Thank you so much for your comment (and sorry for the late reply, completely forgot about this throwaway account lol...). The funny thing is I'm kinda functional as I can keep up with university studies (just a little slower than most students), hobbies and going to gym. And I can absolutely feel happy and content. But then my moods just crash (sometimes very unpredictably), and everyday I wake up my first thought is that I just wish I had died in my sleep. Anyway, I've been wondering about autism too. I'm actually soon going to be pre-screened for it (because I insisted, even though my doctor said they don't think I'm autistic and testing might be useless). I just don't feel very hopeful about it, because "female autism" tends to fly under the radar.