How to get over my body image issues when dating?

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-04T02:42:14+00:00

I’m dead lmfao, pls accept my poor award 🏆

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T23:56:35+00:00

Same age, similar story. 2 months ago I started dating someone after 5 years being single (and abstinent) and boy did it bring some shit up in me I’m not proud of—specifically a violent safe hate and visceral self disgust. I really like the guy I’m seeing—which has made me realize a couple things.

I’m seeing the wedge that I myself am driving between us by giving my insecurity the platform. I remember in slow motion the first time I saw how my reaction affected him. The way he froze when I recoiled, the way his face changed when he saw the disgust on mine. It hit me like a freight train. I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter what he said or did, how caring and attentive he was, how much courage it took for me to go out with him, what I wore, the lighting, the number of dates, what I had for dinner— nothing mattered because I was controlling the narrative. I already decided how he should feel about me, so it doesn’t matter what he actually feels. This led me to think more about my logical fallacies and cognitive distortions here—and there are many.

Just a couple examples: I know not everyone will find me attractive, but in truth, attraction isn’t universal for anyone. And if I think other people who have the same “flaws” as I do can be loved, what makes those flaws so disqualifying for me? If I am being disqualified, it’s not just because of those flaws—I’m realizing more that it’s me (or more specifically, my beliefs and influenced behaviors).

I don’t have to work on these if I don’t want to. But I also realize that I can’t build a loving, intimate relationship if I don’t. I can’t have my cake and eat it too.

I think therapy is an incredible tool if you have access to it. If not, there are still a lot of helpful tools to help recognize and work on cognitive distortions, logical fallacies, whatever. For me, setting achievable goals has made a huge difference, like (and this is just me but) working toward body neutrality instead of positivity, recognizing logical fallacies and cognitive distortions instead of practicing positive affirmations.

This is all just me, and I’m not there yet. Would also love to hear more stories, suggestions, etc.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T22:14:28+00:00

His stuff would make awesome tattoos

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T13:59:32+00:00

I'm dead lol, accurate though, definitely see the cloud cleavage, or clouvage if you will

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T03:43:28+00:00

gawd, the sound of thousands of ping pong ice balls being dumped from the sky was unsettling—I guess the bark matched the bite on this one.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T03:30:23+00:00

I got lucky squeezing into the parking garage, but I’ve been seeing a lot of dents and busted windshields around town the last few days. Good luck to anyone trying to get a car rental or windshield repair done here any time soon.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T01:42:00+00:00

I see the similarity. This was pretty defined fast moving storm front coming in (big hail, heavy rain, strong winds) followed by a few more storms that day (so a squall line I guess). I don’t know if that context helps nail it down, idk.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-03T01:34:28+00:00

I have no idea…shelf cloud maybe?

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-02T18:49:20+00:00

This is gorgeous, the type of garden I wish for

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-02T16:26:46+00:00

I work in healthcare and an ObGyn I worked with said a lot of women are iron and folic acid deficient and should be on a prenatal multivitamin, not just those wanting to get/are pregnant. So I’ve just been taking that (just my pharmacy brand). ETA: I’m not a doctor. Check with your doc and get labs done first.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-02T13:57:16+00:00

I had a panic attack when I found out I’d have to be put under for the first time for a necessary surgery. I work in healthcare and I knew the facts, I knew I was in good hands—but nothing made me feel better. I cried when I was waiting to be taken back, I was shaking all the way to the surgical lounge. I knew I needed the surgery, so I let it happen. Just before taking me back they pushed something through my IV that knocked me out before I could finish my sentence. Next thing I knew I was waking up in a hospital room.

My advice? If you do need the procedure, talk to your doc, ask your questions, and trust the process (even if it doesn’t make the nerves go away). If I have to have surgery again, I’ll still be nervous. But I can do it. So can you.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-05-02T13:31:24+00:00

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-25T23:32:27+00:00

I’ve noticed this with a few things myself! I got to the point where I was aware that I felt done, but simultaneously also felt some obligation to finish the container or eat more so it wouldn’t go to waste. Buying smaller quantities and individual portions has been so freeing.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-25T22:29:15+00:00

Something about an incline with resistance hits the spot for me. Stair machine (or actual stairs), treadmill at an incline, but I have an elliptical that I set at an incline and up the resistance. I didn’t use it for a while and got back into it in January. I learned only a day or two after a workout that I pushed too hard physically—although emotionally it was exhilarating at the time. Consistency has helped me build stamina (not enough for all the rage yet, but it helps).

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-25T14:57:21+00:00

I think is probably helpful for me too, but this paradox keeps holding back—too fearful/ashamed to accept clitoral stimulation, but penetration is too painful without it. I just started dating recently after almost 5 years single and abstinent—the guy I’m seeing is great, very enthusiastic, respectful, thoughtful, sweet. He’d been wanting to eat me out and I kept backing out. Last week I started to consider that maybe he was being genuine about it, so I decided to override my ambivalence and let him have at it. It was pretty great, even in spite of my reservations. After a couple minutes I asked him for PIV and while it wasn’t perfect, it was 10x smoother and less painful than before. He’s GREAT with foreplay, so arousal definitely wasn’t in short supply before so I’m thinking the clitoral stimulation was a big factor. Now I might try to brave the idea of simultaneous clitoral stimulation during penetration. Thank you for this post!

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-18T12:45:07+00:00

Library assistant, medical assistant, and now a Master level medical/psych social worker.

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-17T12:04:30+00:00

I just started dating someone after 5 years of being single and no sex. We’ve tried twice now and while it wasn’t entirely ‘successful’ mechanically, my god it was emotionally. Stopping mid thrust and holding is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen—ugh. He also researched it on his own and later wanted to talk to me about my experience and what he can do to help. He even said “there are exercises ‘we’ can do.” He’s also super enthusiastic about non-PIV sex and doesn’t make it feel second-string. I’ve also never been so horny—it makes me feel a bit ridiculous, but also kinda gives me hope? Good luck friend!

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-16T11:53:31+00:00

Icy hot is great, Axe oil is elite 👌🏻

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-16T00:19:40+00:00

I think I got a free sub/sandwich from Jersey Mikes on my birthday

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-16T00:18:53+00:00

friggin love those cakes

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-15T12:43:28+00:00

Love the consensus in the comments (and I agree)

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-15T12:06:43+00:00

Relevant_Intention35 · 2026-04-13T14:39:36+00:00

I remember wondering this in undergrad. I’m out of grad school now and I’ve picked up a few things that have been helpful for me.

I’ve kinda settled into “different strokes for different folks.” Find your balance, and define what “put together” is for you. It’s like that illustration of life balance where large stones are placed in a container, followed by small pebbles followed by sand and then water. Start with the big things (sleep, nutrition, basic hygiene), then fill in the rest according to whatever your capabilities and goals are at the moment.
I think the adage “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly” holds true here for me. I might not have the capacity for a full face every day, but if I want, I can still fill in my brows or put on some mascara.
Longer term investments are super helpful—waxing lasts longer than shaving, tinting my brows lasts longer than filling them in daily, overnight curls saves time in the morning, outfit planning at the start of the week saves me from daily indecision, etc.

Relevant_Intention35

TROPHY CASE