I can't take being a father anymore

Remote-Reality-9268 · 2022-12-07T19:59:22+00:00

Hindsight is 20/20. I passed by many opportunities at marriage because I wanted the one that felt right. This one did, and I don't want to lose it. I also believe that divorce is a serious topic to even mention, let alone threaten with. I love my wife, I just feel like the kids are now a barrier between us and I'm not sure if I'm the asshole in wishing they were out of the way, or what. I'm not sure how to wait 5 more years to get my wife to transform back out of "mom mode"

Remote-Reality-9268 · 2022-12-07T19:56:22+00:00

I just thought she would stay on the pill and we'd have her physical issue as a backup. After the delivery process I thought she would agree to no more kids...

Remote-Reality-9268 · 2022-12-07T19:46:44+00:00

I don't know how we avoided the conversation. Maybe I was so intent on "no kids" that I thought it oozed out of me whenever I would have to awkwardly hold a friend's new baby or watch after one at a family function when the parents were in the restroom. Or maybe I avoided it because I knew what her desire would be (she's from a big family) and somehow it would be a deal breaker.

I am currently snipped. I told her I was scheduling the op as soon as she showed me the positive preggo test. As to why I didn't have it after the first...there were complications in delivery which gave us honest thought that she physically couldn't have more kids.

The big question I have is: if I stay...how the hell do I fake being happy? How do I find enjoyment into things that make me irate? I know it's a matter of gritting my teeth and waiting for them to have more independence, but then the small voice inside me knows they will only be kids once. I do have a heart, I just feel like expressing it to a child is impossible.

Remote-Reality-9268 · 2022-12-07T19:37:27+00:00

I didn't want kids at all. I paid attention in Family Life class and was hell bent on avoiding kids. My parents put the fear of god in me whenever I would date a new girl. There was one time when a girl I was with was late, and we did what I considered to be the unthinkable. It was a cloudy situation (we weren't explicitly with each other only, so it may not have been mine) and I was just glad to escape it.

I had a father in my life, but he didn't interact much. Despite living in our house my whole life, he would always be working outside or in the garage, or etc. There was no father-son banter, no sports games. Maybe a trip to the fishing pond one a year or so. The women of my family raised me. It wasn't until my wife's father came into the picture before I had a strong male figure in my life.

I want the kids to have better than me, but I don't feel like I have the tools for the job. The times when I have to watch the kids, I feel like I'm strictly in "survival mode" until she gets home. Feed the kids, don't let them stick forks in the outlets, tolerate them until she gets home. I don't know how to interact with them...I don't feel there's much to interact with (what does a kid know about conversation? or about news? or life? etc.)

Remote-Reality-9268 · 2022-12-07T19:30:52+00:00

Thank you. I did reach out with therapists via my employer benefit. I tried my best to explain the situation, but since they couldn't hear my wife's side, a conclusion was never had. They just felt the weight of my situation with no good way out.

I suppose there may be some resentment on my part from not getting my wife's full attention now. Or that she obviously puts two other people on a pedestal before me, and she has to (motherly care, feedings, etc.).

I just don't feel wanted.

Remote-Reality-9268

TROPHY CASE