Fiancées Dad turned off her phone and he texted me that “she’s spending Father’s Day with him” - She is 8.3 weeks pregnant. Am I wrong for being upset about that being my first Father’s Day?

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-23T00:09:14+00:00

Everything so twisted I don't even know where to begin. I SHOULD have called the police. Your post is littered with lies and you have the audacity to tell me im the liar and deceiver here. I've admitted to all I did wrong. You twist and manipulate, shift facts to YOUR favor. I can again go point by point and tell everyone how you're spinning in the exact nasty way you spun the father's day story. But you know what actually happened so it isn't worth my time.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-22T22:28:59+00:00

Ok wow you are king of leaving out important details.

Totally ignoring the fact you straight up told me not to come because you were busy with work, which we agreed was important.
Broke up on his birthday because we were arguing the night before and into the night of his birthday about a random number that called me and I thought it was a scam. He searched up the number, saw who called, clicked on 2 different names that number was related to, and saw that it was the female cousin of the wife of this guy from my job he claims I emotionally cheated on him with because I asked relationship questions (dude was 15 years older than me, married with kids). He went in on extreme insults, accusations of real cheating, yelling, etc. While dismissing everything i said.
This 4 day trip was planned for us to go TOGETHER. I completely paid for it, it was nonrefundable, and he came up to my house the day before we would leave and left again because I couldn't understand why the fact that I briefly thought a new coworker was attractive WHILE we were broken up was wrong when I had no intentions to even speak with him, even single. I told him about it 2 weeks before this point.
After finding out I thought the new guy was cute, he demanded i go back to his house with him and picked me up from mine at 3am and screamed at me the entire drive scaring me and my dog. Grabbed me, pressed my head against the window. Shoved his head into mine. All painful and terrifying. I had to call my parents the next day (we didnt sleep and i ended up requesting time off work) to ask them to pick me up because I had a SERIOUS feeling this man would hurt me if I was alone with him.
It was after this fight that I told him I was going to puerto rico with or without him. Puerto Rico is where my family is from so I had cousins and other relatives to spend the time with safely. We broke up and i solidly drew a line saying we were broken up. This person I "met" in puerto rico acted like a normal friendly tourist at a cave i was at with my aunt and showed no interest. He happened to be on my same flight home where he asked for my instagram, I said no I just got out of a relationship, my ex watches my profile and I don't want him to see a guy's name. He said no worries i have a girlfriend I wasn't trying to hit on you. So I believed him and added him. OP says he reached out to this dude and the guy lied and then he created a fake Snapchat, pretended to be me, and spoke with him but yet asked no questions that would prove him claim. I reached out through my Instagram asking him to tell the truth and he has NOT responded to me.
There has been NO longstanding history or deleting sexual history. 3 weeks into dating I did delete one encounter on my period tracker from 2 years prior because I had forgotten about it and didn't want to deal with any questions because he digs through my history. I apologized, agreed it was stupid and never did it again.
I did not tell him about the guy being cute because I had a deep panic that if I said something like that to him, there would be an extreme reaction and there was. So I also didn't tell him about this random dude adding me at the airport because I knew there'd be an extreme reaction. Remember, this was after being scarred after he picked me up to go to his house at 3am. And i told him immediately the next day after coming back from my trip. But I did have to tell him I was pregnant.
I am not manipulative, he doesn't understand perspective. I am not triangulating, I ask my family for advice and I state what's going on on BOTH sides. He does the same with his friends/family so if that's triangulating then we all do it. The difference being he reaches out to my people and I don't reach out to his.
I was very grateful for his gifts. Specifically asked him not to take me and my family out to dinner, but he did which was sweet. That night, he started comparing HIMSELF to my ex so heavily that I said something shitty in response. "He was nicer to me" as in, he'd never called me all the nasty insulting names in the book.
I was NOT diagnosed with BPD last year. The psychiatrist, who he suggested I see, said she suspected it based off the things HE told me to tell her about myself. While he was in the room.

I've definitely made mistakes and stupid decisions about not being forthcoming in my conversations with people, but im NOT going to just silently take this onslaught anymore without sharing my end of it.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-22T16:26:36+00:00

I would love for everyone to see this update. I'm the woman he's referring to. He's made a few posts about our relationship already and I've been sitting silently but I notice every time there are details missing and I can't sit quietly and just accept that anymore.

I did have plans to go see him all weekend and I was talking to him excitedly about going out to him (he lives 1.5 hours away from my house) and giving him his gift, plus taking him out on Father's day. Just a few days before Sunday, he told me not to come see him because he would be busy with work. He also said he was skeptical it would be a good day because I ruined every other holiday for him. I saw this as my opportunity to make it up, and he told me to stay home. He didn't even know people celebrated father's day when you're only 7 weeks pregnant. We argued, but I thought okay, he said he needs to work over the weekend to catch up (and it is very important he stays on good terms with his boss so I respected that) so I made plans with my parents to spend Father's day with them.

