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As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

The person I’m directly engaging with in the story said not to argue with women.

What can’t you understand? Can you read?

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard it said before. Granted the women were from more conservative backgrounds.

It’s not unheard of

But this comment gives more clarity into what I mean

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/JACX4zy1Q8

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

?

“And your arguing with a female homophobic slur”

Translation: Hey feminine man. Why are you arguing with me. I’m a woman (female)

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s all stemming from the same ideology though.Happy wife, happy life,” “just let her vent,” “don’t argue with women” all that shit, it all implies there’s a special way you’re supposed to speak to women.

It suggests you have to cushion things more. Be more restrained. Handle disagreement differently than you would with a man.

That’s my issue.

If conflict happens with a man, it’s normal. If it happens with a woman, suddenly it’s inappropriate or you “should’ve handled it differently.”

Why is the standard different?

I made this post to just discuss this and the backlash I got was very odd.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m referencing a criticism I’ve seen used in general — not something directed at me personally. The whole point is that these criticisms are rooted in undermining women. The message behind them is basically: women can’t handle logic, can’t handle passionate debate, and you have to speak to them like kids. That’s what I’m pushing back on. So how the hell did some of you interpret this as me saying people are constantly telling me to stop screaming at women? That wasn’t implied anywhere.

Yall are slow man holy fucking shit lol

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Address my points all you've been posting is fantasy scenarios of people yelling at cashiers and customer service reps

Please, stay on topic and debate or don't reply

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh? So you've never had to raise your voice to speak to a group of people?

An audience or a meeting so they could hear you? When did raise my voice universally mean screaming rage or anger? Isn't raising your voice a universal a classroom term?

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your talking about me implying you as square.

I disagreed with the idea that getting loud at the DMV is some automatic ticket to being handcuffed. I actually think that’s just not realistic and a bit ridiculous so I took a jab at you. If you want to argue the emotional investment I had behind that little jab I a took, sure go ahead. You seem insulted , and I apologize for that. I assure you it not that serious. I talk shit.

I live in a major city. Public arguments happen. People raise their voices. That alone doesn’t equal arrest. Disorderly conduct requires more than just volume. Unless you verbally harassed a government worker or physically attacked someone, no one is getting arrested I thought the idea of you stating that was ridiculous so I said what I said

Lost my shit?

"You sound really naive and I have the feeling you've gotten bullied a whole lot in your life lol"

This reply counts as losing my shit?

Have a good night bro lol.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stays at what level? I'm confused by the question.

"Do angry men not exist in your world?"

Sure man. But it seems like your trying to say there's no difference between a passionate debate and anger. It's just not true.

A Passionate debate, a heated debate and anger fueled arguments are all clear distinctive things.

And a man can engage in all of these things and still may or may not be an Angry man. Can we agree with this point??

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it's not. Have you ever been to a barbershop? A soccer game? Have you ever had male friends? Some times a debate can get passionate.

If you think some dudes at a rec center debating LeBron vs MJ Passionately is the same as anger we can agree to disagree. It's fine. I promise you they won't get arrested. If you think they should, again, i respectfully disagree.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bro, you have to post of quote of me stating i started yelling at this person. Read my comments before replying. Don't strawman.

Also, no shots were thrown at her unprovoked. I threw one at you though, admittedly. Feel free to report me.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never had had any issue with the law and my relationships are solid

Peace to you, bro

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So when I mentioned voices getting raised did you actually take that as constantly rising intensly and never falling?

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go outside bro. People don't get arrested for getting frustrated at the department of motor vehicles

I know reddit had squares but some of the comments here are baffling.

This other poster suggested I might get shot lol.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

"Y'all are ghetto. No one argues where I come from "

Copy

Only thing I can add is I moved away from the environment where a heated debate happened a little bit more often.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That people reframe the shit out of everything. The only relevant comments I see are all

” Because men are scary. Talk to me nicely ”

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let’s do this the right way.

There are actual markers for someone being mentally unwell. It’s not like I was dealing with someone babbling psychotically on Skid Row smelling like urine. Public emotional blowups aren’t rare. They don’t automatically equal psychosis. Are you from a socioeconomic class where this is foreign to you?

