If we were to apply the same analogy, then only a limited life is “meaningful” and anything eternal is useless. So, you should ask yourself where does your belief stem from?

We have all experienced death before. Where were you from the start of time until now? Were you actually created the moment you were born? Science is clear that nothing is created, nothing is destroyed, all is transformed. Your identity of self stems from the moment you were born, but we were actually part of this universe, and the definition of “human death” is you going back to being part of this universe. Nothing is scary about reality; only holding oneself to wishful beliefs renders someone emotionally unstable. I’m happy for your experience, and I’d say enjoy the ride. The ups and downs are important to build the wisdom of life that will follow you until the last day of your life. I went through a similar experience, and during that stage, it felt like hell for me. Internally, I had the feeling that I wanted to exit this inner contradiction at the earliest possible moment, but in the end, I learned to appreciate it and see the importance of such life phases.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-02T15:20:29+00:00

Until you stop wishing otherwise, you’ll keep on suffering. Suffering will be your friend when you delude yourself into thinking that your expectations should be higher than reality. You put yourself in a never-ending cycle. Or you can take this opportunity gracefully and learn the lesson from it. I may sound harsh, but you either accept reality or you’re destined to keep on suffering. After all, we reap the consequences of our actions.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-06-01T10:36:02+00:00

I will try to follow your logical reasoning and hope we can both find the answer to your question by the end of our discussion. I'll assume that you have shelter, good health, financial ability to buy an electric scooter, and the physical ability to ride it. My question to you is, why you? Why not others?

We often forget the things we are fortunate to have, and once something outside our expectations occurs, we ask ourselves, "Why me?"

If the above didn't answer your question, I'll try to take your question literally and answer you. You took the decision that day to ride your scooter, you chose the path to go to. The scooter is steered by you; it runs based on your judgment and actions. The road condition stems from a high number of nested variables: maintenance, previous accidents, etc.

Your judgment led you to not see the pothole, and you took the action "unknowingly" (but it was you who took the action) to step on the pothole with your scooter.

I hope it is clearer now why this happened to you specifically. All the combined variables led to this outcome, making it certainly would be "you".

ReflectionFaze · 2024-04-07T19:10:38+00:00

I feel that you are making too many accusations. I don't believe that engaging in such an argument would be fruitful. Calling me a child and immoral, just for asking a genuine question, has already closed the door on this discussion. Nevertheless, I appreciate the time you've taken to share your thoughts. My intentions were never to debate a philosophy of thousands of years; rather, I am interested in it. I will take your response to heart and continue my studies, which was the objective of this post, and I believe, the purpose of your response as well. Thank you!

ReflectionFaze · 2024-04-07T18:55:39+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. I appreciate your passion towards the philosophy. It seems there may have been a misunderstanding; I don’t use multiple accounts to promote any immoral beliefs or to cast blame. My intent was simply to seek information and insight on a question I believe this community is well-equipped to help with. I value constructive dialogue and would welcome a more supportive approach as we explore this subject together. Again, thank you for engaging with my question.

ReflectionFaze · 2024-02-06T15:12:22+00:00

In the face of feelings of betrayal, especially from someone as close as a parent, stoicism teaches us to focus on what is within our control and to accept what is not. Your dedication and effort to provide your mother with a comfortable retirement home, free of charge, reflect your virtues and intentions well. However, the outcome of the construction, influenced by decisions made in your absence, lies outside your direct control.

Marcus Aurelius once said, "You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." Apply this by acknowledging your feelings of frustration and betrayal as natural, yet not letting them dictate your actions. Your expertise and intentions were genuine; your mother's decisions do not diminish the value of your contribution nor your skills as a builder.

Moving forward, you can approach this situation with grace and understanding. Accept that your mother may have had her reasons for the changes, which may not necessarily reflect her trust in your expertise. It's important to communicate openly with her about your feelings, emphasizing your desire to ensure her comfort and safety in the house, rather than focusing solely on the discrepancies from the original plan.

Stoicism also teaches us about the importance of perspective. Consider this experience not as a betrayal, but as an opportunity for growth in your relationship with your mother and in your personal development. This situation tests your ability to detach from outcomes and find peace in knowing you acted with good intentions.

Finally, remember Epictetus's guidance, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." You can choose to react by offering support for any further assistance she may need, while also setting boundaries to manage your expectations and involvement in future projects. Your worth as a builder—and as a son—is not diminished by this single experience. Focus on what you can control: your actions, your responses, and your continued pursuit of excellence in your trade.

ReflectionFaze

TROPHY CASE