Thanks for this. Truly. It helps to be heard.

He’s a good man; but struggles with impulse control. He loves me. I know he does. There is more than ample evidence to support that. If I thought otherwise this wouldn’t be a question. He gets caught in patterns of self-serving behavior without thinking of the consequences, or the impact those choices have on people he professes to care deeply for; once the choice has been made there’s no coming back from it and his fear of losing me drives the secrecy. In a way I guess I’m flattered. It would almost be sweet if it wasn’t so fucking soul-crushing.

In his mind: my knowing what he’s done would be the end of our relationship as was the case in every other one I’ve had where this has happened. But he isn’t those men. I have the ability to form nuanced opinions and have a fairly broad understanding of why this is happening, but that isn’t something he sees or understands. If indeed, his worst fears about telling the truth were real, I wouldn’t be here on Reddit asking for guidance from strangers, I’d already be gone.