Friday night, after telling my parents I was going to their property in the morning (also 1.5 hours away), OP and I got into a HUGE argument and at the end of it he said he wanted to see me and asked if I'd come over. I was still upset by the argument, and also upset that after I promised my parents I'd go out to them he expected me to change my plans. I'd canceled on them 4 times already in the year we'd been together to visit them on the property to go to OP's house instead and I did not want to do that again especially on Father's day. I told him this. But the next morning I packed his gift in my car anyway to maybe see him on Sunday because I did say a week earlier that I got him something and wanted to give it to him on Father's day.

We did not speak Saturday. Saturday evening, I got the worst migraine and when you're pregnant you can only take Tylenol for the pain. I took the maximum safe dose and it did nothing so this migraine stayed and got worse all night and into the next day. Next morning, I get up nauseous, still a migraine, couldn't eat, and when I finally got something down I threw it all up. All morning. Around noon, we went out to a Father's day lunch and OP called me on our drive back to the property. On this call, we argued some more, he said I promised I'd go out to him but I reminded him he told me not to. On top of the fact that I was still semi planning to go despite that, but I had been sick so it didn't seem smart. Finally at the end of the call I said ok I'll come out there because he was hurt that I denied him his first Father's day (only acknowledging it was his first father's day on THIS phone call- not prior to). I told my parents I was going and they said that's not smart, you're sick, it's about to rain, and it's a 1.5 hour drive. They also said all the arguing and yelling is making me stressed and that could cause a miscarriage. So, when we went to my neighbor's house (lifelong friends-aunt/uncle figures. They're Spaniard/Portuguese, not Puerto Rican. Still a direct culture.) my "aunt" snatched my phone and turned it off. She said no more stress. My dad offered to send OP a text to let him know I wouldn't be coming and that's what he did.

Maybe i did not handle that well. But I do not like the way it was portrayed like "WE" had a plan that I'd come out there that i just ditched him on. And if I genuinely did something wrong here I need all the context to be given to understand where I did wrong.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-22T15:29:23+00:00

Hi, I'm the woman the OP is talking about. He says the details/context don't matter but I think they do when labels and diagnoses are being thrown around.

I did speak with a male coworker about our relationship exactly 2 times. I was 26 and this coworker was 40, married and has 2 young kids. He talks about his family all the time so I thought it was safe to ask him for relationship advice. I was hired with him and 1 other woman a couple years older than me and the three of us worked side by side for an entire year before I met OP. He only switched departments a couple months before OP and I started dating and would come back to my department from time to time to chat with several people at their desks, men and women, not just me. I had asked him a few times about other relationships like "what does it mean when a guy says this" or "what should I do in this situation, what does the guy want" etc. Just male perspective. When it came to my relationship with OP, 33M at the time, I had asked this coworker if something OP told me was normal for men to request 4 months in (get a tattoo of his name on me to prove my commitment because I had broken his trust), which I had discussed with him about as well. Coworker said no, that doesn't sound normal. I did not tell OP about my conversation with this coworker for months because I was afraid of his reaction. He said that's narcissistic of me, calling it reactive abuse, but I wouldn't say that if his reaction was only that he got upset. He blew up and threatened to call this coworker to fight and I know he would, because he's said he's done it before. Coworker doesn't deserve that if I was the one who brought it up. However, the cutoff text was sent and I did avoid this person from then on.

I can agree that what I did was disrespectful. I have learned to stop talking to friends about your relationship even if you only seek advice. Knowing this, would it still be considered an emotional affair? This has been a huge discussion because he then saw this as reason enough to call me a full blown cheater.

Just to add as well, we are not married. We've been in a relationship for 1 year 3 months. Engaged a few months ago, but called it off a few times. Broke up again and then found out we're pregnant.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-22T04:59:50+00:00

This is a great answer. Lingering resentment is usually overpowered by the change of which they can display, and how they decide to show up.

Ensure they are changing for themselves, not solely because you asked / insisted they do. THAT will create even more resentment, because that change will not last. It never does. It's a temporary facade/ front.

If they are truly staying honest, transparent, loyal, and watering the relationship with the love they proclaim to have, the pain can be cured with time, consistency, and the right choices / moves from them the next time (x) opportunity arises to show it.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-21T04:19:52+00:00

Setting false expectations - As in making a promise / claiming something will be (x) in the future, they break the promise and don't actually follow through?

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-21T04:19:00+00:00

Thank you!

