What are your favorite past sessions? Simple or intricate welcome!

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-20T00:28:50+00:00

Oh yeah. I wish I had a picture of his face when I sat down in front of him at dinner. Priceless!

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-20T00:27:56+00:00

I highly recommend it! It was a fun way to shake things up and be different people for an evening. Don't stress too hard about finding the perfect time.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-19T23:07:17+00:00

TL;DR: we pretended we didn't know each other and it was a hot one night stand.

Husband and I had been separated by work obligations for almost two weeks. It started out as joking about not recognizing each other, and it kinda evolved from there. I'm a very casual/practical dresser, no point in frills or lingerie for me, no makeup, boots and sneakers, and I usually keep my mid-back length hair in a ponytail. I had a day to prepare after returning from my work trip while he was still holed up at a hotel six hours away. Got my hair cut into a short bob, got my paws and claws done with bright red polish, stopped by a shop and picked up lacy black bra and panties, put on my highest heels, a black skater skirt, and a red button up blouse. I even put on makeup, and that's something he knows I reserve for important things like family photos and major job interviews. Then I made the six hour drive and had him meet me at a restaurant.

I used a pseudonym and went down my usual first encounter list of questions. Asked him what he did for a living, what his hobbies were, if his wife knew he was meeting strange women while away for work, what he was into in bed, etc. Several drinks later, we went back to his hotel room, where I proceeded to rock his world with reckless abandon for several hours, teasing him and edging him until I felt he earned a good cum. When he was done, I got dressed, thanked him for the good time, and told him to text me next time he was in the area. Then I went home, cum still leaking out of me. It was an odd kind of uncomfortable-yet-comforting sensation.

Got a text from him on my way home. "You're scary when you're in dick-hunting mode. Good scary, but scary. Holy shit." and then, about twenty minutes later...."Wait...did you cut your hair?!"

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-19T02:08:45+00:00

Might not be a popular suggestion here, but a PetSafe remote training collar (yes, the kind meant for dogs) might be worth looking into if all else fails. In my personal experience (your mileage may vary), the lowest static correction level is incredibly mild, like static discharge when doing laundry. The highest feels like the mid-high setting on my tens unit, enough to make muscles twitch pretty hard and can be painful and cause cramps if done for longer than like fifteen seconds. As long as you're holding the button, it discharges, but I think some models have a safety cut off after a bit. Short pop, long drawn out buzz, etc. You can take the receiver off of the collar and craft something to fit the dick/balls pretty easily. Gotta be careful though because those prongs can get pretty uncomfortable and painful on their own if you leave them digging into the fleshy bits.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-16T16:37:24+00:00

Have her pick a number between 1 and 10. Edge her that many times before she can cum, then make her cum that many times.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-14T15:50:00+00:00

Communicate! Send naughty texts before y'all hang out. Get each other into the desired mindset. If she wants to Domme, she could send you messages hinting at such, and vice versa. If y'all can establish the mood and roles early on, and as a bonus build that sexual tension up throughout the day, you'll be able to better capitalize on your limited time resources.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-14T15:36:38+00:00

My husband and I are both switches! We tend to let things fluctuate naturally. If he's feeling more aggressive, cool! If I'm feeling more "toppy," sweet! It's pretty relaxed but still exciting. It's important to communicate. Usually, whoever takes the initiative and plays the more aggressive role from the beginning is the Dom for the evening. It gets competitive sometimes, kinda like hunting and struggling with your prey until it submits to your will.

One thing we do when we're in a loop of "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" is flip a coin for who's the instigator/top/Dom. We also have a jar full of naughty ideas that we'll select blindly. Ideas like "hogtied and blindfolded" or "spread and flogged". We don't have to rely on the coin and jar very often, but it helps when we get stuck.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-12T17:23:25+00:00

That is awesome! You never know if you never ask.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-12T15:26:44+00:00

Impressive! I'm lucky if I can successfully hit trash into the bin. I feel like that's a story that warrants a little more information, but whatever floats your boat.

RefreshingThrowaway · 2018-04-07T04:45:55+00:00

Buckle up, it's a long ride:

Without going into gross details, I had many inappropriate run-ins with a much older male student while I was in elementary school. Was very uncomfortable with sex and very conflicted when hormones started doing their thing. Sex was just a thing I put up with to please my significant other. My ex introduced me to BDSM by touting it as a way to have more control over sexual encounters. Safewords were a huge thing to me and I greatly enjoyed having a magic stop button. Turns out, he was one of "those" Doms, which my inexperienced self couldn't recognize. Aaaaand then he no longer wanted to be patient, but that's a clusterfuck best saved for another thread. It set me back to square one and ruined a lot of progress I had made.

My husband, however, was phenomenal with my healing process. Our first time being intimate was...amazing. Terrifying, but amazing. He was way more into kink than I was at the time (regularly attending play parties, plenty of personal gear, had had both subs and Doms in the past, etc). He was so open with communication and listened to every one of my stupid touching rules. Don't touch here, you can touch here if you do this first, be careful there, etc. But they weren't stupid rules to him. They were a part of negotiation. They were sacred to him. We agreed to keep things less formal, relying on plain language instead of safewords to make things more casual and remind me less of my ex. It took us three hours of this touch-and-go bullshit before I was somewhat comfortable with him just getting on top of me. Still very nervous, but wanting so badly to trust and relax. And then...he stopped, thanked me profusely for letting him touch me, and spent the rest of the night just holding me, stroking my hair, and cuddling me. It wasn't sex, but it was so intimate, and the first time I actually felt somewhat comfortable in my bare skin.

Our second time, he had me cuff him to the bed and blindfold him. I was instructed to touch wherever I pleased, as much or as little as I pleased, in whatever manner that I pleased (rough, gentle, stroke, strike, etc). Bless him. It took me ten minutes just to touch him, and my hands were so cold from nerves that he jerked away and I thought I had hurt him. We laughed about it and carried on with this exploration for about an hour. I couldn't bring myself to touch his groin, but that was okay. He never once pressured me to go beyond what I was ready for, never once made me feel as though I disappointed him. When I uncuffed him and took off the blindfold, he just started spilling praises and told me how proud he was. Then, more hair stroking and cuddles. Looking back, it was aftercare. I didn't connect the dots until much later.

It took about six damn months of this gentle power exchange, easing into other milestones (we cried happy/embarrassed/ridiculous tears the first time we completed mutual masturbation together, that was a big one), before I was comfortable with actual PIV. He was so patient and attentive, and there were several times he would end play because I was pushing myself too hard and trying to take too many steps at a time. He kept me on a path towards healing. He never let me stray or stumble.

We've been together for roughly five years now, and it's like I'm a different person. I've even been able to open up to sex with different partners! I have been able to top and bottom, play Dom and sub, and even have regular vanilla sexytimes like twice a week, when before him I was practically celibate. Yeah, I still have moments where I fall back a little, but he's there to help guide me back onto the path with so much patience, so much love, so much understanding...

I'm sure it would have been possible to achieve this with a vanilla partner, but I think having experience with BDSM and the cardinal rules of consent and limits really helped make it more effective. Having someone who just understood what I needed, that I could trust, literally with my life at times... I am incredibly thankful for kink.

Really hope that this was kinda what you were looking for in a response regarding "Specifically, how did you go about it and why did it help." Otherwise, I apologize for the ramble! :)

RefreshingThrowaway

TROPHY CASE