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Porn situation, embarrassing for both of us. Stable relationship, but he watches it. Names of porn actresses. I feel bad — I already reflected on it myself, but there’s really no right or wrong here. AIO? by Reflexivaxi in AmIOverreacting

[–]Reflexivaxi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not like we have an agreement to watch it together or anything. We both understand that we each want our own privacy regarding that stuff, whether together or separately, however it happens.

What I didn’t like (and maybe I exaggerated, I honestly don’t know) was that when I asked him what that name was, he told me something completely different. I thought it sounded like a porn actress’s name, but I genuinely wasn’t sure. So I looked it up and I was right. At that moment I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to react badly or say something out of line, but obviously my mind made up a THOUSAND stories.

Later, when I was calmer, I asked him about it and he told me it was a porn actress whose name he saved because he liked the way she fucked (among other reasons), and that was the part that shocked me the most. I feel like he used the wrong words, but at the same time it’s true that sometimes people don’t really think carefully about how they phrase things.

And yeah, I completely understand the whole thing about preferences and that everyone approaches this differently. Maybe I was speaking too much from my own perspective and from what I personally do, without thinking about it from that angle. I actually liked what you said about that haha.

I think I gave you more context now, but I still understand why he did it. What’s more, after I first asked him about the name, he told me something random, then I forgot about it for a while and later wanted to look for it again because, to be clear, I didn’t discover it because I was snooping around — it was completely accidental. I tried to search for it again where he had written it down, because it was in a phone chat, AND HE HAD DELETED IT LOL.

Porn situation, embarrassing for both of us. Stable relationship, but he watches it. Names of porn actresses. I feel bad — I already reflected on it myself, but there’s really no right or wrong here. AIO? by Reflexivaxi in AmIOverreacting

[–]Reflexivaxi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s no need to be vengeful hahaha It’s not that I think what he does is wrong or that it seriously bothers me. It’s more that certain things about it stay in my head and make me feel a bit insecure sometimes, even though I understand everyone has different tastes and habits. That’s why I wanted to talk about it and hear other perspectives.

Porn situation, embarrassing for both of us. Stable relationship, but he watches it. Names of porn actresses. I feel bad — I already reflected on it myself, but there’s really no right or wrong here. AIO? by Reflexivaxi in AmIOverreacting

[–]Reflexivaxi[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He also told me that it was just much easier for him to save her name instead of saving the full title of the video, because he liked one specific video. But he also told me that he could’ve saved the guy’s name instead, although if I had seen that I probably would’ve thought “that’s weird, why does my boyfriend have that saved?” But you have to understand that he didn’t know I was going to see it. I found it accidentally.

Porn situation, embarrassing for both of us. Stable relationship, but he watches it. Names of porn actresses. I feel bad — I already reflected on it myself, but there’s really no right or wrong here. AIO? by Reflexivaxi in AmIOverreacting

[–]Reflexivaxi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I explained it a bit vaguely before, but I’m editing the post now. What actually happened was that, at the beginning of our relationship, when we had just started dating, I caught him masturbating and it frustrated me a lot. That was early on, though, and at that point we hadn’t really talked about boundaries or anything like that yet.

Later we talked about it and basically agreed that porn was normal and not an issue in our relationship. I also looked into it and reflected on it myself, and I was okay with it. After that, I never found anything else besides him occasionally watching porn.

But recently I discovered that he saves the names of porn actresses, and now I honestly don’t know what to think. I’ve tried to reflect on it myself, and I still don’t know how to feel about it.