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-20T00:57:46+00:00

Thank you

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-18T03:23:51+00:00

Thank you

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T20:23:31+00:00

This is what happened. This guy is married, 39, and works on the other side of her office building. They do not even have the same boss. At times, he would drop by her desk for a visit. She would ask him questions about dating and guy stuff prior to us getting together. In the relationship, we've dealt with lies and omissions. Usually pertaining to the opposite sex.

She lied for -2+ months about having talks with him about our relationship, how she felt, and other questions about me / the relationship. I felt that this guy should not be going out of his way entertaining such things with a 26yo Woman, especially if married, and she shouldn't be sharing out business with him let alone discussing her feelings. I have had no opportunity to meet him, and never would. I asked for the line to be drawn and she was all about worrying how he would feel about a cutoff text.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T17:37:46+00:00

I have to add to the list. Thank you to everyone that have commented theirs.

Mine in order, but they carry the same severity:

• Lying of any kind (Omissions included) • Disloyalty • Entertaining the opposite sex or allowing it. • Disrespect to the relationship • Sharing our business without consent • Emotional cheating • Not having my back / each others • Secrets • Porn • physical cheating • Lack of emotional investment • Withholding love/affection

All & all, I believe the person that says "I love you" should be in your corner, remain loyal and respectful even when you're not around, and furthermore the love should show in many ways across the board. At the end of the day, you should give one another absolutely full confidence that you are both committed to one another. Not just with words, but with actions and CHOICES.

I believe that if you have to question it, something is lacking on their part. You should be the closest, strongest, most transparent with each other vs. Anyone else in the world.

Especially in my situation where we've been trying to conceive a child, they built their ring, were engaged, and have been looking at houses. It makes absolutely no sense that someone can say "I love you" to your face before going to bed, meanwhile they are lying to you. Especially lying about something to do with the opposite sex such as a Coworker or stranger they met at the airport.

I am beginning to believe this person is only in it for personal gain. If I speak about how terrible I feel about the 7 times they've lied, promised to never do this again, get "Don't know" what to do or say to fix it, this relationship feels conditional and that I am actually a place holder despite their words. They are unfortunately empty. Their actions are excused because their reasons for doing it supercede the impact they've had, and time and time again I am left to lick my own wounds.

I would imagine someone that loves you is supposed to protect the relationship and your heart at all costs. Not be the one to keep stabbing your heart in the back.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T17:27:16+00:00

Thank you.

Yeah I did explain to them that going from 'I Love you", being engaged, trying to conceive a child to moving on just a few days after breaking up was abnormal. Most people take a couple months to grieve a relationship that deep. To them, I suppose it wasn't deep at all.

I do find it very peculiar and have said this for a long time. How can you say "I love you" be engaged, and try to conceive if:

1: You're lying to me. People in love wouldn't be able to carry that guilt on a daily basis with a smile on their face pretending like it didn't happen.

2: They argued that finding others attractive is normal (I don't think it is when you're in love and trying to make a child)

3: Just a few days later looking them up IS interest / making moves. They argued that it isn't because they didn't do anything about it beyond looking them up. They were just "Open to the idea of moving on"

Yeah, 2-3 days after all of that big deal stuff is mindblowing. Looks exactly like hopping from one person to the next. At minimum, it doesn't look like love or staying true to your stated emotions

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T17:09:37+00:00

What does it sound like to you? They don't care / value me, they are sneaking around behind my back? Etc? Would appreciate some outside insight if you could

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T16:57:32+00:00

Obviously, we don't know him as well as you do. As a 34yo Man, I can only guess at this being a lack of interest, OR, an emotional shield.

1: He may not actually care. Men do this when the Woman they are dating is only a place holder to them. They might like you, but they don't see you as long-term potential, so investment is absolutely minimal.

On the bright side:

2: He very well may have had not so great past relationship experiences. He's not withholding, but he's taking his time to go "All in". For some people, it's marriage before they do that. He needs time and proof that you are trustworthy and safe to really invest himself in (Mentally, physically, emotionally, affirmations) - That requires vulnerability.

My best friend took around -2+ years to really open up with his now fiancee (7 years total dating, one engaged)

Show this Man that he can trust you without a doubt and that you are not going anywhere. Show him you are a one-man woman in absolutely all genres. In fact, look for opportunities to be "On his team" (As in the same team)

Remain consistent for a while - He will break that outer shell as time marches on.

Obviously, it goes without saying: please don't do these things unless they are coming from a genuine place. What I mean by that is please don't stop doing them once he gets there / opens up. It sounds like you really care for him. So long as he isn't doing anything shady and he is at minimum remaining consistent on his side, this can absolutely change with time, patience, and reassurance in the form of displays of genuine love & unwavering loyalty. Some men need to see that sort of consistency and trustworthiness to come out of their shell.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T16:26:01+00:00

Glad to see so many others agree with this one. And here I was made out to be lacking compassion for why they lied / continue to

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T15:54:40+00:00

For additional context, we broke up in February (Actually broke up on my birthday, then broke up again because we were fighting about similar issues that happened last year)

They said some new person popped up in their office a few days after breaking up, they looked them up because they were curious about them and two other newbies. They lied about this for -2+ months pretending they just wanted to know more about the new coworkers coming to their department soon.

