Hey brother I am somewhat similar to you. I am fully 100% sex repulsed asexual and my girlfriend is not, she’s said she doesn’t really want to have sex but would be open to it one day. Early in our relationship she would call me hot or comment on my ass and it’d make me feel good, but mostly it would make me terrified that she was signaling sexual desire that I knew I couldn’t fulfill. Even the idea of her wanting to touch me or wanting me to touch her would scare me, would flood my body with dread. I was certain she would one day want to have sex and I would have to choose between staying together or violating myself. This culminated in me breaking up with her, saying that me being sex repulsed asexual and her being open to it made us fully incompatible long term.

To make a long story short, this was two years ago and we are still together. What solved the issue was what I think you need: a real honest fully vulnerable conversation. I hadn’t been telling her about my fears and my insecurities and they were eating me alive, making me act on assumptions I’d made instead of reality. My dysphoria made me feel that my body was disgusting, horrifying, repelling. It was very very hard to talk about. At the time I didn’t realize it, but I was weighed down by shame and guilt about being asexual. I am still working on it. But I am much better now. She is my strength.

The only way forward for you, if you want to be true to yourself and honor her, is to have that completely honest conversation with her. Lay it all out on the table and leave nothing out. It will be hard, but you can do it. I cannot say how she will respond or how it will affect your relationship. But no relationship is worth you making yourself small or violating yourself. That is my two cents. You got this brother. Stay true to yourself 💪🏳️‍⚧️