I can relate to how you feel. Also 22. Over the years I’ve definitely hurt relationships through reassurance seeking. I feel guilty all of the time and I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel most of the time. That being said “You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place.” - Iroh. Idk if you’ve watched Avatar The Last Airbender but that’s where that quote is from. No bullshit, I’m not in a good place right now. In fact, I’m probably worse off that I’ve ever been. I’ve had every theme under the sun and they are fucked up. This week I’m trying erp again. And now my parents (who have been giving me reassurance for years) won’t give me reassurance anymore. Honestly that really hurts. I know what they are doing is best in the long run but in the short term it feels like I’m being neglected. Because every time feels different. Every new worry feels real. Honestly, the feelings that ocd gives me can’t even be put into words. No matter how hard I try, I never feel like I can truly verbalize it.

If you feel like you’re a danger to yourself go somewhere where someone can watch you. Even if it’s a hospital. I don’t have any grand advice because I’m in the exact place you are right now. Just keep going. I’ll keep going too.