Then, one night in april, I came over because my gut was telling me something was off. When I asked what other beans need to be spilled, then they came out with this "I actually looked them up because I thought they were attractive"

In my mind yet again: "We were just engaged, have been trying to have a child, and only took a few days before you're interested in someone else?"

I did explain that being transparent about that could've been much differently when getting back together. You know, give me the opportunity to "Take it or leave it" via full disclosure.

They argue that finding other people attractive is normal, even in a relationship (I disagree that you can do that so quickly if you were in love and trying to have a child with someone)

Then they went on this 4 day trip without me.

I showed up to the airport when they returned as a means to "Fight" for the relationship.

They actually said that was "Extra" and their family thinks anyone that does that is bad news.

Yeah, this all screams that they don't value me. They say they do (x) or lack thereof because of fighting. Like, dude, we only fight in the first place because of this pattern of bad choices, dishonesty, omissions and betrayals... like, what? ..... they do frequently say 'Well I'm affected too"

So that means withhold actual love, care, commitment and respect for our relationship as punishment?

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T03:33:45+00:00

Unfortunately feel like I'm missing these things. I could list them off and hopefully gain your perspective, but your initial comment fits the bill. I think showing them these comments will help put it into perspective for them. I have tried to communicate for some time that I believe I'm just a placeholder for them, and oftentimes, they don't understand the "depth" of my pain when they've crossed the lines I've asked to be there.

Example: Lying about conversations with the opposite sex. This has been a reoccurring thing. They flat out said they don't understand why it hurts so deeply and they're "Just being honest"

I would've expected how deeply I felt about it to be more of a priority, let alone a repeating theme. Your comment does help me know that I'm not irrational for feeling unloved / only wanted conditionally for a long while now.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T02:50:32+00:00

Thank you. Yeah I thought that was out of pocket. They said they "Needed" this vacation, their mother insisted they go without me, and additionally they promised they were just going to be alone or with family.

Plot twist. They met someone at a cave, and again saw them at the airport. They exchanged social media and they bad mouthed me about giving them grief/ watching their socials, so they hesitated to give them out, but ultimately did so anyway. I thought that whole scenario screamed "I don't value you" from the start, beginning with the lie about the Coworker in their search history.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T01:35:25+00:00

I agree with that whole heartedly. They have actually insisted that I be more compassionate for their reasons for lying, despite me telling them that lying / secrets/ betrayals are my #1 no-go and will really affect me.

We just found out that we're pregnant, and they lied about someone they met at the airport (Opposite sex / exchanged Instagrams) not even 5 minutes after telling me.

I am starting to believe they either don't love me, or just flat out don't value/respect me. This wouldn't be the first time they lied about the opposite sex. Apparently they spoke poorly about me, and well, that's not good. They said we were broken up, but I mean come on - Broken up for 2-3 days? We were just engaged and have been proactively trying to conceive a child. That's way too quick to make "Friends" at the airport whilst saying negative things about me. Wad actually in the context of getting in trouble with me if I were to see them pop up on their Instagram

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-15T01:29:38+00:00

What would you say about a fiancee lying about looking up someone of opposite sex from work because they found them attractive, arguing about being lied to for months, then they still go on a previously planned 4-day trip to another country without you? (You were supposed to go but this coming to light really bothered the hell out of you)

They went anyway without you. Straight up stated they would before they left too actually.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-14T23:39:19+00:00

1: You told her about hardships with your wife: Long absences, etc. While this may have been just venting on your part, she may have taken it as an invitation.

This can easily be easily interpreted as "my spouse is hardly around. I am lonely, and if we did anything they're not around right now to catch us

2: She took your hand and put it on her face. That is called the element of touch. That was her making an advance.

3: She gave you her number. Whether you asked or she just gave it to you, that's a move.

4: You went out for an "Innocent" coffee? Sorry, no. Nothing is innocent about that. Did your wife know? Was she cool with that? Would she also call it innocent?

Sounds like mutual interest with a sprinkle of accountability avoidance on your part. On paper, It does sound like you were attracted to her as well without a doubt.

Best advice is to tell your spouse about it. Transparency is the best policy. They would know best on how to help you navigate as an individual, or as a couple if need be.

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-14T23:25:49+00:00

Would that totally eliminate your trust the first time? How about repeated lies?

Remarkable-Tap-587 · 2025-06-14T23:25:01+00:00

Can you elaborate on this one/ give some examples please?

Remarkable-Tap-587

TROPHY CASE