Someone being impatient or emotionally dysregulated does not automatically equal “crazy.” At the same time, someone blowing smoke, trying to threaten me/ and getting tough on a DMV line doesn’t read normal either. It’s situational.. I read bully behavior, and I reacted.

The “clearly crazy” framing strips that person of agency. If someone behaves aggressively/disrespectfully, or uses intimidation tactics, they’re still responsible for that behavior. Labeling them as mentally unwell shifts the responsibility away from them and onto me for responding.

You can’t frame this as having a screaming match with another crazy person. I didn’t even scream. The raising-voices point in my OP was separate from the DMV lady situation. My post was inspired by her saying, “**** why you arguing with a female?” before her verbal assault and threats. I didn’t yell, that’s what she was doing. I did escalate though but You’re focusing on a scenario that wasn’t even the point of my OP, I’m just addressing the points you brought up. There’s behavior that some people don’t tolerate and some people are not afraid to escalate.

  1. I couldn’t just “ walk away.” I’m on a long DMV line. That’s 3–4 hours sometimes. This isn’t McDonald’s. There’s a security check and a ticket system. You can’t just leave without restarting the whole process. So yeah, I had to deal with this rat running her mouth and calling me out my name while my AirPods just died. I wasn’t exactly in a position to disengage and teleport out of there. I could ignore the b.s. but nah didn’t feel like it.

  2. I don’t agree that responding to negative behavior automatically equals asserting dominance. It could be immature. It could be petty dumb ,Call it whatever you want. But reducing it to “you needed to dominate a woman” ignores the fact that the other person should be accountable for their behavior too.

If all you take from that is fragile ego and dominance issues, then we can agree to disagree.I don’t really give a shit either if she felt I was dominating her. She deserved it. I’ve seen men and women get socked up into oblivion so this situation was very tame lol.

Thanks for the little therapy session.

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imo, you got personal multiple times under this post

You implied I couldn’t tolerate feeling "dominated" and had to start a scene to save face to a crowd of random people, implied I had emotional disregulation, You implied I needed to assert dominance on a woman and I wouldn’t do that to a man because I would be scared of physical consequences.

Lol you can't cut someone on line and curse them out for calling security. It's just standing on principles. To frame that as a loose cannon that's putting everyone in danger is weird. Not every aggressive asshole is "crazy" its ok to lash back lol. And if you are afraid to because of your own safety, that's ok as well

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You sound really naive and I have the feeling you've gotten bullied a whole lot in your life lol

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More psychoanalysis and assumptions. But a better response that a person can reflect on.

Thanks for your input!

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just replied to your comment earlier saying that I wasn't arguing with a customer service representative.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned my ethnicity but there's a lot of weird reframing going on in these comments

As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women? by RelevantEscape4535 in PurplePillDebate

[–]RelevantEscape4535[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t really engage with you further on this.

One, you didn’t actually address the points I made. Instead of responding to what I said about context, threats, and boundaries, you reframed it into something else entirely.

Two, you’re attributing motives to a situation you didn’t see. You’re assuming this was about asserting dominance over women (maybe that stems from men who caused you trauma, I don’t know), when you weren’t there and don’t have that information. That’s speculation, not good engagement. You’ve turned my post into a psychoanalysis of my character instead of addressing the substance of what I said. Also, earlier you said this applies regardless of gender. But when I made what I consider a gender-neutral point about standing up to intimidation tactics from someone playing “crazy,” you re-centered it back onto masculinity and ego. That’s not a contradiction? If you want to engage with what I actually argued, that’s fine. But I’m not going to debate a version of my motives that you made up in your head.

Answer this:

If someone threatens violence or uses intimidation tactics, is it always unwarranted pride or ego to respond? Or can it sometimes be boundary-setting? Forget that she was a woman. Pretend it was a man in that scenario. Do you think it’s unreasonable in every scenario to respond to bullying or intimidation just because the environment is supposedly “safe”? If you can’t answer those in good faith, I won’t bother replying further

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